Trusting Life

From time to time I go to Osho's website and try a single card. A Zen Tarot card to inspire my day, my moment.

Not even a month ago I was asking myself 'Where is Life taking me now?' with no idea of a precise answer but just trust. (http://talesofalovingheart.blogspot.com/2010/02/being-woman.html)
Yesterday I wrote about omens, about moments of taking the jump into unknown, about trusting life...

So today, when I saw this card, Trust, telling that 'now is the moment to be a bungee jumper without the cord', it was one of those moments when everything just stops and time and space are infinite, in an instant that could as well be an eternity.

Then I said... OK. Seems that change is here again. It is time for me to take another jump? Is it time to move on? Where to?
I don't know, but I'm curious to find out :)) And since it already happened so many times, I kind of learned to trust the process. To trust life. Just as this card is saying:


Don't waste your life for that which is going to be taken away. Trust life. If you trust, only then can you drop your knowledge, only then can you put your mind aside. And with trust, something immense opens up. Then this life is no longer ordinary life, it becomes full of God, overflowing.

When the heart is innocent and the walls have disappeared, you are bridged with infinity. And you are not deceived; there is nothing that can be taken away from you. That which can be taken away from you is not worth keeping, and that which cannot be taken away from you... why should one be afraid of its being taken away? It cannot be taken away, there is no possibility. You cannot lose your real treasure.

Osho The Sun Rises in the Evening Chapter 9

Commentary:

Now is the moment to be a bungee jumper without the cord! And it is this quality of absolute trust, with no reservations or secret safety nets, that the Knight of Water demands from us.

There is a tremendous sense of exhilaration if we can take the jump and move into the unknown, even if the idea scares us to death. And when we take trust to the level of the quantum leap, we don't make any elaborate plans or preparations. We don't say, "Okay, I trust that I know what to do now, and I'll settle my things and pack my suitcase and take it with me." No, we just jump, with hardly a thought for what happens next. The leap is the thing, and the thrill of it as we free-fall through the empty sky.

The card gives a hint here, though, about what waits for us at the other end - a soft, welcoming, yummy pink, rose petals, juicy...c'mon!

What can I say but... Thank you :)
Let life be lived! Let the adventure go on! :))))

Love,
Ram

Butterflies are good omens

I am listening to this man I love. He's talking about his work, with enthusiasm and curiosity and desire to make things function better, with love for people, with creativity and craziness and presence and flow... especially presence and flow... He's talking about the very good results he's having, about the CEO being happy and content, appreciating his work.

Yet, he wants something else. Sometimes a thought is coming to my mind... "You're so good in what you're doing, why not just doing it?" Then again, I understand that no matter how good you are in what you're doing, if there's still a calling inside for something else, you're not living your purpose yet, your heart has not found its desire.

I remember this one day, a Monday, I was in the subway going to the office job I had back then. At that time I was already having NLP weekends as the second job. The weekend before this one Monday, I just had my first NLP workshop, not as assistant in NLP Practitioner groups which I was doing since quite some months, but as co-trainer with a colleague. It was a Saturday workshop where only 4 people came :) and yet, I was not disappointed and I had that workshop with the same energy and enthusiasm as if they were 20 people in that room. At the end of the day, people told me they were impressed we haven't canceled the day and they felt they received, each, something precious from that day.
While going to office that Monday I opened a book. And first thing I read was this question:

"What do you love to do so much that, instead of being paid, you would even pay to do it?"

And I cried there, in the subway, knowing that I just found my 'thing'. The money from the 4 people didn't covered all the expenses, and yet I was so happy, so peaceful, so fulfilled and grateful... It was a confirmation that my work in this life is with people.

Since then, years have passed and the form of my work might have changed, took different shapes, went more deeper to connection from soul to soul. I don't know what future lays ahead of me. I don't know what or when changes might come again. But I still feel the silence, the peace within when I work with people, for their wholeness, to my wholeness as well.

I know I'm a small puzzle piece in a bigger image and when time came for me to move on, I did. So how could I not understand him when wanting something else, when wanting to leave the safe place and go into unknown, try the new? I remember how many times did I jumped into unknown... letting safeness behind and just jumping... Without knowing what is there waiting for me, and still taking the jump just because I felt I must! And what I can say now, is that I learned that what matters is not necessary What am I doing, but to do it whole heartedly.

If I jump into unknown, then I have to jump with full trust. If I choose to step on 'safe ground', then again I have to step trustfully. I see this coming along with maturity. Not jumping because wanting to escape from, but because it is the way in this present moment. Jumping being aware of the jump and the consequences that might come, and still jump trustfully. Not stepping on 'safe grounds' because fear of change, but because it is the way in this present moment. Being aware of the action as well of the fact I will face consequences of my own action.

There's a saying of Osho... If you don't know where your heart is, just jump, and in this jumping your heart will start beating so fast, there's not going to be any problem in finding it. I must admit this saying got me with some big nasty bruises until I got its meaning :))

Sometimes jump is the way. Other times just wait and be still is the way. Sometimes I was so blinded by omens that I did not saw what was really happening. And sometimes I totally ignored the omens because I wanted to 'create that reality'.

Each moment enfolds its own way. And I think flowing is about taking each moment as it is, with its own way. I used to feel I don't have enough time to do everything so I rushed in, stupidly, many times.

Now I know there's a time for everything... Just be willing and open for everything coming your way, trusting that it comes in the precise form you need it, in this precise moment you need it.

In the end, everything is so simple, that the complicated mind cannot but remained puzzled and amazed in front of this simplicity of life.

Love,
Ram

My life manifest

A dear friend asked me to write to him what is my mission and my vision for this life. I thank him for this question and I'm writing it here.

I'm walking in this life a path of service. I'm stepping on it with love in my heart and respect for Life, in a gentle and kind way, while learning to remain true to my being.

I have the vision of a world where people relate from a space of love and respect towards themselves and others. A world where hearts are open, embracing each moment with their true nature.

I believe that when people know what is their talent, when people find out what is that unique gift they bring into this world, competition becomes collaboration and we all can contribute to this world of living with love, kindness and respect.



I believe it is in my mission to be a part of this world and to participate in creating it. And this is what I do each day, through my work, through my being.

A while ago, I wrote down how I want my life to be. Or, better said, what I chose to make out of this life I'm living now. So here it is:

My life manifest

:)

Awareness. That’s the first thing coming to my mind. My life is a great opportunity to bring awareness in everything I do, I say, I feel, I act, I think, I create….

Love. Everything I do, I do it with love, from love and for the sake of love. Love towards myself and love towards all the human beings. Love towards all the living creatures and love to this planet Earth. Love to the whole Universe and to everything that is. Love for Life.

Happiness and joy. I create realities that bring happiness and joy in my life and in the lives of all people I’m interacting with.

Sunshine. Sunshine is a place inside me as well as outside me. Every day I let myself be cherished, loved, nurtured, embraced, healed, warmed by the sunshine, wherever that is.

Meaning and service. Everything I do, think or feel has a meaning and is aligned with the Greater Wisdom that created me and with this life purpose. I offer myself and my all to Existence, to live a life with meaning and in service of humanity.

Health. All my actions and thoughts generate physical, emotional, spiritual health. If something unhealthy for body, mind or spirit comes my way, I just say thank you and easily release it.

Abundance and prosperity. I open myself to receive each moment all the resources that I need and all that I want and ask for. I chose to live now in a stream of abundance and prosperity.

Gratitude, meditation, stillness and inner peace. I start each day by thanking God for this life and for everything in it. I meditate each day and connect with that place inside me, in the very center of my being, endlessly silent, where stillness and peace is, where All is.

Music and dance. I’m listening the music that the Universe is singing and I am dancing my way through life.

Inspiration. I live each day in inspiration and I receive the flow of life. I spend each day moments just being with myself, connected with my inner source of inspiration that comes from aligning me with the Divine Wisdom.

Nature. I belong to nature and nature is my teacher. I live in total harmony with nature and each day I take some time to go out and just be, breathe, love and honor the Nature and Mother Earth. And by this, I respect my own nature.

Freedom. I have the freedom to live my life the way I chose each moment. I am free to be who I am.

And so it is. And so shall be.

Love,
Ram

Waves can't fool the Ocean

Waves are waves. Waves can't fool the ocean, nor themselves. They come and go. And the wave's watcher knows every second that it will pass too.
Waves don't stop. They come and go and come again. Wave can't fool the Ocean. Ocean doesn't think that wave has left and won't ever come back.
Ocean simply knows. Believes. Doesn't think.

Closeness is the same. Togetherness is the same.
They come and go and come again.
And you can't fool Love, nor yourself.
Love simply is. Believes. Doesn't think.

Love,
Ram

Reflections

She’s hovering around me. Showing her teeth. She comes out and grabs my throat. Ruthlessly. With her grin. With her cynicism. She’s dancing around me saying all kind. She laughs inside my soul and asks…

Do you really believe?
Are you really worthy?
It’s going to hurt. Again.
Can you catch It in your hand?
Is It real?
Go away. Run.
I will cover you.
I'll be your excuse.
Run while you still have time.
Trussst me.
Only I can protect you.
Only I can make you unseen.
Untouchable.
So small that no one can reach you.
Loose the essence and loose yourself in details…
Loose yourself.
Loose yourself to me…

I can’t breathe. I take one step back. Another one. And another one.

I see better now, don't I? And I have more space to breathe… I breathe connecting with the love inside. With the strength inside.

I start sniffing. What is this smell? It's so familiar, this stink...

I become a mirror… I’m hovering around her. I show her my teeth. I have teeth too, you know? She has throat too. I too can grin ruthlessly. And I have a voice too… I shout and throw myself into her. Totally.

When to grab it, she’s no more.

I breathe, I hug myself and whisper to me…

Sshhh…
It was only her, the Fear. She got old you know since she’s hovering around you. She's not that powerful anymore.
And you grew up, my dear.

I’m breathing. I’m smiling. I’m a Big Girl now.

Where’s the Fear to snatch it?

Love,
Ram

 

Reflecţii

Îmi dă târcoale. Îşi arată colţii. Iese şi se prinde-n beregata mea. Nemiloasă. Cu rânjetul ei. Cu cinismul ei. Dansează în jurul meu şi-mi zice de tot felul. Îmi râde în suflet şi mă-ntreabă…

Chiar crezi?
Chiar meriţi?
O să doară. Iar.
Poţi să prinzi cu mâna?
E real?
Pleacă. Fugi. 
Te acopăr eu.
O să fiu scuza ta.
Fugi cât mai ai timp.
Ai încredere în mine.
Doar eu te pot proteja.
Doar eu te pot face de nevăzut.
De neatins.
Atât de mică încât nimeni să nu poată ajunge la tine.
Pierde esenţa şi pierde-te-n detalii...
Pierde-te.
Pierde-te mie…

Nu pot să respir. Dau un pas înapoi. Încă unul. Şi încă unul.

Parcă văd mai bine acum? Şi am mai mult spaţiu să respir… Respir şi mă conectez cu iubirea din mine. Cu forţa din mine.

Încep să adulmec. A ce-mi miroase aici? Mi-e aşa de cunoscută duhoarea asta...

Devin oglindă… Îi dau târcoale. Îmi arăt colţii. Am şi eu colţi. Are şi ea beregată. Am şi eu rânjet nemilos. Am şi grai… Urlu şi mă arunc în ea. Total.

Când s-o prind, nu mai era.

Respir, mă iau în braţe şi-mi şoptesc:

Sshhh…
Era doar ea, Frica. A-mbătrânit de când tot dă târcoale. Nu mai e aşa puternică.
Iar tu ai crescut, draga mea.

Respir, zâmbesc. M-am facut Om Mare.

Unde-i Frica să o-nşfac?

Din inimă,
Ram

Being a Woman

These are precious times when I'm discovering a lot about me as a woman, through relating with a man.

Last week we met. Intense beautiful meeting. Again. Moments full of just being, of gentleness, of openness, of fun and laughter, of freedom and shared love.

In a moment when I really opened in love, I could feel there is a space inside me that belongs to the man. Like it is the man’s home from inside me. A space that it is not to be filled with feminine but with masculine. Realizing this and just allowing him to be inside this space, I felt I am Woman. I felt I am Love. I felt I surrender to the womanhood inside me. I felt I am flowering and flowering and flowering.
There was no fight with this, no resistance, just giving and receiving. Inviting him to freely be in this space. And the energy was naturally flowing into the heart, having the consistence of honey, and when reaching the heart… heart was flowering and flowering and flowering… It was not me doing anything, not me moving the energy intentionally through breathing or else… it was just flowing. And that made me feel fulfilled as never in this life, as I was opening and allowing all these to happen, having no control on anything but trust.

I feel like I experienced the yin-yang exactly as in the symbol. Just like in the yin part there is a small circle of yang and in the yang part there is a small circle of yin, in perfect balance, I was the yin embracing that yang circle inside me. I was the Woman receiving the Man. Simple and beautiful.
No coincidence that it happened after I balanced these energies inside me, after I embraced them both as being mine. The outer is reflecting me, once again, what is already inside…

Another special moment happened when I was truly living my nature as being Love and he was there, pure presence, living his nature as Freedom and we were deeply connected… That moment it was Love and Freedom together and it happened when we both were authentic to who we are, when I was Woman and he was Man. The more man he was and the more woman I was, the natural our togetherness was, the perfect our union was.

And now, when I write, it comes to me that yes, for me it is true: freedom comes from love, as I am woman and my nature is love. So when I live my true nature, only then I am free. But man’s nature is freedom. So maybe for him is the other way round: love comes from freedom. When man is free, when he lives his true nature, only then love can flower in him.

Then why do I sometimes feel shocked? Because I am not used to this. It is new. Very very new. The system doesn’t recognize all these so it is in shock. Not huge one :) but still… the general state of mind is… not knowing. A big not knowing.

I feel I am adjusting on this new way of being. Confusion is here but also awareness. I see it is a process going on with me and him as well. What will happen when this process of coming into being will end? I don’t know… sometimes I’m curious to find out, sometimes not even curious. I feel the important thing to acknowledge now and to give space to, is this growth that is happening. And as much as something in me would love this connection to last, because it is so good, so beautiful, so amazing, that wisdom within knows that it will end when its ending time will come. Because what has a beginning, has a middle and an end too. I did not forced the beginning, it happened by being present in the right time and in the right moment. What is now, again, it is not forced to be, it just flows. So I’m not forcing the end to come either. Instead, I trust the process. I trust my inner wisdom and I trust God.

When I came home, I was looking out from my window and the question came… Where is life taking me now? I don’t know, but it’s new. I see it like until now I was crawling, walking like a baby with the hands on the ground too, not being able to stand on my own two feet. And now, since taking responsibility for my own pain and for my own life and for the process I’m in, I stood up and start walking like an adult. Not like a baby that needs others to take care, but like an adult, carrying my scars and my gifts too. I see it’s the beginning of this path, the beginning of my maturity. The spring of the woman. The noon of this life.

Lot of other things happened in a different way than before. Like not stepping into drama in situations in which I would have done it in the past, not feeling rejected when I felt him not present and he confirmed it, sensing the difference between ‘being’ and ‘performing’ and therefore stopped performing, expressing the thoughts, the feelings, the emotions, seeing my needs and taking care of them, being there for him but not taking him on my shoulders, showing myself as I am with no shame involved, not sending hooks but giving space, surrendering myself to the womanhood inside, to the love I feel, to the woman I can be and not to him as he would own me, not trying to DO something for him to feel better but connecting again and again with my heart and taking my power not from his presence but from my heart.

Indeed these are new times and I thank for each moment.

Love,
Ram

I am

I'm in the world
The world is me
I'm inside me
I see myself 
Earth breathes in me
flesh is of trees and flowers
bones are rocks
sea is waving through blood
and air is the space between cells...

My eyes are gates
towards this Universe inside

I close my eyes
I open the inner Viewer
I see the miracle
The wonder of this Being
Sky is my inner skin
Stars are my cells
Sun shines in my heart
and moon is resting in my womb

In the silent dance of my inner watery garden
I'm a floating spark.
I float.
I am.

Love,
Ram