Situations and self love

Let's consider a situation. As 'situations' happen all the time anyway. If I'm missing a feeling of clarity, of rightness, of flow, I'm checking these few things:

How is this self love?
How does this shows self respect?
Does it really follow my heart?
Is it appropriate to act? If yes, how?

Usually, answering these questions brings back the inner alignment. Also, it gives me clarity on how am I respecting other/s involved in the situation. And by respecting others I mean really respecting their decisions, even if those decisions doesn't match my thinking and/or feeling.

Is it always easy? Not necessarily. But hey, do you wanna be happy? Or something?

Love,
Ram

Let the form create itself

Listening and following the inner guidance leads to inspired actions. And inspired actions lead to inspired, meaningful life.

Do not force the form into being. Let the form create itself.

This message has been with me since a while, and I'm continuously witnessing its manifestation.

It was part of my learning to let go of control, to let go of desire, of how I want things to be. To trust. To flow. To be.

To discover that life in its wisdom is much more creative than I am by myself, when it comes to the 'how' and 'what' of things.

To breathe in the stream of life.

And I'm wondering... Is it really you who creates through being alive? Or is it Life who creates through you?

Love,
Ram

Die in each moment

One day, almost one year ago, I was meditating in Amma's Darshan. Feeling my heart healing and opening. Feeling alive inside. In that precious moment of aliveness I asked God how can I hold it inside. He answered... Die in each moment.
(http://talesofalovingheart.blogspot.com/2009/12/and-god-said.html)

These words resonate within, now as fresh as then... Gently looking in my heart I see there are some old feelings, few old dreams, some old significant others, some old words and old deeds that it's time to let go to. I guess there's no room for old in Now, isn't it?

There is beauty, warmth and easiness in letting go with gratitude. It brings a light flavor of grace and benediction.

The heart knows there are no strings when it comes to love.

Love,
Ram

Art Love

Keep on learning to love.

Keep on being my master.

Love,
Ram

Change starts within me!

It's becoming clearer and clearer for me that only a hurt man can hurt someone else.Only a man who was aggressed can be aggressive. Only the one who was abandoned, can abandon someone else. And the one who was rejected can reject.

As well as, once you know kindness, you can be also kind. Once you learn to openly receive, you can abundantly give. From the moment you feel understood, you can be understanding as well. And, once you let yourself touched by love, you can manifest love around you...

It is the wound in you that pushes you to hurt, as well as it is the love in you that inspires you to love.

Because, once you receive a life model, a way of being, another option for living, you can choose. And people indeed make the best choice every single moment. If only they have from where to choose. That's all.

It's up to me and you and all of us to give life models. Models of love, kindness, respect, joy, understanding, offering, communion.

Because, be the change you want to see in the world are not just words once Gandhi said. They have become a way of living.

Love,
Ram

Oneness

Healing my heart
is healing the humanity’s heart.

The love and light in my heart
is the love and light in God’s heart.
The love in God’s heart does not know
attachment or desire.
The love in God’s heart knows only
to give itself each moment.
In it lays the ancient wisdom of life.
All I ever need to know it is here,
in my heart.

And my heart is in the heart of God.

Love,
Ram

When life happens here and now

This morning I've been to park. Yes, again :)

I touched the trees and I let my hands to feel them and to tell them that I love and thank them. For they teach me to accept, to feel my roots and crown, to listen to the silence in my soul and to whisper it to other people too, travelers in my life, if they have time and willingness to stay for a while and to listen in the silence of their own soul...

I caressed with my eyes the birds on the lake and I told them too that I love and thank them. As they quietly float their way living life on the lake, teaching me every time to Be, to breathe, to smile within my heart :)

I breathed with the lake, letting myself dive into the depths of my heart, embraced by the love found here with the same velvety sensation with which water also is embracing me each time we dance together. And I thanked them, the lake, the heart and the love too, as I'm learning from them to flow and to embrace with my whole being, not only with my arms...

I rested my body on the grass, still green and soft, and I told her too that I love and thank her. I thank her that she receives me, she supports me, she teaches me to be humble and to pay attention, the same attention that made possible to notice that each blade of grass has a different shade of green...

I melted in the morning sun and I let his rays to touch my skin and to awake my each cell, then I opened my heart to breath him in there, so that I can give light and warmth around me as he also gives. And rays from my heart went towards the sun to let him know that I love and thank him, as he's teaching me to be present, to give and to love with no other purpose than living my nature, to let my inner light to shine, not because someone is seeing it, but because this is the only meaning of light...

And I closed my eyes and thanked that I am living all these even here, in a middle of a city...

Cause after all, where does heaven come from, if not from the openness to seek and find the beauty in every single thing that exists right here, right now, and to simply enjoy it?

Love,
Ram

Cand viata se intampla aici si acum

Am fost dimineata in parc. Da, iar :)

Am atins copacii si mi-am lasat palmele sa-i simta si sa le spuna ca ii iubesc si ca le multumesc. Le multumesc ca ma invata sa accept, sa imi simt radacinile si coroana, sa-mi ascult linistea din suflet si sa o soptesc si altora, trecatori in viata mea, de au timp si bunavointa sa se opreasca pentru o vreme si sa asculte, in linistea din sufletul lor.

Am mangaiat cu privirea ratele si le-am spus si lor ca le iubesc si le multumesc. Le multumesc ca-si vad linistite de plutirea lor, de viata pe lac, ca ma invata de fiecare data sa Fiu, sa respir si sa zambesc asa, din inima :)

Am respirat cu lacul, lasandu-ma scufundata in adancimile inimii mele, imbratisata de iubirea gasita aici cu aceeasi senzatie de catifea cu care si apa ma imbratiseaza atunci cand dansam impreuna. Si le-am multumit, si lacului si inimii si iubirii, ca ma invata sa curg, sa plutesc, sa imbratisez cu toata fiinta mea, nu doar cu bratele...

Mi-am odihnit trupul pe iarba inca verde, inca moale, inca fina si i-am spus si ei ca o iubesc si-i multumesc. Ii multumesc ca ma primeste, ma sustine, ma invata smerenia si atentia fara de care n-as fi observat ca fiecare fir de iarba are alta nuanta de verde...

M-am topit in soarele de dimineata si i-am lasat razele sa-mi atinga pielea si sa-mi trezeasca fiecare celula, si mi-am deschis inima sa-l inspir acolo, sa pot darui in jur si eu, ca si el, lumina si caldura. Si raze din inima mea au pornit catre soare ca sa-i spuna ca-l iubesc si-i multumesc ca ma invata sa fiu prezenta, sa daruiesc si sa iubesc fara un scop anume, ci pentru ca asta mi-e menirea, sa-mi las lumina sa straluceasca nu pentru ca cineva o vede, ci pentru ca asta-i rostul luminii...

Si am inchis ochii si am multumit ca pot sa traiesc toate astea chiar si aici, intr-un mijloc de oras...

Pentru ca, pana la urma, de unde se naste paradisul daca nu din deschiderea de a gasi frumusetea in tot ce este chiar aici, chiar acum, si pur si simplu de a te bucura?

Din inima,
Ram

Message from an angel

Life is amazing!
Go out. Play and have fun.
Feel good about life. Feel good about yourself.

Help others.

Smile :)
Be gentle with yourself and kind towards people.

Learn from nature.
Respect Life in every form of it!

Love. And be free!

Love,
Ram

I love mornings!

I love peaceful mornings in the quiet park, with the trees and the grass and the lake and the morning fresh air and the birds and the blue-blue sky and the morning sun!

Nature has been and it still is for me the perfect master...

Everything in nature has its perfect place, so why would we think it’s different with us? Everything in nature is in harmony, so why would it be different with our life?

The only moments when the harmony is missing from nature are when mankind interferes in the nature’s natural flow…

Imagine, just for a moment, how would everything settle in your life if you’d stop interfere in its natural flow?

Love,
Ram

in love

falling in love
I learned to alchemize
and because of it
now I'm a magician

being in love
I learned to open, accept and heal
and because of it
now I am whole

rising in love
I learned to fly
and because of this
now I am free.

Love,
Ram

The amazing simplicity of love

We master what we practice. As many others like me, I practiced since I was a little girl 'you're not allowed to...', 'it's not good to...', 'it's not proper to...', 'a little girl doesn't behave like this' and other things and 'realities' meant to complicate and to tangle the relating space between two or more people.

I grew up with masks given and borrowed from the procession of adults that was present in my childhood. I grew up learning rather to be who I am not, having a constant feeling that it doesn't work like this, that something is wrong, incongruent. Wanting to please and to 'make it work', I complicated my relationships through not having the courage to be who I was, as I was in each This moment.

All these just to eventually learn that love is really, really simple. That relating from fear and conditioning makes life twisted and complicated, while relating from love makes everything natural, flowing, smooth and simple. That, if it is allowed to freely flow, love takes new and new shapes even in the same context. That it gives space and freedom. It allows you to be, to manifest, to discover yourself, always you, always new. To learn that love opens, includes, expands.

And that, through silence, love speaks to me. So simple. And so, so beautiful...

Love,
Ram

Uimitoarea simplitate a iubirii

Devenim maestri in ceea ce practicam. Iar eu, ca si altii ca mine, am practicat de mica 'nu e voie sa...', 'nu e bine sa...', ' nu se cade sa...', 'o fetita nu face asa ceva' si tot felul de alte lucruri si 'realitati' menite sa incurce si sa complice spatiul relationarii dintre doi sau mai multi oameni.

Am crescut cu masti date si imprumutate de la alaiul de adulti ce mi-a populat copilaria. Am crescut invatand mai degraba sa fiu cine nu sunt, cu un constant sentiment ca nu merge asa, ca ceva nu e in regula, nu e la locul lui. Vrand sa fiu 'pe plac' si 'sa fie bine', am complicat relatiile, neavand curaj sa fiu cine sunt eu asa cum eram in fiecare Acest moment.

Ca sa invat, pana la urma, ca iubirea este de fapt tare, tare simpla. Ca relationarea din frica si conditionari face viata sa devina sucita si complicata, in timp ce relationarea din iubire este naturala, curgatoare, simpla. Ca, lasata sa curga liber, iubirea ia noi si noi forme chiar si in acelasi cadru. Ca ofera spatiu si libertate. Ca permite sa fii, sa te manifesti, sa te descoperi mereu tu, mereu nou. Ca iubirea deschide, include, extinde.

Si ca, prin liniste, imi vorbeste. Atat de simplu. Si atat de frumos...

Din inima,
Ram

Butchering through memories

Maybe you don't see us as moments, said him.

And he was right. No, I wasn't seeing the us relational episode as 'moments', but as a continuous something that grew and suddenly stopped at one moment in time, to remain suspended somewhere in my inner universe, not knowing exactly what to do or where to go further.

So, I took my imaginary axe, put on the relational butcher gloves, and tenaciously chopped everything into small pieces. Until all that was left were just some moments. Beautiful indeed, but nothing more than moments.

After all, a cake can be digested only if you chunk it down into small, delicious, juicy, one bite at a time pieces...
 

Teenager's mother - what a challenge!

I don't know how much I taught my Bia so far, but for sure I wanted her to learn to be independent. To be able to decide for herself, to be aware of what she feels, of what her body is communicating to her.

I taught her that the most important resources are the ones inside her and it's about those resources that no one can take them away from her and they can't finish either.

To let no one telling her what she isn't and what she can't do, or to accept labels coming from her teachers frustrations and limitations. To have courage telling the truth in any situation, because otherwise, through lying is like she is canceling herself and she's giving her power to the one she's lying to. 

To know that she is much more than what her colleagues, her teachers, her grandparents, her neighbors and other adults are able to see. To know that people see the world as they are, not as the world is, that we perceive in others what we can see, hear, feel in a certain moment, yet this doesn't mean that what we see, hear, feel is everything.

I'm watching her now. She's already traveling alone, she can handle in new places, she decides what she wants to do, she makes her own schedule, she recognizes the emotional manipulation of those adults who probably forgot that education means to support the child in finding out what are his/hers talents and use them.

And of course she is applying with me the same principles she learned, by the way, from me... So what if I want to spend the weekend together, out of the city, to relax, to enjoy the sun, to tell stories? She has other plans. With her friends.

Leaving me, I admit, a bit frustrated and without 'the object of my attention'. Talking to myself... Do you mean we're not going to spend these days together? Well, yes, I was thinking we are... So, now what? Take some time Ramona dear and find other meaning to these days that you wanted to spend with your daughter, which actually grown up to be a teen with her own plans...

So you think it's easy? Well, think again...

Love,
Ram

Mama de adolescenta... ditamai provocarea!

Nu stiu cat de multe am invatat-o eu pe Bia mea pana acum, dar cu siguranta am tinut sa invete sa fie independenta. Sa decida ea pentru ea, sa fie constienta de ceea ce simte, de ce ii spune corpul ei.

Am invatat-o ca intotdeauna resursele ei cele mai importante sunt in interior si sunt acele resurse pe care nu i le poate lua nimeni si nici nu se pot termina.

Sa nu lase pe nimeni sa-i spuna ce nu e si ce nu poate, ori sa accepte etichete puse din frustrarile si limitarile doamnelor si domnilor profesori... Sa aibe curaj sa spuna adevarul in orice situatie, pentru ca altfel, mintind, se anuleaza ea pe ea si isi da puterea celui pe care il minte.

Sa stie ca ea este mai mult decat pot vedea acum colegii, profesorii, bunicii, vecinii si alti adulti care, de altfel, au propriile lor perceptii. Sa stie ca oamenii vad lumea asa cum sunt ei, ca percepem in ceilalti ceea ce noi putem vedea, auzi, simti intr-un moment dat, dar ca asta nu inseamna ca vedem, auzim, simtim tot.

Ma uit la ea acum. Calatoreste singura, se descurca in locuri noi, decide ce vrea sa faca, isi face singura programul, isi da seama de manipularile emotionale ale adultilor care au uitat probabil ca a educa inseamna a sprijini copilul sa descopere ceea ce ii place si sa si faca acel lucru.

Si bineinteles ca imi aplica si mie aceleasi principii pe care le-a invatat, de altfel, de la mine... Ce daca eu imi doresc sa petrecem weekendul impreuna in afara Bucurestiului, sa ne relaxam, sa stam la soare, sa povestim? Ea are alte planuri. Cu prietenii ei.

Lasandu-ma, recunosc, usor frustrata si fara 'obiectul muncii'. Stand de vorba eu cu mine... Adica nu petrecem impreuna? Pai eu asa ma gandisem... Bun, si acum ce? Stai Ramona draga si cauta sa dai alt sens zilelor pe care doreai sa le petreci cu copila ta, adolescenta cu planuri personale de pe-acuma...

Zici ca-i usor? Mai gandeste-te...

Din inima,
Ram

Human being and love

The difficulties are always with your self, not with the other one. When you learn this, then any relationship is as good as it is.

I was writing this in my diary, September, last year.

The difficulties I had in relating with a man were all with my self. Not with his stubbornness, but with my own. When I wanted to put a label to what was happening between us, I watched it die.

Life has its own way of teaching me humbleness whenever I forget it. The hardest part to accept is that I am human also and, therefore, I do mistakes. I have limits and through relating I reached them.

A man I dated for 6 months told me he’s a weak soul. Maybe he is, for his concern... For me he was a mirror so clear, that many times it was difficult to look into it. Because I was seeing my limitations. I know the spiritual part in me and that is the one capable of unconditional love. I do not doubt this. But with him I clearly saw my human part also, and this human part has no ability of loving such. This human part needs shared love, it can't handle the unconditional. At least now I know it...

I still can get lost in labeling and the need to know, the need for safety. And I'm saying it again:

It does not work like this! There is no such thing as safety coming from outside! It is an illusion. It is just like the air: you can breathe it, but you cannot touch it, you can't grasp it, hold it into your hands. Understand this once and for all!

Love,
Ram

 

Fiinta umana si iubirea

Dificultatile pe care le intalnesti sunt intotdeauna cu tine insati, nu cu celalalt. Cand inveti asta, atunci orice relatie este in regula asa cum este.

Asa scriam in jurnal, anul trecut in septembrie.

Dificultatile pe care le-am avut in relatii au fost toate, pana la urma, cu mine insami. Nu cu incapatanarea lui, ci cu a mea. Cand am vrut sa pun o eticheta pe ceea ce se intampla intre noi, am privit cum s-a stins.

Viata are felul ei de a ma invata smerenia ori de cate ori o uit. Cel mai greu de acceptat pentru mine este faptul ca sunt fiinta umana supusa greselilor. Am limitele proprii si le ating prin relationare.

Un barbat cu care m-am intalnit vreme de 6 luni mi-a spus ca este un suflet slab. Poate ca asa este, pentru el... Pentru mine a fost o oglinda atat de clara, ca uneori mi-a fost greu sa ma uit in ea. Pentru ca imi vedeam limitarile. Stiu ca este in mine o parte spirituala, o cunosc si este capabila de iubire neconditionata. Nu ma indoiesc de asta. Dar cu acest om mi-am vazut cu claritate partea mea de fiinta umana. Si partea asta nu iubeste neconditionat. Are nevoie de iubire impartasita, nu se descurca cu neconditionarea. Cel putin acum stiu...

Inca ma mai pot rataci printre etichetari si nevoia de a sti, nevoia de siguranta. Si mai spun o data:

Nu merge asa! Nu exista siguranta care sa vina din exterior. Este o iluzie. Este ca si cu aerul: il poti respira, dar nu-l poti atinge, nu-l poti prinde, nu-l poti tine in maini. Intelege asta o data pentru totdeauna!

Din inima,
Ram

My first kiss

September 7th, 1993.

It was happening in another millennium, in another life. Still mine, for sure. It was happening after making sure that He truly loves me and he's not one of those who just want to use me - well, yeah, education...

After one year without talking to each other and just sharing glances, I put him through the 'big test'. Meaning I let him cry for 3 days, thinking that I have leukemia and I was going to die. Where was my head when inventing this kind of 'test'? Well, simply it wasn't. What has the head to do with the first love, with that adolescents to be love, with the first butterflies flying inside the belly and refusing to go, no matter what? Right. Nothing... So, after 3 days I was convinced that yes, I'm the love of his life and I gave him the good news about the 'mistaken' medical tests and about my health situation: the only 'danger' to my health was the love for him.

Tears of joy. Joy of getting together, of reconciliation, of the love that obviously now it was flowering in both our hearts and for sure that it was going to remain there at least for ever. I knew among the tears and joy and promises that were pouring between us that yes, the time had come for my first kiss to happen. And, while happily walking hand in hand towards home, he took me in his arms, lifting me up, and He kissed me. The earth surely stopped, the stars suddenly were brighter and the time... the time didn't exist for a few moments.

This is how my first kiss was. The He gently left me with my feet on the ground again. There are no words to describe the happiness uniting us then.

September 7th, 1993. I was 13 and he was 14.

The next year passed with us being together, with dating in front of the house, with other kisses, with walking hand in hand, with the first fight and the first coming back together along the renewed promises, with the nights I was falling asleep with his face on my mind just to wake up the next morning seeing the same face... With first jealousy scene and the first sensation that I need space and freedom in love... With other coming backs together and other promises renewed. With the believe that the world is spinning around for us and that obviously 'always' is the time we're going to be together. With everything that adds magic and flavor to the first adolescenthood love.

That 'always' lasted for 1 year. After that, we remained friends and each one went on with following its own path in life.

The time came for him to carry my child in his arms, then for me to go at his wedding. There are 8 years since his wedding? I don't remember exactly, but we didn't see and didn't speak to each other since then. I knew he was going to leave the country with his newly wife and I kept in my heart his image happy as he was at his wedding. Since then, I saw him only when he was visiting me in my dreams, every time going back to where we grew up together, to talk, at least in the land of dreams, about what was happening in our lives.

A few days ago I dreamed him again. I was going to his parents home to asked them how is He, how is life treating him these days. In the dream, instead of his parents opening the door it was He, himself. He told me that he divorced, we hugged and we just simply were back together. I woke up from this dream decided to go to his parents next time I'll visit the town I grew up in and find out for real what is happening with him.

But first I searched him on facebook. And I found him. Later that evening we were talking this time for real, and he was telling me that yes, he is divorcing, yes, he also thought of me, yes, the most beautiful love was then, when we were kids-to-adolescents.

I'm living now, same as then, 17 years ago, the joy of reconnecting, the joy of this love that was silently there in my heart and refused to just fade away.

In the meantime, I've learned not to make plans, not to ask what and how will be, if it will be. And I've learned to simply enjoy this present moment, without giving it a special meaning, to be grateful for the way life has its own wisdom in arranging things, people, events, love...

Love,
Ram

Primul meu sarut

7 septembrie 1993.

Se intampla intr-un alt mileniu, se intampla intr-o alta viata. Tot a mea, de buna seama. Se intampla dupa ce am avut grija sa ma asigur ca El ma iubeste cu adevarat si nu este unul dintr-aceia care doar vor sa se foloseasca de mine - deh, educatia...

Dupa un an in care nu ne-am vorbit ci doar ne-am urmarit cu privirile, l-am supus marelui test. Adica l-am lasat sa planga 3 zile crezand ca am leucemie si ca voi muri. Unde mi-a fost capul de am inventat asemenea 'test'? Pai simplu, nu mi-a fost. Ce are capul de-a face cu prima iubire, cu acea iubire de adolescenti in devenire, cu primii fluturi ce-si fac simtita prezenta in stomac si refuza sa plece, orice ai face? Exact. Nimic...
Asa ca, dupa 3 zile in care m-am convins ca da, sunt iubirea vietii lui, i-am dat vestea cea buna despre analizele 'gresite' si despre starea mea de sanatate: singurul 'pericol' ce-mi influenta sanatatea era iubirea pentru el.

Lacrimi de bucurie. De bucuria regasirii, a impacarii, a iubirii ce era clar de acum ca inflorea in inimile amandorura si cu siguranta avea sa fie acolo cel putin pentru totdeauna. Am stiut printre lacrimile si bucuria si promisiunile ce curgeau atunci ca da, a venit momentul pentru primul meu sarut. Si, in timp ce mergeam fericiti catre casa, ne-am oprit, m-a ridicat in brate, si asa, cu picioarele in aer, la El in brate, m-a sarutat. Pamantul cu siguranta s-a oprit, stelele au inceput dintr-o data sa straluceasca mai tare, iar timpul... timpul n-a mai existat vreme de ceva minute.

Asa a fost primul meu sarut. Apoi El m-a lasat bland cu picioarele pe pamant. Si nu sunt cuvinte sa descriu fericirea ce ne unea atunci.

7 septembrie 1993. Aveam 13 ani iar el 14.

Urmatorul an a curs fiind impreuna, cu intalniri in fata blocului, cu alte sarutari, cu plimbari de mana, cu prima cearta de indragostiti, cu prima impacare insotita de promisiuni reinnoite, cu serile in care adormeam cu imaginea lui in minte doar pentru a ma trezi dimineata cu aceeasi imagine... Cu prima scena de gelozie si cu prima senzatie ca am nevoie de spatiu si de libertate atunci cand iubesc... Cu alte impacari si alte promisiuni. Cu convingerea ca lumea se invarte pentru noi si ca, de buna seama, 'mereu' este perioada in care vom fi impreuna. Cu tot ce da farmec si aroma primei iubiri de adolescenti.

Acel 'mereu' a durat 1 an. Dupa care am ramas prieteni si fiecare a mers in propria directie mai departe in viata.

A venit vremea cand el mi-a tinut copila in brate, iar eu am fost la nunta lui. Sa fie 8 ani de atunci? Nici nu mai stiu exact, dar de la nunta lui nu ne-am mai vazut si nici nu am mai vorbit. Stiam ca urma sa plece din Romania cu sotia lui si am pastrat in inima imaginea lui asa fericit cum era la nunta. L-am mai vazut doar cand imi aparea in vis, de fiecare data acolo unde am crescut impreuna, reintorcandu-ne sa povestim, macar in vis, ce se mai intampla in vietile noastre.

Acum cateva zile l-am visat iar. Acasa la parintii lui unde ma dusesem sa-i intreb ce mai face El, cum e viata lui. In vis, in loc sa-mi deschida parintii lui, mi-a deschis chiar El. Mi-a spus ca a divortat, ne-am luat in brate si pur si simplu am fost iar impreuna. M-am trezit hotarata sa merg la parintii lui, sa aflu intr-adevar ce mai face.

L-am cautat intai pe facebook. L-am gasit. Seara vorbeam si imi povestea, de data asta real, ca da, divorteaza, ca da, si el s-a gandit la mine, ca da, cea mai frumoasa iubire a fost cea traita atunci, cand eram copii-adolescenti.

Traiesc iar, ca si atunci, cu 17 ani in urma, bucuria regasirii, bucuria unei iubiri care a stat acolo cuminte in inima mea si a refuzat sa dispara.

Intre timp, am invatat sa nu mai fac planuri, sa nu ma mai intreb ce si cum va fi, de va fi. Si am mai invatat sa ma bucur pur si simplu de acest moment prezent, fara a-i da o semnificatie anume, sa fiu recunoscatoare pentru felul in care viata are propria intelepciune in a aranja lucrurile, oamenii, evenimentele, iubirile...

Din inima,
Ram

Cut the crap now.

We people are amazing beings.

We fight on nothing and we complicate our existence just to have something to do. We steal other people's lives, we strive to be 'someone' and we forget to be ourselves.

We fall in love with the 'wrong person' and we don't have the courage to find out what love really is.

We go deeper into dramas but we run away when going deeper into our own hearts. We develop the best strategies for escaping and we lose ourselves in other people's happenings; when we 'accidentally' find a mirror we instantly get tired and a sudden desire to sleep arises.

We are the best in finding excuses and we take our master degree in blaming others, or life, or society, or odds, or past lives, or curses, or the system, the competitors, the dark forces, the politics, the weather, the teachers, the moon and all the planets, and of course, mother and father, God, the Universe, destiny, faith and the list can continue cause we are so creative in generating it, aren't we?

We get to be experts in pretending to be someone else and we wonder why God, if he's such a good fellow, doesn't reveal to us in an instant the truth and the greatness of who we really are.

All these and more work just damn fine until one day.

One day we say to ourselves Ok. Cut the crap now.

One day when we get dizzy of so much running around in circles. We get sick and tired of this entire masquerade.

One day when the pain of not accepting who we are, as we are, grows too big to be bearable any longer. The day when we realize that the price we pay for lying and pretending is, in fact, our own lives.

A day when we stop whining about it and start changing it, whatever this 'it' is. We take responsibility of our own existence, say No to bulshit and Yes to ourselves. The day when compromising and raping our inner truth is no longer an option.

The day when we have the strength and the presence to look straight into someone's eyes and say 'This is who I am. You're welcome to join me for a while if you like it. If you don't like it, then so long my friend and thank you for passing by!'

The day when we realize that we are indeed Gods, but each one is God in his own life not in someone else's life.

The day when we stop pretending and start living. When instead of complaining about the poverty of our reality, we start expanding it by enriching it with new choices.

And this day comes for all of us. Sooner or later, easier or harder, it comes for each one of us. With no exception.

So, when is it going to be for you?

Love,
Ram

The Beloved said

In the sea of life
You're swimming in front of my eyes

Where do you want to go?
The sea is here
Life is here
I am here

There's nowhere to go
There's now here to be

Love,
Ram

The deepest, fullest, richest, most beautiful and fulfilled relationship from this life

The name you receive is Deva Priya, The Beloved of the Existence. This means of course you'll act like one...

These were the words I've been told when I received the sannyas name.

It's been one year since then and the energy of this name slowly began to manifest in my life. I started to feel Existence as the force surrounding me, supporting me, guiding me, inspiring me, teaching me, loving me...

I clearly felt I don't belong to a certain place so I can actually be anywhere. I belong to Existence and nature is where I feel at Home.

For the first time, I committed full hearted in being the Beloved. Not the friend, the buddy, the supporter, the carrier, but the Beloved.

I started to love life to its fullest. And life immediately responded me back, mirroring me the same.

After one year of consciously wearing this name, I love and I feel loved being present in the deepest, fullest, richest, most beautiful and fulfilled relationship from this life: the one with Existence!

Thank you from my open flowering loving heart!

Love,
Priya

Relatia cea mai profunda, mai deplina, mai bogata, mai frumoasa si implinitoare din aceasta viata

Numele pe care il primesti este Deva Priya, Iubita Existentei. Asta inseamna bineinteles sa te si porti asa...

Acestea au fost cuvintele care mi-au fost spuse cand am primit numele de sannyas.

A trecut un an de atunci si energia acestui nume a inceput sa se manifeste in viata mea. Am inceput sa simt Existenta ca fiind forta ce ma inconjoara, ma sprijina, ma ghideaza, ma inspira, ma invata, ma iubeste...

Am simtit clar ca nu apartin unui loc anume si ca pot fi oriunde. Pentru ca apartin Existentei si Natura este locul in care ma simt Acasa.

Pentru prima data, m-am implicat cu toata inima in a fi Iubita. Nu prietena, camarada, cea care sprijina, cea care poarta, ci Iubita.

Am inceput sa iubesc viata in intregul ei. Iar viata mi-a raspuns imediat, oglindindu-mi iubirea inapoi.

Dupa un an in care port constient acest nume, iubesc si ma simt iubita fiind prezenta in relatia cea mai profunda, mai deplina, mai bogata, mai frumoasa si implinitoare din aceasta viata: relatia cu Existenta!

Iti multumesc cu inima deschisa, infloritoare si iubitoare!

Din inima,
Priya

This I won't do for you

I won't tell you I love you.
In silence, your heart will hear.

I won't show you your inner light.
In the dark, you will see it.

I won't say you're right or wrong.
You're just on the path to yourself.

I won't stay and I won't leave.

Love,
Ram

What is selfishness? I wonder.

There's something flowing around my mind now and it's about selfishness in a relationship. Any kind of relationship.

Along the while, I've been told that using someone for your own good is selfish. And I believed it, until I learned about being responsible of your own life and that no one can use no one without his/her co-operation. If I feel I'm being used, it is so because I let it be. Then again, this is possible only when we do something cause we 'have to', most probably waiting for something in return, waiting for our turn to use the other. When that something doesn't show up and our turn doesn't come, we feel that it's not fair and that we've been used. Well, was it fair in the first place?? I wonder...

I also borrowed the thought that If you don't give, you're selfish. And if you receive, you're selfish as well. So it's always give, never receive. Until I learned that giving and receiving are indeed the same. That if I'm not receiving, in fact I'm not giving someone else the chance to also give, and that's selfish too. That only when you know the value of receiving, you know the real value of giving. And then, giving becomes a spontaneous act of generosity, not a bribe...

There's of course the famous When you think at yourself and you put yourself in the first place, that's selfishness. I believed this until... I've found myself. Cause really, how can you support someone if you never support yourself? If you don't know who you are? Or where you are? Who is the one supporting? No one, actually...

Then I thought that sharing with someone only the sad moments, the 'problems', the difficult times or the down moments and forgetting about the same someone when living times of happiness and moments of joy is selfish attitude. But then again, everyone has the right to choose who's sharing to and what.
The question that still remains here for me is... If you give someone the chance to support you in rough times, why would you take, to the same someone, the chance to rejoice for your moments of joy, to be happy for your happiness?

So... What is selfishness after all?

Love,
Ram

Moon talk

The moon is rising. Again. And again I find myself here, hearing the little voice inside softly telling me... 

Hey, you've been caught in 'doing' lately. So much 'doing'. Stop. Breathe. Be. Listen to the trees, listen to the grass, listen the silence... Breathe with me for a while. Just breathe deeply.

So I stop. And breathe. Deeply. In silence. It's a coming home. No more thoughts running around like crazy, no worries, no questions. Inside, in that inner space, in my center, inside my heart, there is silence and peace. It's amazing how it comes to the surface. All it needs is a breath in deep enough to touch it and then, with the breathing out, it spreads to my whole being. And I feel whole again.

The moon, mysterious and silent, touches my heart with a smile. Heart smiles back :) And there's a thought coming in quickly, that she's just half now, she's not whole yet.

Gently, she says...

Though you see me as a half now, remember... I am always whole! Even when the sun is shining only on a part of me... I am still whole.

Thanking her for her kindness and for her answer, I promise myself that next time when I'll think of someone he's just half now, I'll remember that it is just the way I see him, not the way he really is.

It might be that sometimes we are showing only a part of us, but in fact, we are always whole!

Love,
Ram

De vorba cu Luna

Creste luna. Iar. Si iar ma gasesc aici, auzind vocea aceea delicata soptindu-mi usor... 

Hei, ai tot 'facut' in ultima vreme. Atat de multe de 'facut'. Opreste-te. Respira. Fii. Asculta copacii, asculta iarba, asculta linistea... Respira cu mine pentru o vreme. Doar respira adanc.

Asa ca ma opresc. Si respir. Adanc. In liniste. E ca o venire acasa. Fara ganduri care alearga ca nebunele, fara griji, fara intrebari. Inauntru, in acel spatiu interior, in centrul meu, in inima, este liniste si pace. E uimitor cum iese la suprafata. Tot ce are nevoie este o inspiratie destul de adanca incat sa atinga acest spatiu, iar apoi, odata cu expiratia, se raspandeste peste tot. Si ma simt intreaga iar.

Luna, misterioasa si tacuta, imi atinge inima cu un zambet. Inima-i zambeste si ea :) Si apare un gand, rapid, ca este doar jumatate acum, nu-i intreaga inca.

Bland, imi spune... 

Cu toate ca ma vezi ca pe o jumatate acum, aminteste-ti... sunt intotdeauna intreaga! Chiar si cand soarele imi lumineaza doar o parte din mine... tot intreaga sunt.

 Ii multumesc pentru bunatate si pentru raspuns si imi promit ca, data viitoare cand voi gandi despre cineva ca este doar jumatate acum, o sa-mi amintesc ca este doar felul in care eu il vad, nu felul in care este in realitate.

Poate ca, uneori, ne aratam doar o parte din noi, dar de fapt, suntem intotdeauna intregi!

Din inima,
Ram

Thank you letter

I started to write because it was overflowing. Because I broke the wall of illusions around my heart and so I started to listen to her. I started to hear her whispers, her tales, her longings and joys.

I started to write simply because it pours out of my fingers. Because in this world we are mirrors for each other. Because what my heart heals, your heart heals too. Because I believe in the value of sharing. And giving.

What am I sharing here? Thoughts and sensations and sentiments. My ups and downs, my depths and highs. My longings and understandings and questions that come, stay and then go. Makings and unbindings, confusions and clarities, the wanders of my soul and its returnings Home. Poems, tales and words on life.

If you read this, thank you. If you don't, thank you still. If you share what you feel, I'm honored. If you don't, I respect your silence. I believe nothing in this life is simply randomly... Neither that I'm writing now, nor that you're reading now, neither you'll keep your thoughts unwritten, nor if you'll lay them here.

With love,
Ram
 












Scrisoare de multumire

Am inceput sa scriu pentru ca dadea pe afara. Pentru ca mi-am frant zidul de iluzii ce-mi inconjura inima si asa am ajuns sa o ascult. Asa am inceput sa-i ascult soaptele, povestile, dorurile si bucuriile.

Am inceput sa scriu pur si simplu pentru ca imi curge prin degete. Pentru ca suntem in lumea asta oglinzi unul pentru celalalt. Pentru ca ceea ce vindeca inima mea, vindeca si a ta. Pentru ca eu cred in valoarea impartasirii. Si a daruirii.

Ce impartasesc aici? Ganduri si senzatii si sentimente. Susurile si josurile mele, profunzimile si inaltimile. Dorurile si intelegirele si intrebarile ce ma trec si ma petrec. Faceri si desfaceri, confuzii si claritati, hoinareli ale sufletului si intoarcerile Acasa. Poezii, povesti si vorbe despre viata.

De citesti, iti multumesc. De nu citesti, eu tot iti multumesc. De-mi impartasesti ce simti, sunt onorata. De nu-mi impartasesti, iti respect tacerea. Dar cred ca nimic din lumea asta nu este pur si simplu intamplator... Nici ca eu scriu acum, nici ca tu citesti acum, nici de-ti vei pastra gandurile nescrise, nici de le vei asterne aici.

Din inima,
Ram

Cosmic play

There are moments when the only certitude is... the incertitude.When I feel that nothing that used to be valid exist and nothing new is yet formed. As if I'd be in a transition space, where what was is no more and what could be is not yet.

There are moments when I feel is not me who's living this life, but rather life is living me. Moments when I just observe. I observe everything that happens in my life, inside me, around me, inside others, in between.

There are moments when I feel like a sphere. A sphere where a whole Universe is being in an infinity of ways, all in the same time. And in this sphere, I am like a Queen.

I know that everything that is here follows my intention. I know that everything here is created by me. I don't yet realize how this is functioning, watching from here, from the outside, to all this scene with the sphere and the queen...

I don't yet realize what is the secret, how come that all exists in the same time, all from the Queen's intention.

What secret? The Queen smiles and opens her arms, only to reveal another whole Universe forming, continuously moving, continuously being born inside her heart, gate to beyond her, gate to infinity.

It looks exactly as a fractal, I observe myself catching a thought.

There are moments, just like this one now, when I feel I am the Queen. And the sphere is my life. Moments when I see somehow that everything is created through my intention, from an inner game. I realize how everything inside this sphere which is my life is created through my decision. I hold the responsibility, as I'm the Queen, ain't I?

And I'm asking myself if perhaps God is the same. Having his sphere where he decides, chooses, intends, watches, observes, playing of everything, all at once. Knowing that, after all, he holds the responsibility for his creation.

I wonder what would happen if God and the Queen would turn one to another and would look eye to eye, heart to heart, perfectly aligned one facing the other?

I'm watching curious what is happening, while they get closer, they turn to each other, they align them selves face to face, eye to eye, heart to heart... they reach out their hands to touch and...

It broke.

It was just a Mirror...

And Now... Now is silence. Silence and... Nothing.

As I would have watched a cosmic play on the Universe's scene.

Who is the Queen? Who is God?

Who is the Mirror?

I'm smiling...

Love,
Ram

Joc cosmic

Sunt momente in care singura certitudine este… incertitudinea. In care simt ca nimic din ce era valabil nu mai exista si inca nu e nimic nou format. Ca si cum as fi intr-un spatiu de tranzitie, iar ce a fost nu mai este si inca nu e altceva nou.

Sunt momente in care simt ca nu eu traiesc viata asta, ci ea ma traieste pe mine. Momente in care observ. Observ tot ce se petrece in viata mea, in mine, in jur, in ceilalti, intre noi.

Sunt momente in care ma simt ca o sfera. O sfera in care un intreg univers fiinteaza intr-o infinitate de feluri, toate in acelasi timp. Iar in sfera aceasta, sunt ca o Regina.

Stiu ca tot ce este aici imi urmeaza intentia. Stiu ca tot ce este aici, e creat de mine. Inca nu imi dau seama foarte bine cum functioneaza, de aici de pe margine de unde privesc toata scena asta cu sfera si cu regina…

Inca nu imi dau seama care este secretul, cum de toate exista in acelasi timp, toate din intentia Reginei.

Care secret? Zambeste Regina si isi deschide bratele doar pentru a dezvalui un alt intreg univers in formare, continuu miscandu-se, continuu nascandu-se in inima ei, poarta catre dincolo de ea, poarta catre infinit.

Arata exact ca un fractal, ma observ surprinzand un gand.

Sunt momente, ca acesta de acum, in care ma simt Regina. Iar sfera este viata mea. Momente in care surprind cumva, cum totul este creat din intentia mea, dintr-un joc interior. Realizez cum tot ce este in aceasta sfera de e viata mea este creat prin decizia mea. Responsabilitatea e la mine. Doar sunt Regina.

Si ma intreb, daca nu cumva Dumnezeu e si el la fel. Cu sfera lui in care decide, alege, intentioneaza, urmareste, observa, se joaca de-a diversele, toate in acelasi timp. Stiind ca, pana la urma, responsabilitatea pentru ce creeaza e a lui.

Oare ce s-ar intampla daca Regina si Dumnezeu s-ar intoarce unul catre celalalt si s-ar privi ochi in ochi, inima in inima, perfect aliniati unul in fata celuilalt?

Urmaresc curioasa ce se intampla, pe masura ce ei se apropie, se intorc unul catre celalalt, se aliniaza fata in fata, ochi in ochi, inima in inima… intind mainile sa se atinga si…

S-a spart.

Era doar o Oglinda…

Iar Acum… Acum e liniste. Liniste si… Nimic.

Ca si cum as fi privit o piesa de teatru cosmic pe scena Universului.

Cine-i Regina? Cine-i Dumnezeu?

Cine-i Oglinda?

Zambesc…

Din inima,
Ram

The gifts of dating

Being in a relationship used to mean for me that I have to do something, to give some input/effort to make it work.

Until I felt it's time to change this way of relating and I said 'Let's date. No more relationship. For me, now it's time to date.'

So I am. Dating that is. And here's what I'm practicing since 6 months of dating:

being in the moment
breathing (like a lot of it, deep and conscious)
keeping awareness alive
loving and flowering
womanness
being alert and relaxed in the same time
softness and gentleness
always coming back to myself
going deeper into myself
having fun and adventure
saying Yes
love and freedom
being crazy and centered in the same time (that's kind of acrobacy)
remaining present, knowing that is nothing but a dream of monkeys
listening
being generous and happy instead of being right (Iihuu!)
giving and receiving (with emphasis on receiving, cause that was almost impossible for me)
smiling instead of advising (coming from a 'save the world' woman... that's big)
futureless love (this is a new concept)
being cool with coming contradictions (beginner's level, cause I still need to understand... for few minutes, and then I let it be)
allowing
taking it nice and easy
seeing things with new and new eyes (which causes spontaneous laughing, 'out of the blue')

As long as I learn and grow from this dating experience, I guess it's a good one for me. It took away the heaviness of a 'serious relationship' and it brought me lightness, unpredictable, relaxation and authenticity in ongoing relating.

Does this means love is not here? Not at all, my dear, not at all...

Love,
Ram

I choose Love

More and more often I choose to love. Where other times I would have judged, I would have commented, I would have raised my eyebrow in a question mark, now I choose to love.

Instead of seeing defects in other people, I choose to love them. Instead of blaming, I choose to love.

Instead of giving advices to friends, I choose to love them. I know now they don’t need advices. They’re doing just great :)

Yesterday I received an email that in my past would have been a reason for me to find at least one thousand different ways in which I would have proceeded and, of course, one thousand of critics. Instead of that, I chose to love. And to laugh. Pealing. With tears of laughter. I laughed with someone else and I laughed all by myself. Better said, it was not me who started to laugh, it was laughter that started me. And it kept me for a few hours. I know now it wouldn’t have been possible if it wasn't for love. Without love, it wouldn’t have been possible to not judge, to not criticize. I instantly chose to love, as if other choice didn’t even exist.

And this was possible because, one day, a while ago, when I was in the middle of one of my biggest lost from this life, I chose to love myself. I chose Love.

And, ever since, it's like a play: when I choose Love, Love chooses me back. Every time. With no exceptions.

Love,
Ram

Aleg Iubirea

Din ce in ce mai des aleg sa iubesc. Acolo unde alta data as fi judecat, as fi comentat, as fi ridicat din spranceana intrebator, acum aleg sa iubesc.

Pe acei oameni carora le-as fi vazut defecte, acum aleg sa ii iubesc. In loc sa impart vinovatii, aleg sa iubesc.

Aleg sa iubesc prietenii aflati in situatii in care as fi dat sfaturi. Stiu acum ca n-au nevoie de sfaturi. Se descurca ei de minune :)

Ieri am primit un mesaj al carui continut m-ar fi aruncat alta data in a gasi cel putin o mie de moduri diferite in care eu as fi facut si cel putin o mie de critici. Am ales in schimb sa iubesc. Si sa rad. In hohote. Cu lacrimi. Am ras impreuna cu, am ras si singura. Cateva ore. Practic, nu eu am inceput sa rad, mai degraba rasul m-a inceput pe mine si m-a cuprins cu o pofta nebuna. Stiu acum ca nu ar fi fost posibil, fara sa iubesc. Fara sa iubesc, nu ar fi fost posibil sa nu judec, sa nu critic. Am ales instantaneu sa iubesc, ca si cand alta alegere nici macar nu ar fi existat.

Iar asta a fost posibil pentru ca, la un moment dat, traind una din cele mai mari pierderi din viata asta, am ales sa ma iubesc. Am ales Iubirea.

Si, de atunci, e ca un joc: cand eu aleg Iubirea, Iubirea ma alege inapoi. De fiecare data. Fara exceptie.

Din inima,
Ram

As it is

Your eyes have met my eyes
Now they can't see otherwise

I've learned to be a woman
Now I can't be otherwise

I've opened this heart and let love in
Now it can't feel otherwise

My heart has touched your heart
Now they can't live otherwise

Everything is as it is
As now it can't be otherwise.

Love,
Ram

The secret of Life... in my life

Many years of this life, I lived in a body of a beautiful woman without knowing it. Without accepting that I am woman. Ignoring my body, denying my femininity. Always wishing to be thinner, taller, more dark haired, more tanned, to have longer legs, smaller breasts, lips more outlined, more curved lashes, more beautiful knee, softer voice, graceful gestures, longer hair. Craving to be the woman with whom man wants to live his life. Dreaming to play the piano. Or at least the guitar. Wanting to paint. To play theater. Longing to receive love. To be admired. Accepted.

I lived among the tirelessly and always present ‘Ifs’…

If I’d speak French so fluently as Georgiana…
If I’d have Ramona’s depth and sensibility…
If I’d had Raluca’s long legs and the perfect back of Roxana…
If I’d had my sister’s sound laugh, the playful look of Sorina and the simply perfect nails of Manuela…
If I’d had Găbiţa’s intelligence and distinction…
And, of course, if I’d knew to structure my speech using at least half of Valeria’s talent…
If I’d had Laura’s tenderness and beauty, Alina’s fire, Agatha’s glow…
If I’d had Mihaela’s delicacy and Monica’s femininity… Ah, and Cristina’s curly hair!
How would it be if I’d had the gentleness of that blond colleague that I once worked with?
It goes without saying that if I’d had Marina’s courage…
And if I’d be as companionable and pleasant as Minodora…
If I’d knew to play the piano as Dana’s daughter and if I’d knew to choose my clothes and purses as Ada…
I don’t even want to think about how it would be to leave worry free as Rodica or if I’d had Anca’s serenity!
Oh God! At least if I’d had my cousin’s charm… after all, we are in the family, can’t we just split it??

Until one day, two years ago, when a tiny little voice finally made itself heard:

And me? What about me? Where am I in all these? Who am I?

It was my heart… my heart, where it has always been love. My heart, who somehow knew to grow, to observe, to love, to cry, to laugh, to search, to give, to wait, to hope. My heart, who knew she’ll reach the wisdom when I will be found my inner strength. When I will be found that… I am Woman.

And this happened when I past beyond the belief that the heart, and only the heart, is the one that can create and I stopped ignoring that, in fact, creation takes place in the Woman’s womb.

The day I accepted that I am Woman was the day I discovered my womb. I understood that here, inside the woman's womb, resides the secret of life, that the miracle of life starts here.
I understood that inside the heart there is the light and inside the womb originates the woman’s wisdom.
I surprised myself finding that being in the space of my heart I cannot lie myself anymore and that inside the womb are answers to all my questions, just waiting to be picked up through the opening of the heart.
I released from my womb all the set-backs and regrets from past relationships. I released the past.
Letting the light from the heart to fill my womb, I was healing. Letting the energy from the womb to flow into my heart, I was flowering.

Accepting the light within, I stopped craving to be admired, accepted. Finding the love inside me, I stopped longing to receive it from outside. Seeing the inner beauty and richness of the Woman, I stopped wanting to fit into a beauty standard assessed by someone else’s rules. And, more than this, I stopped comparing…

I discovered the secret of living in the now.

I accepted that everything belongs to me and, by doing so, I found myself whole.


Love,
Ram

Taina Vieţii... în viaţa mea

Multi ani din viata asta, am trait intr-un corp de femeie frumoasa fara sa stiu. Fara sa accept ca sunt femeie. Ignorandu-mi corpul, negandu-mi feminitatea. Dorind mereu sa fiu mai slaba, mai inalta, mai bruneta, mai dreapta, mai bronzata, cu picioare mai lungi, sani mai mici, buze mai conturate, gene mai intoarse, genunchi mai frumosi, voce mai suava, gesturi mai gratioase, plete mai dese. Ravnind sa fiu femeia alaturi de care barbatul sa-si doreasca sa ramana. Visand sa cant la pian. Sau macar la chitara. Vrand sa pictez. Sa fac teatru. Tanjind sa primesc iubire. Sa fiu admirata. Acceptata.

Am trait intre neobositii si vesnic prezentii "Daca".

Daca as vorbi franceza asa fluent ca Georgiana...
Daca as avea profunzimea si sensibilitatea Ramonei...
Daca as avea picioarele interminabile ale Ralucai, spatele perfect al Roxanei...
Daca as avea rasul sonor al sora'mii, privirea jucausa a Sorinei si unghiile pur si simplu perfecte ale Manuelei...
Daca as avea inteligenta si rafinamentul Gabitei...
Si, desigur, daca as sti sa-mi structurez discursul folosind macar pe jumatate talentul Valeriei...
Daca as avea blandetea si frumusetea Laurei, focul Alinei, stralucirea Agathei...
Daca as avea finetea Mihaelei si feminitatea Monicai... Ah, si parul carliontat si bogat al Cristinei!
Cum ar fi daca as avea delicatetea acelei colege blondute cu care am lucrat odata?
E de la sine inteles ca daca as avea curajul Marinei...
Si daca as fi atat de sociabila si placuta ca Minodora...
Daca as sti sa cant la pian ca fiica Danei si daca as sti sa-mi aleg hainele si posetele ca Ada...
Nici nu vreau sa ma gandesc cum ar fi sa traiesc fara griji ca Rodica ori daca as avea seninatatea Ancai!
Of, Doamne! Macar de l-as avea pe "vino-ncoace" ca verisoara mea... ca doar suntem in familie, chiar nu se poate imparti??

Pana intr-o zi, acum vreo doi ani, cand un glascior firav s-a facut in sfarsit auzit:

Si eu? Eu unde mai sunt? Eu cine sunt?

Era inima mea… inima mea, unde mereu a fost iubire. Inima mea, care a stiut cumva sa creasca, sa observe, sa iubeasca, sa planga, sa rada, sa caute, sa daruiasca, sa astepte, sa spere. Inima mea, care a stiut ca va atinge intelepciunea atunci cand eu voi fi gasit puterea mea interioara. Cand eu voi fi aflat ca... sunt Femeie.

Si s-a intamplat cand am trecut dincolo de convingerea ca inima, si numai ea, este cea care poate crea si nu am mai ignorat ca, de fapt, creatia are loc in pantecele Femeii.

Ziua in care am acceptat ca sunt Femeie a fost ziua in care mi-am descoperit pantecele. Am inteles ca aici, in pantece, se afla secretul vietii, ca minunea vietii ia nastere aici.
Am inteles ca in inima este lumina, iar in pantece isi are originea intelepciunea femeii.
M-am surprins afland ca in inima nu ma mai pot minti si ca in pantece sunt raspunsuri la toate intrebarile mele, asteptand doar sa fie culese prin deschiderea inimii.
Am eliberat din pantece toate nereusitele si regretele din relatiile avute. Am eliberat trecutul.
Lasand lumina din inima sa-mi umple pantecele, am vindecat. Lasand energia din pantece sa curga in inima, am inflorit.

Acceptand lumina din mine, nu am mai tanjit sa fiu admirata, acceptata. Descoperind iubirea din mine, nu am mai tanjit sa o primesc din exterior.Vazand frumusetea si bogatia interioara a Femeii, nu mi-am mai dorit sa ma incadrez intr-un sablon de frumusete impus de regulile altcuiva. Si mai ales, nu am mai facut comparatii...

Am aflat taina trairii in prezent.

Am acceptat ca toate fac parte din mine si, astfel, m-am regasit in totalitate.

Din inima,
Ram

Metamorphose

In the silence of my heart… I hear your whisper…

In the rhythm of my breath… I sense your fragrance…

Your hands has become the sun rays melting this human flesh

and your breath is the breeze... so softly caressing my skin…

In the passion of my dance… I feel your aliveness…

In the celebration of love… I hear your laughter…

From this carnival of flowers your eyes are watching me

and your fingers turned into grass... so gently touching my feet… 

You're nowhere

And yet, I'm finding you, again and again, in my inner temple of love

You're everywhere

And I...

I am Here 

Love,

Ram

Come...

Come, darling
We'll plant the seeds of love in our garden

Come, dear
We'll dance the music of love among the stars

Come, sweetheart
We'll whisper words of love in the darkness of the night

Come, love
We'll laugh joyfully playing sacred games of love under the moonlight

Come, Beloved
When the seeds would have already turned into most beautiful flowers...
intoxicating us with their fragrance
nourishing our hearts with their nectar

Come, Beloved
Come...
and we'll merge as One into the infinity of Love

Love,
Ram
 

Prayer

I'm asking Fire
Please, come and transform through me

I'm asking Water
Please, come and heal through me

I'm asking Earth
Please, come and nourish through me

I'm asking Air
Please, come and breathe through me

And I'm asking Love...
Please, come and love through me
Make your home from my cells
Take this body and live through it
Take this voice and speak through it
Take these eyes and see through them
Take these hands and touch through them
Open this heart and flow through it
so that it too can do your work

Love,

Ram

 

Ruga

Ii cer Focului
Te rog, vino si transforma prin mine

Ii cer Apei
Te rog, vino si vindeca prin mine

Ii cer Pamantului
Te rog, vino si hraneste prin mine

Ii cer Aerului
Te rog, vino si respira prin mine

Si ii cer Iubirii...
Te rog, vino si iubeste prin mine
Fa-ti casa in celulele mele
Ia corpul cesta si traieste prin el
Ia-mi vocea si graieste prin ea
Ia-mi ochii si priveste prin ei
Ia-mi mainile si atinge prin ele
Deschide inima ceasta si curgi prin ea
ca si ea sa-ti poata face lucrarea

Din inima,
Ram

lovehate

I don't remember now who said it and exactly how, but this is the idea of it.

Look careful at what you hate and you'll discover that in fact you hate what you once loved.

Words of wisdom that I hold dearly in my heart.

I love something about you and in the very moment I feel it most intense, I remember that one day I might hate the same something, with the same intensity I love now. And it keeps me grounded, connected with Here and Now, aware that 'happily ever after' is a concept I once read in a fairytale.

I hate something about you and in the very moment I feel it most intense, I remember that once I used to love the same something, with the same intensity I hate now. And it softens me, reconnecting myself with my heart, with Here and Now, aware that inside the heart there is space for everything.

Osho said it should be one word: lovehate. Maybe if it would be like this, maybe if it would be lovehate instead of love and hate, we would know that the easiest people to hate are the ones that we love most.

We would know that love has in it the seed of hate as well as hate has in it the seed of love.

Then we wouldn't be surprised asking 'How did this happen?' because we would know that love and hate come together as lovehate. As day and night come together and no one asks 'How did this happen?' when night comes...

Love,
Ram

iubireura

Nu-mi amintesc acum cine a spus-o si exact in ce forma, dar ideea este

Priveste cu atentie si vei descoperi ca, de fapt, ceea ce urasti acum este ceea ce, candva, ai iubit.

Cuvinte intelepte, pe care le pastrez in inima.

Iubesc ceva la tine si, in momentul in care simt cu cea mai mare intensitate, imi amintesc ca, intr-o buna zi, s-ar putea sa urasc acelasi ceva, cu aceeasi intensitate cu care acum iubesc. Ma ajuta sa raman cu picioarele pe pamant, conectata cu Aici si Acum, constienta ca 'fericiti pana la adanci batraneti' este un concept pe care l-am citit odata intr-o poveste.

Urasc ceva la tine si, in momentul in care simt cu cea mai mare intensitate, imi amintesc ca, odata, iubeam acelasi ceva, cu aceeasi intensitate cu care acum urasc. Ma domoleste, reconectandu-ma cu inima mea, cu Aici si Acum, constienta ca in inima este spatiu pentru tot si toate.

Osho spunea ca ar trebui sa fie un singur cuvant: iubireura. Poate ca daca ar fi asa, poate ca daca ar fi iubireura in loc de iubire si ura, am sti ca cel mai usor de urat oameni sunt cei pe care ii iubim cel mai mult.

Am sti ca iubirea poarta in ea samanta urii la fel cum ura poarta n ea samanta iubirii.

Si nu am mai fi surprinsi, intreband 'Cum de s-a intamplat asa ceva?' pentru ca am sti ca iubirea si ura vin impreuna ca iubireura. Asa cum ziua si noaptea vin impreuna si nimeni nu intreaba 'Cum de s-a intamplat asa ceva?' cand vine noaptea...

Din inima,
Ram

drops of memories

'Rama, go inside!'

That's the voice of my grandmother calling me to stop playing and come inside the house. I'm a 4 years old girl, not too talkative with people, fascinated instead by the sky and the stars, by the flowers in the garden, by the trees outside, on the alley where time passes by me, a me not really aware that time actually exist and it's measurable. Maybe this is why she called me 'the dumb'.

Every time I hear her calling me Rama I'm confused...  

It took me some time to get used with the fact that they call me Ramona, now Rama? Not to say that Rama is the name of a margarine... How can she call me as a margarine when I'm definitely NOT a margarine?

And, as if this is not enough, she's calling me 'the dumb'... which makes me even more confused. If I can understand, with my 4 years old understanding, that Rama comes from Ramona, for sure I can't understand this 'dumb' thing.  

I'm talking all the time, can't you hear? Yesterday, for example, I talked with the pink flowers out in the garden, just in front of the kitchen window. They grew and now they are big girls. Very beautiful, showing themselves with no shame. I was curious how did they do this, so I asked...

How did you flower?

It's in my nature, the pink flowers said. 

I admit, I don't really figure this out... I though You are nature... You mean nature has a nature?

And then, I talk every day with the leafs from the trees near by the alley. I'm curious about them too...

Who gave you the name 'leaf'? Why do you grow? So many of you for just one single tree! I will cut into small pieces some of you, so the dogs can feed themselves. I definitely believe dogs will come and eat leafs. I can't eat meat, although they force me to, so I'm taking care that the dogs have decent meal if they don't want meat too.

And each one of the leafs has its own story... The leaf story! And they are quite friendly, you know? Have you ever listen to them?

Then, there are the stars! I'm telling them that one day, when I'll be a grown up as this is what I understood it will happen, I'll be an astronaut and I'll go all the way to meet them! Because, of course, I'm very, very curious about them too... I'm surprised when the grown-ups laugh at me every time I'm asking about all the names of all the stars. If you want to know them, it's obvious you're starting with the name, isn't it? This is how it happens... Hi, the name they call me is Ramona. Sometimes Rama, that's a shortcut. Other times 'the dumb', but as you see I'm quite curious and I ask lots of questions! How do they name you? One day, we'll shine together, cause I will come to you!

Rama, go inside!

I keep on hearing her voice...

There's this story they keep on telling me, that they are my parents, I am their child. THEIRS. But I know this is not true, it's just a story they want me to believe. I don't understand why they keep the secret of who I really am. One day, I'm telling them that I believe they are not my parents, so they better tell me honestly who am I. Mother is very upset, father is very sad, grandmother is quite angry. It's clear now, in fact, they don't remember who they really are. This is why they're upset and sad and angry. Helpless.

So I look in the mirror, touching my face, trying so hard to figure it out Who am I and how do I really look? I'm convinced that what I see in the mirror is not my real face. Anyway, they say all the time that I have mother's eyes, father's hair... I'm convinced that, underneath this skin hides the real look. If I can just find it at once!

Then I get used with this reflection in the mirror.

And I get used to go inside. I grow up, going inside.

I'm still doing this. Only that now, I go inside myself. I go in the room of my soul. I go in the space of my heart.

And I still talk with flowers and with stars. I still hug trees and carres flowers. I don't believe anymore that dogs eat leafs though...

Maybe talking to the flowers and to the trees and to the stars is how I learned to listen. They were always there, listening to me. Even when I was saying nothing, they were listening to my silence. Listening to their silence too.

Maybe this is how I learned to listen to the silence within me. Maybe this is how I learned to listen to your silence too. Who knows? It's not actually any difference...

It's just... Silence.

Love, 
Ram

frânturi de amintiri

'Rama, treci înăntru!'

Asta este vocea bunicii mele, care mă cheamă să las joaca şi să intru în casă. Sunt o fetiţă de 4 ani, nu prea vorbăreaţă cu oamenii, fascinată în schimb de cer şi de stele, de florile din grădină, de copacii de la marginea aleii pe care timpul trece pe lângă mine, un mine care nu-şi dă seama că timpul chiar există şi că e măsurabil. Poate că de asta îmi spune 'muta'.

De fiecare dată când o aud că mă strigă Rama sunt nedumerită... 

Mi-a luat ceva timp să mă obişnuiesc că mă strigă Ramona, iar acum Rama? Ca să nu mai spun că Rama e o margarină... Cum poate să mă strige ca pe margarină când, in mod sigur, NU sunt o margarină?

Şi, de parcă nu ar fi de ajuns, mă strigă 'muta'... ceea ce mă face şi mai nedumerită. Dacă pot înţelege, cu înţelegerea mea de 4 ani, că Rama vine de la Ramona, de bună seamă nu pot să pricep treaba asta cu 'muta'. 

Vorbesc tot timpul, nu m-auzi? Ieri, de exemplu, am vorbit cu florile roz din grădină, cele din faţa geamului de la bucătărie. Au crescut şi acum sunt fete mari. Tare frumoase, arătându-se aşa, cu neruşinare. Eram curioasă, cum au făcut asta, aşa că am întrebat...

Cum aţi înflorit?

E în natura noastră, mi-au răspuns florile roz.

Recunosc, nu prea pricep cum vine asta... Credeam că Voi sunteţi natura... Vrei să spui că natura are o natură?

Şi apoi, vorbesc în fiecare zi cu frunzele din copacii de la marginea aleii. Sunt tare curioasă şi despre ele... 

Cine v-a dat numele de 'frunză'? De ce creşteţi? Aşa de multe într-un singur copac! O să tai câteva dintre voi, ca să aibe şi câinii ce să mănânce. Cred cu siguranţă că vor veni câinii şi vor mânca frunzele. Eu nu pot să mănânc carne, deşi mă forţează, aşa că am grijă de câini, să poată mânca ceva bun în caz că nici ei nu vor carne.

Şi fiecare frunză are propria ei poveste... Povestea frunzei! Şi sunt chiar prietenoase, ştiai? Le-ai ascultat vreodată?

Apoi, sunt stelele! Lor le spun că într-o zi când mă fac mare, că aşa am înţeles că se întâmplă, o să mă fac astronaut şi o să merg pâââână la ele să le cunosc! Pentru că, desigur, sunt tare tare curioasă şi despre ele... Mă mir că oamenii mari râd de mine de fiecare dată când întreb despre toate stelele şi despre toate numele lor. Dacă vrei să faci cunoştinţă cu ele, evident că începi cu numele, nu-i aşa? Aşa se face... Salut, numele cu care mă strigă e Ramona. Uneori Rama, e mai scurt. Alte dăţi îmi spun 'muta', dar aşa cum vedeţi sunt chiar curioasă şi am o grămadă de întrebări! Ce nume ţi-au dat ţie? Într-o bună zi, o să strălucim împreună, pentru că o să vin la voi!

'Rama, treci înăntru!'

Tot aud vocea ei...

Şi mai e povestea asta pe care mi-o tot spun, cum că ei sunt părinţii mei, eu sunt copilul lor. AL LOR. Dar eu ştiu că nu e adevărat, e doar o poveste pe care ei vor să o cred. Nu înţeleg de ce ţin secret cine sunt eu de fapt. Într-o zi, le spun că ştiu că nu sunt părinţii mei, aşa că mai bine mi-ar spune cinstit cine sunt eu. Mama e tare supărată, tata e tare trist, bunica e de-a dreptu' furioasă. E clar acum, ei nu-şi amintesc cine sunt ei de fapt. Ăsta e motivul pentru care sunt supăraţi şi trişti şi furioşi. Neajutoraţi.

Aşa că mă uit în oglindă, atingându-mi faţa, încercând din răsputeri să-mi dau seama Cine sunt şi cum arăt eu de fapt? Sunt convinsă că ceea ce văd în oglindă nu e faţa mea adevărată. Oricum, ei îmi spun tot timpul că am ochii mamei, părul tatei... Sunt convinsă că, sub pielea asta pe care o văd şi o ating, se ascunde adevărata mea înfăţişare. Dacă numai aş găsi-o mai repede!

Apoi mă obişnuiesc cu reflecţia din oglindă.

Şi mă obişnuiesc şi să trec înăuntru. Cresc, mergând înăuntru.

Încă mai fac asta. Doar că acum, merg înăuntrul meu. Merg în camera sufletului meu. Merg în spaţiul inimii mele.

Şi încă vorbesc cu florile şi cu stelele. Încă îmbrăţişez copacii şi mângâi florile. Nu mai cred că dumnealor, câinii, mănâncă frunze...

Poate că, vorbind cu florile şi cu copacii şi cu stelele, am învăţat să ascult. Florile şi copacii şi stelele erau mereu acolo, ascultându-mă. Chiar şi când nu spuneam nimic, tot îmi ascultau liniştea. Ascultându-şi liniştea lor în acelaşi timp.

Poate că aşa am învăţat să ascult liniştea din interiorul meu. Poate că aşa am învăţat să ascult şi liniştea ta. Cine ştie? Oricum nu e nicio diferenţă...

Este doar... Linişte. 

Din inimă, 
Ram