What is selfishness? I wonder.

There's something flowing around my mind now and it's about selfishness in a relationship. Any kind of relationship.

Along the while, I've been told that using someone for your own good is selfish. And I believed it, until I learned about being responsible of your own life and that no one can use no one without his/her co-operation. If I feel I'm being used, it is so because I let it be. Then again, this is possible only when we do something cause we 'have to', most probably waiting for something in return, waiting for our turn to use the other. When that something doesn't show up and our turn doesn't come, we feel that it's not fair and that we've been used. Well, was it fair in the first place?? I wonder...

I also borrowed the thought that If you don't give, you're selfish. And if you receive, you're selfish as well. So it's always give, never receive. Until I learned that giving and receiving are indeed the same. That if I'm not receiving, in fact I'm not giving someone else the chance to also give, and that's selfish too. That only when you know the value of receiving, you know the real value of giving. And then, giving becomes a spontaneous act of generosity, not a bribe...

There's of course the famous When you think at yourself and you put yourself in the first place, that's selfishness. I believed this until... I've found myself. Cause really, how can you support someone if you never support yourself? If you don't know who you are? Or where you are? Who is the one supporting? No one, actually...

Then I thought that sharing with someone only the sad moments, the 'problems', the difficult times or the down moments and forgetting about the same someone when living times of happiness and moments of joy is selfish attitude. But then again, everyone has the right to choose who's sharing to and what.
The question that still remains here for me is... If you give someone the chance to support you in rough times, why would you take, to the same someone, the chance to rejoice for your moments of joy, to be happy for your happiness?

So... What is selfishness after all?

Love,
Ram