I saved myself from 'saving'

As a true 'Savior' I was living my life 'saving' others by helping them. Thinking that people need my help, I was giving them, with all my good intentions, whatever resources I had, be that knowledge, assistance... And the funny thing is that these 'helping' situations were ending more or less with me feeling frustrated and pressured, asking 'I am giving you everything. Why do you need to demand for it, since I am anyway freely giving it?'

Now, knowing that repetitive situations come with a meaning, I started to search for 'the catch' in this. And so I learned that wanting to help someone goes hand in hand with sending out the message 'you're not good enough / you can't handle this / you won't manage... '. I learned that by saying to someone 'I can help you, I'll do it for you' that person is being minimized. That by not giving trust in someone's capabilities and resources, the very potential of that person is being cutted off.

The painful truth was that, while I was thinking that it is about the other's wellbeing, it was in fact about my own need to help, to feel useful. Realizing this chaged my whole perspective.

People don't need help, they don't need to be saved. If there is something that we, human beings, need... that is Love.

The quality of my attention has changed since I'm not searching anymore 'ways to help'. With time I learned that love has no desire to change. Love simply accepts what is, as acceptance is its nature. And, paradoxically, letting go to any desire to change, a door is open: the door to the space of acceptance, to the space of authenticity within. The only space where true transformation becomes possible.
With time I learned that I'm not here to help you, I'm here to offer nourishment an support and my undivided attention, being open, loving, warm and kind. And most of all, respecting your inner potential, your true nature, your uniqueness.

If you're not satisfied and you're still demanding 'more'... remember that fulfilling your needs is different than meeting up your expectations.

Love,
Priya

M-am salvat de a salva

Ca o adevarata 'Salvatoare', mi-am trait o buna parte din viata 'salvandu-i' pe ceilalti. Crezand ca oamenii au nevoie de ajutorul meu, le dadeam, de altfel cu cele mai bune intentii, orice putea fi considerat resursa - cunoastere (practic si/sau teoretic), asistenta, lucruri materiale... Partea care-mi dadea cu virgula era ca, aceste situatii ori relatii in care eu eram 'salvatoare' se terminau, mai mult sau mai putin cu mine simtindu-ma sub presiune si frustrata, intreband 'Daca iti dau tot ce am, de buna voie, de ce mai e nevoie sa vii si sa imi ceri?'

Stiind eu ca orice situatie care se repeta vine cu un rost, am inceput sa caut unde-i 'smecheria'. Si asa am invatat ca a vrea sa ajut pe cineva vine la pachet cu mesajul 'Nu esti destul de bun(a) / Nu te poti descurca / Nu vei reusi... '
Am mai invatat ca, a spune cuiva 'Fac eu asta in locul tau' minimizeaza omul respectiv. Ca, prin a nu avea incredere in capacitatile si resursele cuiva, anulez potentialul acelui om.

Adevarul (crud asa) era ca, in timp ce-mi spuneam ca este vorba despre binele celuilalt, de fapt era vorba despre propria mea nevoie de a ajuta, de a ma simti utila. Cand mi-am dat seama de asta, s-a schimbat si perspectiva.

Oamenii nu au nevoie de ajutor, nu au nevoie sa fie salvati. Daca este ceva de care noi, oamenii, avem intr-adevar nevoie, este Iubire.

Calitatea atentiei mele s-a schimbat de cand nu mai caut moduri prin care sa ajut, sa salvez. Cu timpul, am invatat ca iubirea nu doreste sa schimbe nimic. Iubirea pur si simplu accepta, intrucat acceptarea este chiar natura ei. Si, paradoxal, eliberand orice dorinta de a schimba, se deschide o usa: usa catre spatiul acceptarii, catre spatiul autenticitatii ce vine din interior. Singurul spatiu unde adevarata transformare devine posibila.
Cu timpul, am invatat ca nu sunt aici sa te ajut, ci sunt aici sa ofer aceasta prezenta hranitoare, sprijin si intreaga mea atentie, fiind in natura mea deschisa, iubitoare, calda si blanda. Si, in special, respectand potentialul tau, adevarata ta natura, unicitatea ta.

Iar daca asta nu te satisface si inca ceri 'mai mult'... aminteste-ti ca a-ti implini nevoile este diferit de a satisface asteptarile tale.

Din inima,
Priya