Human being and love

The difficulties are always with your self, not with the other one. When you learn this, then any relationship is as good as it is.

I was writing this in my diary, September, last year.

The difficulties I had in relating with a man were all with my self. Not with his stubbornness, but with my own. When I wanted to put a label to what was happening between us, I watched it die.

Life has its own way of teaching me humbleness whenever I forget it. The hardest part to accept is that I am human also and, therefore, I do mistakes. I have limits and through relating I reached them.

A man I dated for 6 months told me he’s a weak soul. Maybe he is, for his concern... For me he was a mirror so clear, that many times it was difficult to look into it. Because I was seeing my limitations. I know the spiritual part in me and that is the one capable of unconditional love. I do not doubt this. But with him I clearly saw my human part also, and this human part has no ability of loving such. This human part needs shared love, it can't handle the unconditional. At least now I know it...

I still can get lost in labeling and the need to know, the need for safety. And I'm saying it again:

It does not work like this! There is no such thing as safety coming from outside! It is an illusion. It is just like the air: you can breathe it, but you cannot touch it, you can't grasp it, hold it into your hands. Understand this once and for all!

Love,
Ram

 

Fiinta umana si iubirea

Dificultatile pe care le intalnesti sunt intotdeauna cu tine insati, nu cu celalalt. Cand inveti asta, atunci orice relatie este in regula asa cum este.

Asa scriam in jurnal, anul trecut in septembrie.

Dificultatile pe care le-am avut in relatii au fost toate, pana la urma, cu mine insami. Nu cu incapatanarea lui, ci cu a mea. Cand am vrut sa pun o eticheta pe ceea ce se intampla intre noi, am privit cum s-a stins.

Viata are felul ei de a ma invata smerenia ori de cate ori o uit. Cel mai greu de acceptat pentru mine este faptul ca sunt fiinta umana supusa greselilor. Am limitele proprii si le ating prin relationare.

Un barbat cu care m-am intalnit vreme de 6 luni mi-a spus ca este un suflet slab. Poate ca asa este, pentru el... Pentru mine a fost o oglinda atat de clara, ca uneori mi-a fost greu sa ma uit in ea. Pentru ca imi vedeam limitarile. Stiu ca este in mine o parte spirituala, o cunosc si este capabila de iubire neconditionata. Nu ma indoiesc de asta. Dar cu acest om mi-am vazut cu claritate partea mea de fiinta umana. Si partea asta nu iubeste neconditionat. Are nevoie de iubire impartasita, nu se descurca cu neconditionarea. Cel putin acum stiu...

Inca ma mai pot rataci printre etichetari si nevoia de a sti, nevoia de siguranta. Si mai spun o data:

Nu merge asa! Nu exista siguranta care sa vina din exterior. Este o iluzie. Este ca si cu aerul: il poti respira, dar nu-l poti atinge, nu-l poti prinde, nu-l poti tine in maini. Intelege asta o data pentru totdeauna!

Din inima,
Ram