tales of a loving heart

The story of a smiling little flower

2011-06-21T20:49:00.002+03:00

Once upon a time there was a little wondering flower and a happy old man. They lived their lives without knowing about each other. Until one day, when the happy old man saw the little wondering flower. He sat next to her and just breath for a while. And then he said:

Everything has a purpose. And in its purpose, everything is perfect just as it is. If you know you are a perfect being, do you need someone else to confirm this for you? Would you rather listen to an outer voice then your own inner voice?

Be happy where you are. There's no other place, there's no other time...

And so, the happy old man left, leaving the little wondering flower with a smile in her heart :)

Love,
Ram

whispers...

2011-01-25T02:20:00.000+02:00

I asked my heart
tell me about God
and it was silence

I asked God
tell me about Love
and it was spring

I asked Love
tell me about Compassion
and it was life

I asked Compassion
tell me about Happiness
and it was dance

I asked Happiness
tell me about You
and it was me

I asked You
tell me about God
and it was silence

Love,
Ram

playfulness

2011-01-22T18:43:00.000+02:00

first, I remember I am light

then I love
so God can flower in my heart

then I paint
so the flower can choose its colors

then the Nature comes
with a touch of fragrance
and a breeze of dance

Shall we play together? :)

Love,
Ram

nameless

2011-01-21T01:53:00.000+02:00

desiring, I call you into manifestation.
desireless, I allow everything to be as it is.
and even your non-existence has a meaning in this now.
Together, we can become one
and yet alone, I am already One.

Love takes its own shape and follows its own path.
who I am to question it?

label love and it is already gone.
nameless, it can freely flow.

Love,
Ram

being

2011-01-14T22:22:00.000+02:00

in stillness I find your flow
in silence I hear you music
in breathing I sense your fragrance
in love I feel your grace

in living
I receive your benediction

Love,
Ram

thank you

2011-01-13T01:30:00.002+02:00

thank you for not demanding
this is how I have the space to freely give

thank you for seeing me
this is how I have the space to grow

thank you for loving me
this is how I have the space to flower

thank you for not labeling me
this is how I have the space to freely be

thank you for being who you are
as this is how I have the space to be who I am

Love,
Ram

Dreams

2011-01-10T01:12:00.000+02:00

Some dreams are like this... They end.

And you wake up.

Let's have a cup of tea, shall we?

:)

Love,
Ram

Situations and self love

2010-11-03T18:05:00.000+02:00

Let's consider a situation. As 'situations' happen all the time anyway. If I'm missing a feeling of clarity, of rightness, of flow, I'm checking these few things:

How is this self love?
How does this shows self respect?
Does it really follow my heart?
Is it appropriate to act? If yes, how?

Usually, answering these questions brings back the inner alignment. Also, it gives me clarity on how am I respecting other/s involved in the situation. And by respecting others I mean really respecting their decisions, even if those decisions doesn't match my thinking and/or feeling.

Is it always easy? Not necessarily. But hey, do you wanna be happy? Or something?

Love,
Ram

Let the form create itself

2010-10-27T16:00:00.001+03:00

Listening and following the inner guidance leads to inspired actions. And inspired actions lead to inspired, meaningful life.

Do not force the form into being. Let the form create itself.

This message has been with me since a while, and I'm continuously witnessing its manifestation.

It was part of my learning to let go of control, to let go of desire, of how I want things to be. To trust. To flow. To be.

To discover that life in its wisdom is much more creative than I am by myself, when it comes to the 'how' and 'what' of things.

To breathe in the stream of life.

And I'm wondering... Is it really you who creates through being alive? Or is it Life who creates through you?

Love,
Ram

Die in each moment

2010-10-17T00:00:00.004+03:00

One day, almost one year ago, I was meditating in Amma's Darshan. Feeling my heart healing and opening. Feeling alive inside. In that precious moment of aliveness I asked God how can I hold it inside. He answered... Die in each moment.
(http://talesofalovingheart.blogspot.com/2009/12/and-god-said.html)

These words resonate within, now as fresh as then... Gently looking in my heart I see there are some old feelings, few old dreams, some old significant others, some old words and old deeds that it's time to let go to. I guess there's no room for old in Now, isn't it?

There is beauty, warmth and easiness in letting go with gratitude. It brings a light flavor of grace and benediction.

The heart knows there are no strings when it comes to love.

Love,
Ram

Art Love

2010-10-03T13:25:00.001+03:00

Keep on learning to love.

Keep on being my master.

Love,
Ram

Change starts within me!

2010-10-01T12:58:00.003+03:00

It's becoming clearer and clearer for me that only a hurt man can hurt someone else.Only a man who was aggressed can be aggressive. Only the one who was abandoned, can abandon someone else. And the one who was rejected can reject.

As well as, once you know kindness, you can be also kind. Once you learn to openly receive, you can abundantly give. From the moment you feel understood, you can be understanding as well. And, once you let yourself touched by love, you can manifest love around you...

It is the wound in you that pushes you to hurt, as well as it is the love in you that inspires you to love.

Because, once you receive a life model, a way of being, another option for living, you can choose. And people indeed make the best choice every single moment. If only they have from where to choose. That's all.

It's up to me and you and all of us to give life models. Models of love, kindness, respect, joy, understanding, offering, communion.

Because, be the change you want to see in the world are not just words once Gandhi said. They have become a way of living.

Love,
Ram

Oneness

2010-09-15T23:16:00.001+03:00

Healing my heart
is healing the humanity’s heart.

The love and light in my heart
is the love and light in God’s heart.
The love in God’s heart does not know
attachment or desire.
The love in God’s heart knows only
to give itself each moment.
In it lays the ancient wisdom of life.
All I ever need to know it is here,
in my heart.

And my heart is in the heart of God.

Love,
Ram

When life happens here and now

2010-08-24T12:15:00.003+03:00

This morning I've been to park. Yes, again :)

I touched the trees and I let my hands to feel them and to tell them that I love and thank them. For they teach me to accept, to feel my roots and crown, to listen to the silence in my soul and to whisper it to other people too, travelers in my life, if they have time and willingness to stay for a while and to listen in the silence of their own soul...

I caressed with my eyes the birds on the lake and I told them too that I love and thank them. As they quietly float their way living life on the lake, teaching me every time to Be, to breathe, to smile within my heart :)

I breathed with the lake, letting myself dive into the depths of my heart, embraced by the love found here with the same velvety sensation with which water also is embracing me each time we dance together. And I thanked them, the lake, the heart and the love too, as I'm learning from them to flow and to embrace with my whole being, not only with my arms...

I rested my body on the grass, still green and soft, and I told her too that I love and thank her. I thank her that she receives me, she supports me, she teaches me to be humble and to pay attention, the same attention that made possible to notice that each blade of grass has a different shade of green...

I melted in the morning sun and I let his rays to touch my skin and to awake my each cell, then I opened my heart to breath him in there, so that I can give light and warmth around me as he also gives. And rays from my heart went towards the sun to let him know that I love and thank him, as he's teaching me to be present, to give and to love with no other purpose than living my nature, to let my inner light to shine, not because someone is seeing it, but because this is the only meaning of light...

And I closed my eyes and thanked that I am living all these even here, in a middle of a city...

Cause after all, where does heaven come from, if not from the openness to seek and find the beauty in every single thing that exists right here, right now, and to simply enjoy it?

Love,
Ram

Cand viata se intampla aici si acum

Am fost dimineata in parc. Da, iar :)

Am atins copacii si mi-am lasat palmele sa-i simta si sa le spuna ca ii iubesc si ca le multumesc. Le multumesc ca ma invata sa accept, sa imi simt radacinile si coroana, sa-mi ascult linistea din suflet si sa o soptesc si altora, trecatori in viata mea, de au timp si bunavointa sa se opreasca pentru o vreme si sa asculte, in linistea din sufletul lor.

Am mangaiat cu privirea ratele si le-am spus si lor ca le iubesc si le multumesc. Le multumesc ca-si vad linistite de plutirea lor, de viata pe lac, ca ma invata de fiecare data sa Fiu, sa respir si sa zambesc asa, din inima :)

Am respirat cu lacul, lasandu-ma scufundata in adancimile inimii mele, imbratisata de iubirea gasita aici cu aceeasi senzatie de catifea cu care si apa ma imbratiseaza atunci cand dansam impreuna. Si le-am multumit, si lacului si inimii si iubirii, ca ma invata sa curg, sa plutesc, sa imbratisez cu toata fiinta mea, nu doar cu bratele...

Mi-am odihnit trupul pe iarba inca verde, inca moale, inca fina si i-am spus si ei ca o iubesc si-i multumesc. Ii multumesc ca ma primeste, ma sustine, ma invata smerenia si atentia fara de care n-as fi observat ca fiecare fir de iarba are alta nuanta de verde...

M-am topit in soarele de dimineata si i-am lasat razele sa-mi atinga pielea si sa-mi trezeasca fiecare celula, si mi-am deschis inima sa-l inspir acolo, sa pot darui in jur si eu, ca si el, lumina si caldura. Si raze din inima mea au pornit catre soare ca sa-i spuna ca-l iubesc si-i multumesc ca ma invata sa fiu prezenta, sa daruiesc si sa iubesc fara un scop anume, ci pentru ca asta mi-e menirea, sa-mi las lumina sa straluceasca nu pentru ca cineva o vede, ci pentru ca asta-i rostul luminii...

Si am inchis ochii si am multumit ca pot sa traiesc toate astea chiar si aici, intr-un mijloc de oras...

Pentru ca, pana la urma, de unde se naste paradisul daca nu din deschiderea de a gasi frumusetea in tot ce este chiar aici, chiar acum, si pur si simplu de a te bucura?

Din inima,
Ram

Message from an angel

2010-08-17T22:07:00.003+03:00

Life is amazing!
Go out. Play and have fun.
Feel good about life. Feel good about yourself.

Help others.

Smile :)
Be gentle with yourself and kind towards people.

Learn from nature.
Respect Life in every form of it!

Love. And be free!

Love,
Ram

I love mornings!

2010-08-11T19:24:00.001+03:00

I love peaceful mornings in the quiet park, with the trees and the grass and the lake and the morning fresh air and the birds and the blue-blue sky and the morning sun!

Nature has been and it still is for me the perfect master...

Everything in nature has its perfect place, so why would we think it’s different with us? Everything in nature is in harmony, so why would it be different with our life?

The only moments when the harmony is missing from nature are when mankind interferes in the nature’s natural flow…

Imagine, just for a moment, how would everything settle in your life if you’d stop interfere in its natural flow?

Love,
Ram

in love

2010-07-29T00:22:00.001+03:00

falling in love
I learned to alchemize
and because of it
now I'm a magician

being in love
I learned to open, accept and heal
and because of it
now I am whole

rising in love
I learned to fly
and because of this
now I am free.

Love,
Ram

The amazing simplicity of love

2010-07-26T21:15:00.002+03:00

We master what we practice. As many others like me, I practiced since I was a little girl 'you're not allowed to...', 'it's not good to...', 'it's not proper to...', 'a little girl doesn't behave like this' and other things and 'realities' meant to complicate and to tangle the relating space between two or more people.

I grew up with masks given and borrowed from the procession of adults that was present in my childhood. I grew up learning rather to be who I am not, having a constant feeling that it doesn't work like this, that something is wrong, incongruent. Wanting to please and to 'make it work', I complicated my relationships through not having the courage to be who I was, as I was in each This moment.

All these just to eventually learn that love is really, really simple. That relating from fear and conditioning makes life twisted and complicated, while relating from love makes everything natural, flowing, smooth and simple. That, if it is allowed to freely flow, love takes new and new shapes even in the same context. That it gives space and freedom. It allows you to be, to manifest, to discover yourself, always you, always new. To learn that love opens, includes, expands.

And that, through silence, love speaks to me. So simple. And so, so beautiful...

Love,
Ram

Uimitoarea simplitate a iubirii

Devenim maestri in ceea ce practicam. Iar eu, ca si altii ca mine, am practicat de mica 'nu e voie sa...', 'nu e bine sa...', ' nu se cade sa...', 'o fetita nu face asa ceva' si tot felul de alte lucruri si 'realitati' menite sa incurce si sa complice spatiul relationarii dintre doi sau mai multi oameni.

Am crescut cu masti date si imprumutate de la alaiul de adulti ce mi-a populat copilaria. Am crescut invatand mai degraba sa fiu cine nu sunt, cu un constant sentiment ca nu merge asa, ca ceva nu e in regula, nu e la locul lui. Vrand sa fiu 'pe plac' si 'sa fie bine', am complicat relatiile, neavand curaj sa fiu cine sunt eu asa cum eram in fiecare Acest moment.

Ca sa invat, pana la urma, ca iubirea este de fapt tare, tare simpla. Ca relationarea din frica si conditionari face viata sa devina sucita si complicata, in timp ce relationarea din iubire este naturala, curgatoare, simpla. Ca, lasata sa curga liber, iubirea ia noi si noi forme chiar si in acelasi cadru. Ca ofera spatiu si libertate. Ca permite sa fii, sa te manifesti, sa te descoperi mereu tu, mereu nou. Ca iubirea deschide, include, extinde.

Si ca, prin liniste, imi vorbeste. Atat de simplu. Si atat de frumos...

Din inima,
Ram

Butchering through memories

2010-07-17T03:54:00.000+03:00

Maybe you don't see us as moments, said him.

And he was right. No, I wasn't seeing the us relational episode as 'moments', but as a continuous something that grew and suddenly stopped at one moment in time, to remain suspended somewhere in my inner universe, not knowing exactly what to do or where to go further.

So, I took my imaginary axe, put on the relational butcher gloves, and tenaciously chopped everything into small pieces. Until all that was left were just some moments. Beautiful indeed, but nothing more than moments.

After all, a cake can be digested only if you chunk it down into small, delicious, juicy, one bite at a time pieces...

Teenager's mother - what a challenge!

2010-07-16T01:03:00.001+03:00

I don't know how much I taught my Bia so far, but for sure I wanted her to learn to be independent. To be able to decide for herself, to be aware of what she feels, of what her body is communicating to her.

I taught her that the most important resources are the ones inside her and it's about those resources that no one can take them away from her and they can't finish either.

To let no one telling her what she isn't and what she can't do, or to accept labels coming from her teachers frustrations and limitations. To have courage telling the truth in any situation, because otherwise, through lying is like she is canceling herself and she's giving her power to the one she's lying to.

To know that she is much more than what her colleagues, her teachers, her grandparents, her neighbors and other adults are able to see. To know that people see the world as they are, not as the world is, that we perceive in others what we can see, hear, feel in a certain moment, yet this doesn't mean that what we see, hear, feel is everything.

I'm watching her now. She's already traveling alone, she can handle in new places, she decides what she wants to do, she makes her own schedule, she recognizes the emotional manipulation of those adults who probably forgot that education means to support the child in finding out what are his/hers talents and use them.

And of course she is applying with me the same principles she learned, by the way, from me... So what if I want to spend the weekend together, out of the city, to relax, to enjoy the sun, to tell stories? She has other plans. With her friends.

Leaving me, I admit, a bit frustrated and without 'the object of my attention'. Talking to myself... Do you mean we're not going to spend these days together? Well, yes, I was thinking we are... So, now what? Take some time Ramona dear and find other meaning to these days that you wanted to spend with your daughter, which actually grown up to be a teen with her own plans...

So you think it's easy? Well, think again...

Love,
Ram

Mama de adolescenta... ditamai provocarea!

Nu stiu cat de multe am invatat-o eu pe Bia mea pana acum, dar cu siguranta am tinut sa invete sa fie independenta. Sa decida ea pentru ea, sa fie constienta de ceea ce simte, de ce ii spune corpul ei.

Am invatat-o ca intotdeauna resursele ei cele mai importante sunt in interior si sunt acele resurse pe care nu i le poate lua nimeni si nici nu se pot termina.

Sa nu lase pe nimeni sa-i spuna ce nu e si ce nu poate, ori sa accepte etichete puse din frustrarile si limitarile doamnelor si domnilor profesori... Sa aibe curaj sa spuna adevarul in orice situatie, pentru ca altfel, mintind, se anuleaza ea pe ea si isi da puterea celui pe care il minte.

Sa stie ca ea este mai mult decat pot vedea acum colegii, profesorii, bunicii, vecinii si alti adulti care, de altfel, au propriile lor perceptii. Sa stie ca oamenii vad lumea asa cum sunt ei, ca percepem in ceilalti ceea ce noi putem vedea, auzi, simti intr-un moment dat, dar ca asta nu inseamna ca vedem, auzim, simtim tot.

Ma uit la ea acum. Calatoreste singura, se descurca in locuri noi, decide ce vrea sa faca, isi face singura programul, isi da seama de manipularile emotionale ale adultilor care au uitat probabil ca a educa inseamna a sprijini copilul sa descopere ceea ce ii place si sa si faca acel lucru.

Si bineinteles ca imi aplica si mie aceleasi principii pe care le-a invatat, de altfel, de la mine... Ce daca eu imi doresc sa petrecem weekendul impreuna in afara Bucurestiului, sa ne relaxam, sa stam la soare, sa povestim? Ea are alte planuri. Cu prietenii ei.

Lasandu-ma, recunosc, usor frustrata si fara 'obiectul muncii'. Stand de vorba eu cu mine... Adica nu petrecem impreuna? Pai eu asa ma gandisem... Bun, si acum ce? Stai Ramona draga si cauta sa dai alt sens zilelor pe care doreai sa le petreci cu copila ta, adolescenta cu planuri personale de pe-acuma...

Zici ca-i usor? Mai gandeste-te...

Din inima,
Ram

Human being and love

2010-07-11T14:00:00.003+03:00

The difficulties are always with your self, not with the other one. When you learn this, then any relationship is as good as it is.

I was writing this in my diary, September, last year.

The difficulties I had in relating with a man were all with my self. Not with his stubbornness, but with my own. When I wanted to put a label to what was happening between us, I watched it die.

Life has its own way of teaching me humbleness whenever I forget it. The hardest part to accept is that I am human also and, therefore, I do mistakes. I have limits and through relating I reached them.

A man I dated for 6 months told me he’s a weak soul. Maybe he is, for his concern... For me he was a mirror so clear, that many times it was difficult to look into it. Because I was seeing my limitations. I know the spiritual part in me and that is the one capable of unconditional love. I do not doubt this. But with him I clearly saw my human part also, and this human part has no ability of loving such. This human part needs shared love, it can't handle the unconditional. At least now I know it...

I still can get lost in labeling and the need to know, the need for safety. And I'm saying it again:

It does not work like this! There is no such thing as safety coming from outside! It is an illusion. It is just like the air: you can breathe it, but you cannot touch it, you can't grasp it, hold it into your hands. Understand this once and for all!

Love,
Ram

Fiinta umana si iubirea

Dificultatile pe care le intalnesti sunt intotdeauna cu tine insati, nu cu celalalt. Cand inveti asta, atunci orice relatie este in regula asa cum este.

Asa scriam in jurnal, anul trecut in septembrie.

Dificultatile pe care le-am avut in relatii au fost toate, pana la urma, cu mine insami. Nu cu incapatanarea lui, ci cu a mea. Cand am vrut sa pun o eticheta pe ceea ce se intampla intre noi, am privit cum s-a stins.

Viata are felul ei de a ma invata smerenia ori de cate ori o uit. Cel mai greu de acceptat pentru mine este faptul ca sunt fiinta umana supusa greselilor. Am limitele proprii si le ating prin relationare.

Un barbat cu care m-am intalnit vreme de 6 luni mi-a spus ca este un suflet slab. Poate ca asa este, pentru el... Pentru mine a fost o oglinda atat de clara, ca uneori mi-a fost greu sa ma uit in ea. Pentru ca imi vedeam limitarile. Stiu ca este in mine o parte spirituala, o cunosc si este capabila de iubire neconditionata. Nu ma indoiesc de asta. Dar cu acest om mi-am vazut cu claritate partea mea de fiinta umana. Si partea asta nu iubeste neconditionat. Are nevoie de iubire impartasita, nu se descurca cu neconditionarea. Cel putin acum stiu...

Inca ma mai pot rataci printre etichetari si nevoia de a sti, nevoia de siguranta. Si mai spun o data:

Nu merge asa! Nu exista siguranta care sa vina din exterior. Este o iluzie. Este ca si cu aerul: il poti respira, dar nu-l poti atinge, nu-l poti prinde, nu-l poti tine in maini. Intelege asta o data pentru totdeauna!

Din inima,
Ram

My first kiss

2010-07-09T15:32:00.002+03:00

September 7th, 1993.

It was happening in another millennium, in another life. Still mine, for sure. It was happening after making sure that He truly loves me and he's not one of those who just want to use me - well, yeah, education...

After one year without talking to each other and just sharing glances, I put him through the 'big test'. Meaning I let him cry for 3 days, thinking that I have leukemia and I was going to die. Where was my head when inventing this kind of 'test'? Well, simply it wasn't. What has the head to do with the first love, with that adolescents to be love, with the first butterflies flying inside the belly and refusing to go, no matter what? Right. Nothing... So, after 3 days I was convinced that yes, I'm the love of his life and I gave him the good news about the 'mistaken' medical tests and about my health situation: the only 'danger' to my health was the love for him.

Tears of joy. Joy of getting together, of reconciliation, of the love that obviously now it was flowering in both our hearts and for sure that it was going to remain there at least for ever. I knew among the tears and joy and promises that were pouring between us that yes, the time had come for my first kiss to happen. And, while happily walking hand in hand towards home, he took me in his arms, lifting me up, and He kissed me. The earth surely stopped, the stars suddenly were brighter and the time... the time didn't exist for a few moments.

This is how my first kiss was. The He gently left me with my feet on the ground again. There are no words to describe the happiness uniting us then.

September 7th, 1993. I was 13 and he was 14.

The next year passed with us being together, with dating in front of the house, with other kisses, with walking hand in hand, with the first fight and the first coming back together along the renewed promises, with the nights I was falling asleep with his face on my mind just to wake up the next morning seeing the same face... With first jealousy scene and the first sensation that I need space and freedom in love... With other coming backs together and other promises renewed. With the believe that the world is spinning around for us and that obviously 'always' is the time we're going to be together. With everything that adds magic and flavor to the first adolescenthood love.

That 'always' lasted for 1 year. After that, we remained friends and each one went on with following its own path in life.

The time came for him to carry my child in his arms, then for me to go at his wedding. There are 8 years since his wedding? I don't remember exactly, but we didn't see and didn't speak to each other since then. I knew he was going to leave the country with his newly wife and I kept in my heart his image happy as he was at his wedding. Since then, I saw him only when he was visiting me in my dreams, every time going back to where we grew up together, to talk, at least in the land of dreams, about what was happening in our lives.

A few days ago I dreamed him again. I was going to his parents home to asked them how is He, how is life treating him these days. In the dream, instead of his parents opening the door it was He, himself. He told me that he divorced, we hugged and we just simply were back together. I woke up from this dream decided to go to his parents next time I'll visit the town I grew up in and find out for real what is happening with him.

But first I searched him on facebook. And I found him. Later that evening we were talking this time for real, and he was telling me that yes, he is divorcing, yes, he also thought of me, yes, the most beautiful love was then, when we were kids-to-adolescents.

I'm living now, same as then, 17 years ago, the joy of reconnecting, the joy of this love that was silently there in my heart and refused to just fade away.

In the meantime, I've learned not to make plans, not to ask what and how will be, if it will be. And I've learned to simply enjoy this present moment, without giving it a special meaning, to be grateful for the way life has its own wisdom in arranging things, people, events, love...

Love,
Ram

Primul meu sarut

7 septembrie 1993.

Se intampla intr-un alt mileniu, se intampla intr-o alta viata. Tot a mea, de buna seama. Se intampla dupa ce am avut grija sa ma asigur ca El ma iubeste cu adevarat si nu este unul dintr-aceia care doar vor sa se foloseasca de mine - deh, educatia...

Dupa un an in care nu ne-am vorbit ci doar ne-am urmarit cu privirile, l-am supus marelui test. Adica l-am lasat sa planga 3 zile crezand ca am leucemie si ca voi muri. Unde mi-a fost capul de am inventat asemenea 'test'? Pai simplu, nu mi-a fost. Ce are capul de-a face cu prima iubire, cu acea iubire de adolescenti in devenire, cu primii fluturi ce-si fac simtita prezenta in stomac si refuza sa plece, orice ai face? Exact. Nimic...
Asa ca, dupa 3 zile in care m-am convins ca da, sunt iubirea vietii lui, i-am dat vestea cea buna despre analizele 'gresite' si despre starea mea de sanatate: singurul 'pericol' ce-mi influenta sanatatea era iubirea pentru el.

Lacrimi de bucurie. De bucuria regasirii, a impacarii, a iubirii ce era clar de acum ca inflorea in inimile amandorura si cu siguranta avea sa fie acolo cel putin pentru totdeauna. Am stiut printre lacrimile si bucuria si promisiunile ce curgeau atunci ca da, a venit momentul pentru primul meu sarut. Si, in timp ce mergeam fericiti catre casa, ne-am oprit, m-a ridicat in brate, si asa, cu picioarele in aer, la El in brate, m-a sarutat. Pamantul cu siguranta s-a oprit, stelele au inceput dintr-o data sa straluceasca mai tare, iar timpul... timpul n-a mai existat vreme de ceva minute.

Asa a fost primul meu sarut. Apoi El m-a lasat bland cu picioarele pe pamant. Si nu sunt cuvinte sa descriu fericirea ce ne unea atunci.

7 septembrie 1993. Aveam 13 ani iar el 14.

Urmatorul an a curs fiind impreuna, cu intalniri in fata blocului, cu alte sarutari, cu plimbari de mana, cu prima cearta de indragostiti, cu prima impacare insotita de promisiuni reinnoite, cu serile in care adormeam cu imaginea lui in minte doar pentru a ma trezi dimineata cu aceeasi imagine... Cu prima scena de gelozie si cu prima senzatie ca am nevoie de spatiu si de libertate atunci cand iubesc... Cu alte impacari si alte promisiuni. Cu convingerea ca lumea se invarte pentru noi si ca, de buna seama, 'mereu' este perioada in care vom fi impreuna. Cu tot ce da farmec si aroma primei iubiri de adolescenti.

Acel 'mereu' a durat 1 an. Dupa care am ramas prieteni si fiecare a mers in propria directie mai departe in viata.

A venit vremea cand el mi-a tinut copila in brate, iar eu am fost la nunta lui. Sa fie 8 ani de atunci? Nici nu mai stiu exact, dar de la nunta lui nu ne-am mai vazut si nici nu am mai vorbit. Stiam ca urma sa plece din Romania cu sotia lui si am pastrat in inima imaginea lui asa fericit cum era la nunta. L-am mai vazut doar cand imi aparea in vis, de fiecare data acolo unde am crescut impreuna, reintorcandu-ne sa povestim, macar in vis, ce se mai intampla in vietile noastre.

Acum cateva zile l-am visat iar. Acasa la parintii lui unde ma dusesem sa-i intreb ce mai face El, cum e viata lui. In vis, in loc sa-mi deschida parintii lui, mi-a deschis chiar El. Mi-a spus ca a divortat, ne-am luat in brate si pur si simplu am fost iar impreuna. M-am trezit hotarata sa merg la parintii lui, sa aflu intr-adevar ce mai face.

L-am cautat intai pe facebook. L-am gasit. Seara vorbeam si imi povestea, de data asta real, ca da, divorteaza, ca da, si el s-a gandit la mine, ca da, cea mai frumoasa iubire a fost cea traita atunci, cand eram copii-adolescenti.

Traiesc iar, ca si atunci, cu 17 ani in urma, bucuria regasirii, bucuria unei iubiri care a stat acolo cuminte in inima mea si a refuzat sa dispara.

Intre timp, am invatat sa nu mai fac planuri, sa nu ma mai intreb ce si cum va fi, de va fi. Si am mai invatat sa ma bucur pur si simplu de acest moment prezent, fara a-i da o semnificatie anume, sa fiu recunoscatoare pentru felul in care viata are propria intelepciune in a aranja lucrurile, oamenii, evenimentele, iubirile...

Din inima,
Ram

Cut the crap now.

2010-07-02T15:57:00.002+03:00

We people are amazing beings.

We fight on nothing and we complicate our existence just to have something to do. We steal other people's lives, we strive to be 'someone' and we forget to be ourselves.

We fall in love with the 'wrong person' and we don't have the courage to find out what love really is.

We go deeper into dramas but we run away when going deeper into our own hearts. We develop the best strategies for escaping and we lose ourselves in other people's happenings; when we 'accidentally' find a mirror we instantly get tired and a sudden desire to sleep arises.

We are the best in finding excuses and we take our master degree in blaming others, or life, or society, or odds, or past lives, or curses, or the system, the competitors, the dark forces, the politics, the weather, the teachers, the moon and all the planets, and of course, mother and father, God, the Universe, destiny, faith and the list can continue cause we are so creative in generating it, aren't we?

We get to be experts in pretending to be someone else and we wonder why God, if he's such a good fellow, doesn't reveal to us in an instant the truth and the greatness of who we really are.

All these and more work just damn fine until one day.

One day we say to ourselves Ok. Cut the crap now.

One day when we get dizzy of so much running around in circles. We get sick and tired of this entire masquerade.

One day when the pain of not accepting who we are, as we are, grows too big to be bearable any longer. The day when we realize that the price we pay for lying and pretending is, in fact, our own lives.

A day when we stop whining about it and start changing it, whatever this 'it' is. We take responsibility of our own existence, say No to bulshit and Yes to ourselves. The day when compromising and raping our inner truth is no longer an option.

The day when we have the strength and the presence to look straight into someone's eyes and say 'This is who I am. You're welcome to join me for a while if you like it. If you don't like it, then so long my friend and thank you for passing by!'

The day when we realize that we are indeed Gods, but each one is God in his own life not in someone else's life.

The day when we stop pretending and start living. When instead of complaining about the poverty of our reality, we start expanding it by enriching it with new choices.

And this day comes for all of us. Sooner or later, easier or harder, it comes for each one of us. With no exception.

So, when is it going to be for you?

Love,
Ram

The Beloved said

2010-06-27T23:19:00.002+03:00

In the sea of life
You're swimming in front of my eyes

Where do you want to go?
The sea is here
Life is here
I am here

There's nowhere to go
There's now here to be

Love,
Ram

The deepest, fullest, richest, most beautiful and fulfilled relationship from this life

2010-06-27T13:00:00.002+03:00

The name you receive is Deva Priya, The Beloved of the Existence. This means of course you'll act like one...

These were the words I've been told when I received the sannyas name.

It's been one year since then and the energy of this name slowly began to manifest in my life. I started to feel Existence as the force surrounding me, supporting me, guiding me, inspiring me, teaching me, loving me...

I clearly felt I don't belong to a certain place so I can actually be anywhere. I belong to Existence and nature is where I feel at Home.

For the first time, I committed full hearted in being the Beloved. Not the friend, the buddy, the supporter, the carrier, but the Beloved.

I started to love life to its fullest. And life immediately responded me back, mirroring me the same.

After one year of consciously wearing this name, I love and I feel loved being present in the deepest, fullest, richest, most beautiful and fulfilled relationship from this life: the one with Existence!

Thank you from my open flowering loving heart!

Love,
Priya

Relatia cea mai profunda, mai deplina, mai bogata, mai frumoasa si implinitoare din aceasta viata

Numele pe care il primesti este Deva Priya, Iubita Existentei. Asta inseamna bineinteles sa te si porti asa...

Acestea au fost cuvintele care mi-au fost spuse cand am primit numele de sannyas.

A trecut un an de atunci si energia acestui nume a inceput sa se manifeste in viata mea. Am inceput sa simt Existenta ca fiind forta ce ma inconjoara, ma sprijina, ma ghideaza, ma inspira, ma invata, ma iubeste...

Am simtit clar ca nu apartin unui loc anume si ca pot fi oriunde. Pentru ca apartin Existentei si Natura este locul in care ma simt Acasa.

Pentru prima data, m-am implicat cu toata inima in a fi Iubita. Nu prietena, camarada, cea care sprijina, cea care poarta, ci Iubita.

Am inceput sa iubesc viata in intregul ei. Iar viata mi-a raspuns imediat, oglindindu-mi iubirea inapoi.

Dupa un an in care port constient acest nume, iubesc si ma simt iubita fiind prezenta in relatia cea mai profunda, mai deplina, mai bogata, mai frumoasa si implinitoare din aceasta viata: relatia cu Existenta!

Iti multumesc cu inima deschisa, infloritoare si iubitoare!

Din inima,
Priya

This I won't do for you

2010-06-25T23:58:00.001+03:00

I won't tell you I love you.
In silence, your heart will hear.

I won't show you your inner light.
In the dark, you will see it.

I won't say you're right or wrong.
You're just on the path to yourself.

I won't stay and I won't leave.

Love,
Ram

What is selfishness? I wonder.

2010-06-24T16:07:00.003+03:00

There's something flowing around my mind now and it's about selfishness in a relationship. Any kind of relationship.

Along the while, I've been told that using someone for your own good is selfish. And I believed it, until I learned about being responsible of your own life and that no one can use no one without his/her co-operation. If I feel I'm being used, it is so because I let it be. Then again, this is possible only when we do something cause we 'have to', most probably waiting for something in return, waiting for our turn to use the other. When that something doesn't show up and our turn doesn't come, we feel that it's not fair and that we've been used. Well, was it fair in the first place?? I wonder...

I also borrowed the thought that If you don't give, you're selfish. And if you receive, you're selfish as well. So it's always give, never receive. Until I learned that giving and receiving are indeed the same. That if I'm not receiving, in fact I'm not giving someone else the chance to also give, and that's selfish too. That only when you know the value of receiving, you know the real value of giving. And then, giving becomes a spontaneous act of generosity, not a bribe...

There's of course the famous When you think at yourself and you put yourself in the first place, that's selfishness. I believed this until... I've found myself. Cause really, how can you support someone if you never support yourself? If you don't know who you are? Or where you are? Who is the one supporting? No one, actually...

Then I thought that sharing with someone only the sad moments, the 'problems', the difficult times or the down moments and forgetting about the same someone when living times of happiness and moments of joy is selfish attitude. But then again, everyone has the right to choose who's sharing to and what.
The question that still remains here for me is... If you give someone the chance to support you in rough times, why would you take, to the same someone, the chance to rejoice for your moments of joy, to be happy for your happiness?

So... What is selfishness after all?

Love,
Ram

Moon talk

2010-06-21T00:30:00.002+03:00

The moon is rising. Again. And again I find myself here, hearing the little voice inside softly telling me...

Hey, you've been caught in 'doing' lately. So much 'doing'. Stop. Breathe. Be. Listen to the trees, listen to the grass, listen the silence... Breathe with me for a while. Just breathe deeply.

So I stop. And breathe. Deeply. In silence. It's a coming home. No more thoughts running around like crazy, no worries, no questions. Inside, in that inner space, in my center, inside my heart, there is silence and peace. It's amazing how it comes to the surface. All it needs is a breath in deep enough to touch it and then, with the breathing out, it spreads to my whole being. And I feel whole again.

The moon, mysterious and silent, touches my heart with a smile. Heart smiles back :) And there's a thought coming in quickly, that she's just half now, she's not whole yet.

Gently, she says...

Though you see me as a half now, remember... I am always whole! Even when the sun is shining only on a part of me... I am still whole.

Thanking her for her kindness and for her answer, I promise myself that next time when I'll think of someone he's just half now, I'll remember that it is just the way I see him, not the way he really is.

It might be that sometimes we are showing only a part of us, but in fact, we are always whole!

Love,
Ram

De vorba cu Luna

Creste luna. Iar. Si iar ma gasesc aici, auzind vocea aceea delicata soptindu-mi usor...

Hei, ai tot 'facut' in ultima vreme. Atat de multe de 'facut'. Opreste-te. Respira. Fii. Asculta copacii, asculta iarba, asculta linistea... Respira cu mine pentru o vreme. Doar respira adanc.

Asa ca ma opresc. Si respir. Adanc. In liniste. E ca o venire acasa. Fara ganduri care alearga ca nebunele, fara griji, fara intrebari. Inauntru, in acel spatiu interior, in centrul meu, in inima, este liniste si pace. E uimitor cum iese la suprafata. Tot ce are nevoie este o inspiratie destul de adanca incat sa atinga acest spatiu, iar apoi, odata cu expiratia, se raspandeste peste tot. Si ma simt intreaga iar.

Luna, misterioasa si tacuta, imi atinge inima cu un zambet. Inima-i zambeste si ea :) Si apare un gand, rapid, ca este doar jumatate acum, nu-i intreaga inca.

Bland, imi spune...

Cu toate ca ma vezi ca pe o jumatate acum, aminteste-ti... sunt intotdeauna intreaga! Chiar si cand soarele imi lumineaza doar o parte din mine... tot intreaga sunt.

Ii multumesc pentru bunatate si pentru raspuns si imi promit ca, data viitoare cand voi gandi despre cineva ca este doar jumatate acum, o sa-mi amintesc ca este doar felul in care eu il vad, nu felul in care este in realitate.

Poate ca, uneori, ne aratam doar o parte din noi, dar de fapt, suntem intotdeauna intregi!

Din inima,
Ram

Thank you letter

2010-06-14T15:20:00.001+03:00

I started to write because it was overflowing. Because I broke the wall of illusions around my heart and so I started to listen to her. I started to hear her whispers, her tales, her longings and joys.

I started to write simply because it pours out of my fingers. Because in this world we are mirrors for each other. Because what my heart heals, your heart heals too. Because I believe in the value of sharing. And giving.

What am I sharing here? Thoughts and sensations and sentiments. My ups and downs, my depths and highs. My longings and understandings and questions that come, stay and then go. Makings and unbindings, confusions and clarities, the wanders of my soul and its returnings Home. Poems, tales and words on life.

If you read this, thank you. If you don't, thank you still. If you share what you feel, I'm honored. If you don't, I respect your silence. I believe nothing in this life is simply randomly... Neither that I'm writing now, nor that you're reading now, neither you'll keep your thoughts unwritten, nor if you'll lay them here.

With love,
Ram

Scrisoare de multumire

Am inceput sa scriu pentru ca dadea pe afara. Pentru ca mi-am frant zidul de iluzii ce-mi inconjura inima si asa am ajuns sa o ascult. Asa am inceput sa-i ascult soaptele, povestile, dorurile si bucuriile.

Am inceput sa scriu pur si simplu pentru ca imi curge prin degete. Pentru ca suntem in lumea asta oglinzi unul pentru celalalt. Pentru ca ceea ce vindeca inima mea, vindeca si a ta. Pentru ca eu cred in valoarea impartasirii. Si a daruirii.

Ce impartasesc aici? Ganduri si senzatii si sentimente. Susurile si josurile mele, profunzimile si inaltimile. Dorurile si intelegirele si intrebarile ce ma trec si ma petrec. Faceri si desfaceri, confuzii si claritati, hoinareli ale sufletului si intoarcerile Acasa. Poezii, povesti si vorbe despre viata.

De citesti, iti multumesc. De nu citesti, eu tot iti multumesc. De-mi impartasesti ce simti, sunt onorata. De nu-mi impartasesti, iti respect tacerea. Dar cred ca nimic din lumea asta nu este pur si simplu intamplator... Nici ca eu scriu acum, nici ca tu citesti acum, nici de-ti vei pastra gandurile nescrise, nici de le vei asterne aici.

Din inima,
Ram

Cosmic play

2010-05-28T02:00:00.004+03:00

There are moments when the only certitude is... the incertitude.When I feel that nothing that used to be valid exist and nothing new is yet formed. As if I'd be in a transition space, where what was is no more and what could be is not yet.

There are moments when I feel is not me who's living this life, but rather life is living me. Moments when I just observe. I observe everything that happens in my life, inside me, around me, inside others, in between.

There are moments when I feel like a sphere. A sphere where a whole Universe is being in an infinity of ways, all in the same time. And in this sphere, I am like a Queen.

I know that everything that is here follows my intention. I know that everything here is created by me. I don't yet realize how this is functioning, watching from here, from the outside, to all this scene with the sphere and the queen...

I don't yet realize what is the secret, how come that all exists in the same time, all from the Queen's intention.

What secret? The Queen smiles and opens her arms, only to reveal another whole Universe forming, continuously moving, continuously being born inside her heart, gate to beyond her, gate to infinity.

It looks exactly as a fractal, I observe myself catching a thought.

There are moments, just like this one now, when I feel I am the Queen. And the sphere is my life. Moments when I see somehow that everything is created through my intention, from an inner game. I realize how everything inside this sphere which is my life is created through my decision. I hold the responsibility, as I'm the Queen, ain't I?

And I'm asking myself if perhaps God is the same. Having his sphere where he decides, chooses, intends, watches, observes, playing of everything, all at once. Knowing that, after all, he holds the responsibility for his creation.

I wonder what would happen if God and the Queen would turn one to another and would look eye to eye, heart to heart, perfectly aligned one facing the other?

I'm watching curious what is happening, while they get closer, they turn to each other, they align them selves face to face, eye to eye, heart to heart... they reach out their hands to touch and...

It broke.

It was just a Mirror...

And Now... Now is silence. Silence and... Nothing.

As I would have watched a cosmic play on the Universe's scene.

Who is the Queen? Who is God?

Who is the Mirror?

I'm smiling...

Love,
Ram

Joc cosmic

Sunt momente in care singura certitudine este… incertitudinea. In care simt ca nimic din ce era valabil nu mai exista si inca nu e nimic nou format. Ca si cum as fi intr-un spatiu de tranzitie, iar ce a fost nu mai este si inca nu e altceva nou.

Sunt momente in care simt ca nu eu traiesc viata asta, ci ea ma traieste pe mine. Momente in care observ. Observ tot ce se petrece in viata mea, in mine, in jur, in ceilalti, intre noi.

Sunt momente in care ma simt ca o sfera. O sfera in care un intreg univers fiinteaza intr-o infinitate de feluri, toate in acelasi timp. Iar in sfera aceasta, sunt ca o Regina.

Stiu ca tot ce este aici imi urmeaza intentia. Stiu ca tot ce este aici, e creat de mine. Inca nu imi dau seama foarte bine cum functioneaza, de aici de pe margine de unde privesc toata scena asta cu sfera si cu regina…

Inca nu imi dau seama care este secretul, cum de toate exista in acelasi timp, toate din intentia Reginei.

Care secret? Zambeste Regina si isi deschide bratele doar pentru a dezvalui un alt intreg univers in formare, continuu miscandu-se, continuu nascandu-se in inima ei, poarta catre dincolo de ea, poarta catre infinit.

Arata exact ca un fractal, ma observ surprinzand un gand.

Sunt momente, ca acesta de acum, in care ma simt Regina. Iar sfera este viata mea. Momente in care surprind cumva, cum totul este creat din intentia mea, dintr-un joc interior. Realizez cum tot ce este in aceasta sfera de e viata mea este creat prin decizia mea. Responsabilitatea e la mine. Doar sunt Regina.

Si ma intreb, daca nu cumva Dumnezeu e si el la fel. Cu sfera lui in care decide, alege, intentioneaza, urmareste, observa, se joaca de-a diversele, toate in acelasi timp. Stiind ca, pana la urma, responsabilitatea pentru ce creeaza e a lui.

Oare ce s-ar intampla daca Regina si Dumnezeu s-ar intoarce unul catre celalalt si s-ar privi ochi in ochi, inima in inima, perfect aliniati unul in fata celuilalt?

Urmaresc curioasa ce se intampla, pe masura ce ei se apropie, se intorc unul catre celalalt, se aliniaza fata in fata, ochi in ochi, inima in inima… intind mainile sa se atinga si…

S-a spart.

Era doar o Oglinda…

Iar Acum… Acum e liniste. Liniste si… Nimic.

Ca si cum as fi privit o piesa de teatru cosmic pe scena Universului.

Cine-i Regina? Cine-i Dumnezeu?

Cine-i Oglinda?

Zambesc…

Din inima,
Ram

The gifts of dating

2010-05-25T12:43:00.003+03:00

Being in a relationship used to mean for me that I have to do something, to give some input/effort to make it work.

Until I felt it's time to change this way of relating and I said 'Let's date. No more relationship. For me, now it's time to date.'

So I am. Dating that is. And here's what I'm practicing since 6 months of dating:

being in the moment
breathing (like a lot of it, deep and conscious)
keeping awareness alive
loving and flowering
womanness
being alert and relaxed in the same time
softness and gentleness
always coming back to myself
going deeper into myself
having fun and adventure
saying Yes
love and freedom
being crazy and centered in the same time (that's kind of acrobacy)
remaining present, knowing that is nothing but a dream of monkeys
listening
being generous and happy instead of being right (Iihuu!)
giving and receiving (with emphasis on receiving, cause that was almost impossible for me)
smiling instead of advising (coming from a 'save the world' woman... that's big)
futureless love (this is a new concept)
being cool with coming contradictions (beginner's level, cause I still need to understand... for few minutes, and then I let it be)
allowing
taking it nice and easy
seeing things with new and new eyes (which causes spontaneous laughing, 'out of the blue')

As long as I learn and grow from this dating experience, I guess it's a good one for me. It took away the heaviness of a 'serious relationship' and it brought me lightness, unpredictable, relaxation and authenticity in ongoing relating.

Does this means love is not here? Not at all, my dear, not at all...

Love,
Ram

I choose Love

2010-05-12T23:03:00.004+03:00

More and more often I choose to love. Where other times I would have judged, I would have commented, I would have raised my eyebrow in a question mark, now I choose to love.

Instead of seeing defects in other people, I choose to love them. Instead of blaming, I choose to love.

Instead of giving advices to friends, I choose to love them. I know now they don’t need advices. They’re doing just great :)

Yesterday I received an email that in my past would have been a reason for me to find at least one thousand different ways in which I would have proceeded and, of course, one thousand of critics. Instead of that, I chose to love. And to laugh. Pealing. With tears of laughter. I laughed with someone else and I laughed all by myself. Better said, it was not me who started to laugh, it was laughter that started me. And it kept me for a few hours. I know now it wouldn’t have been possible if it wasn't for love. Without love, it wouldn’t have been possible to not judge, to not criticize. I instantly chose to love, as if other choice didn’t even exist.

And this was possible because, one day, a while ago, when I was in the middle of one of my biggest lost from this life, I chose to love myself. I chose Love.

And, ever since, it's like a play: when I choose Love, Love chooses me back. Every time. With no exceptions.

Love,
Ram

Aleg Iubirea

Din ce in ce mai des aleg sa iubesc. Acolo unde alta data as fi judecat, as fi comentat, as fi ridicat din spranceana intrebator, acum aleg sa iubesc.

Pe acei oameni carora le-as fi vazut defecte, acum aleg sa ii iubesc. In loc sa impart vinovatii, aleg sa iubesc.

Aleg sa iubesc prietenii aflati in situatii in care as fi dat sfaturi. Stiu acum ca n-au nevoie de sfaturi. Se descurca ei de minune :)

Ieri am primit un mesaj al carui continut m-ar fi aruncat alta data in a gasi cel putin o mie de moduri diferite in care eu as fi facut si cel putin o mie de critici. Am ales in schimb sa iubesc. Si sa rad. In hohote. Cu lacrimi. Am ras impreuna cu, am ras si singura. Cateva ore. Practic, nu eu am inceput sa rad, mai degraba rasul m-a inceput pe mine si m-a cuprins cu o pofta nebuna. Stiu acum ca nu ar fi fost posibil, fara sa iubesc. Fara sa iubesc, nu ar fi fost posibil sa nu judec, sa nu critic. Am ales instantaneu sa iubesc, ca si cand alta alegere nici macar nu ar fi existat.

Iar asta a fost posibil pentru ca, la un moment dat, traind una din cele mai mari pierderi din viata asta, am ales sa ma iubesc. Am ales Iubirea.

Si, de atunci, e ca un joc: cand eu aleg Iubirea, Iubirea ma alege inapoi. De fiecare data. Fara exceptie.

Din inima,
Ram

As it is

2010-05-01T07:27:00.001+03:00

Your eyes have met my eyes
Now they can't see otherwise

I've learned to be a woman
Now I can't be otherwise

I've opened this heart and let love in
Now it can't feel otherwise

My heart has touched your heart
Now they can't live otherwise

Everything is as it is
As now it can't be otherwise.

Love,
Ram

The secret of Life... in my life

2010-04-25T23:14:00.004+03:00

Many years of this life, I lived in a body of a beautiful woman without knowing it. Without accepting that I am woman. Ignoring my body, denying my femininity. Always wishing to be thinner, taller, more dark haired, more tanned, to have longer legs, smaller breasts, lips more outlined, more curved lashes, more beautiful knee, softer voice, graceful gestures, longer hair. Craving to be the woman with whom man wants to live his life. Dreaming to play the piano. Or at least the guitar. Wanting to paint. To play theater. Longing to receive love. To be admired. Accepted.

I lived among the tirelessly and always present ‘Ifs’…

If I’d speak French so fluently as Georgiana…
If I’d have Ramona’s depth and sensibility…
If I’d had Raluca’s long legs and the perfect back of Roxana…
If I’d had my sister’s sound laugh, the playful look of Sorina and the simply perfect nails of Manuela…
If I’d had Găbiţa’s intelligence and distinction…
And, of course, if I’d knew to structure my speech using at least half of Valeria’s talent…
If I’d had Laura’s tenderness and beauty, Alina’s fire, Agatha’s glow…
If I’d had Mihaela’s delicacy and Monica’s femininity… Ah, and Cristina’s curly hair!
How would it be if I’d had the gentleness of that blond colleague that I once worked with?
It goes without saying that if I’d had Marina’s courage…
And if I’d be as companionable and pleasant as Minodora…
If I’d knew to play the piano as Dana’s daughter and if I’d knew to choose my clothes and purses as Ada…
I don’t even want to think about how it would be to leave worry free as Rodica or if I’d had Anca’s serenity!
Oh God! At least if I’d had my cousin’s charm… after all, we are in the family, can’t we just split it??

Until one day, two years ago, when a tiny little voice finally made itself heard:

And me? What about me? Where am I in all these? Who am I?

It was my heart… my heart, where it has always been love. My heart, who somehow knew to grow, to observe, to love, to cry, to laugh, to search, to give, to wait, to hope. My heart, who knew she’ll reach the wisdom when I will be found my inner strength. When I will be found that… I am Woman.

And this happened when I past beyond the belief that the heart, and only the heart, is the one that can create and I stopped ignoring that, in fact, creation takes place in the Woman’s womb.

The day I accepted that I am Woman was the day I discovered my womb. I understood that here, inside the woman's womb, resides the secret of life, that the miracle of life starts here.
I understood that inside the heart there is the light and inside the womb originates the woman’s wisdom.
I surprised myself finding that being in the space of my heart I cannot lie myself anymore and that inside the womb are answers to all my questions, just waiting to be picked up through the opening of the heart.
I released from my womb all the set-backs and regrets from past relationships. I released the past.
Letting the light from the heart to fill my womb, I was healing. Letting the energy from the womb to flow into my heart, I was flowering.

Accepting the light within, I stopped craving to be admired, accepted. Finding the love inside me, I stopped longing to receive it from outside. Seeing the inner beauty and richness of the Woman, I stopped wanting to fit into a beauty standard assessed by someone else’s rules. And, more than this, I stopped comparing…

I discovered the secret of living in the now.

I accepted that everything belongs to me and, by doing so, I found myself whole.

Love,
Ram

Taina Vieţii... în viaţa mea

Multi ani din viata asta, am trait intr-un corp de femeie frumoasa fara sa stiu. Fara sa accept ca sunt femeie. Ignorandu-mi corpul, negandu-mi feminitatea. Dorind mereu sa fiu mai slaba, mai inalta, mai bruneta, mai dreapta, mai bronzata, cu picioare mai lungi, sani mai mici, buze mai conturate, gene mai intoarse, genunchi mai frumosi, voce mai suava, gesturi mai gratioase, plete mai dese. Ravnind sa fiu femeia alaturi de care barbatul sa-si doreasca sa ramana. Visand sa cant la pian. Sau macar la chitara. Vrand sa pictez. Sa fac teatru. Tanjind sa primesc iubire. Sa fiu admirata. Acceptata.

Am trait intre neobositii si vesnic prezentii "Daca".

Daca as vorbi franceza asa fluent ca Georgiana...
Daca as avea profunzimea si sensibilitatea Ramonei...
Daca as avea picioarele interminabile ale Ralucai, spatele perfect al Roxanei...
Daca as avea rasul sonor al sora'mii, privirea jucausa a Sorinei si unghiile pur si simplu perfecte ale Manuelei...
Daca as avea inteligenta si rafinamentul Gabitei...
Si, desigur, daca as sti sa-mi structurez discursul folosind macar pe jumatate talentul Valeriei...
Daca as avea blandetea si frumusetea Laurei, focul Alinei, stralucirea Agathei...
Daca as avea finetea Mihaelei si feminitatea Monicai... Ah, si parul carliontat si bogat al Cristinei!
Cum ar fi daca as avea delicatetea acelei colege blondute cu care am lucrat odata?
E de la sine inteles ca daca as avea curajul Marinei...
Si daca as fi atat de sociabila si placuta ca Minodora...
Daca as sti sa cant la pian ca fiica Danei si daca as sti sa-mi aleg hainele si posetele ca Ada...
Nici nu vreau sa ma gandesc cum ar fi sa traiesc fara griji ca Rodica ori daca as avea seninatatea Ancai!
Of, Doamne! Macar de l-as avea pe "vino-ncoace" ca verisoara mea... ca doar suntem in familie, chiar nu se poate imparti??

Pana intr-o zi, acum vreo doi ani, cand un glascior firav s-a facut in sfarsit auzit:

Si eu? Eu unde mai sunt? Eu cine sunt?

Era inima mea… inima mea, unde mereu a fost iubire. Inima mea, care a stiut cumva sa creasca, sa observe, sa iubeasca, sa planga, sa rada, sa caute, sa daruiasca, sa astepte, sa spere. Inima mea, care a stiut ca va atinge intelepciunea atunci cand eu voi fi gasit puterea mea interioara. Cand eu voi fi aflat ca... sunt Femeie.

Si s-a intamplat cand am trecut dincolo de convingerea ca inima, si numai ea, este cea care poate crea si nu am mai ignorat ca, de fapt, creatia are loc in pantecele Femeii.

Ziua in care am acceptat ca sunt Femeie a fost ziua in care mi-am descoperit pantecele. Am inteles ca aici, in pantece, se afla secretul vietii, ca minunea vietii ia nastere aici.
Am inteles ca in inima este lumina, iar in pantece isi are originea intelepciunea femeii.
M-am surprins afland ca in inima nu ma mai pot minti si ca in pantece sunt raspunsuri la toate intrebarile mele, asteptand doar sa fie culese prin deschiderea inimii.
Am eliberat din pantece toate nereusitele si regretele din relatiile avute. Am eliberat trecutul.
Lasand lumina din inima sa-mi umple pantecele, am vindecat. Lasand energia din pantece sa curga in inima, am inflorit.

Acceptand lumina din mine, nu am mai tanjit sa fiu admirata, acceptata. Descoperind iubirea din mine, nu am mai tanjit sa o primesc din exterior.Vazand frumusetea si bogatia interioara a Femeii, nu mi-am mai dorit sa ma incadrez intr-un sablon de frumusete impus de regulile altcuiva. Si mai ales, nu am mai facut comparatii...

Am aflat taina trairii in prezent.

Am acceptat ca toate fac parte din mine si, astfel, m-am regasit in totalitate.

Din inima,
Ram

Metamorphose

2010-04-24T00:26:00.002+03:00

In the silence of my heart… I hear your whisper…

In the rhythm of my breath… I sense your fragrance…

Your hands has become the sun rays melting this human flesh

and your breath is the breeze... so softly caressing my skin…

In the passion of my dance… I feel your aliveness…

In the celebration of love… I hear your laughter…

From this carnival of flowers your eyes are watching me

and your fingers turned into grass... so gently touching my feet…

You're nowhere

And yet, I'm finding you, again and again, in my inner temple of love

You're everywhere

And I...

I am Here

Love,

Ram

Come...

2010-04-18T02:02:00.003+03:00

Come, darling
We'll plant the seeds of love in our garden

Come, dear
We'll dance the music of love among the stars

Come, sweetheart
We'll whisper words of love in the darkness of the night

Come, love
We'll laugh joyfully playing sacred games of love under the moonlight

Come, Beloved
When the seeds would have already turned into most beautiful flowers...
intoxicating us with their fragrance
nourishing our hearts with their nectar

Come, Beloved
Come...
and we'll merge as One into the infinity of Love

Love,
Ram

Prayer

2010-04-16T17:54:00.002+03:00

I'm asking Fire
Please, come and transform through me

I'm asking Water
Please, come and heal through me

I'm asking Earth
Please, come and nourish through me

I'm asking Air
Please, come and breathe through me

And I'm asking Love...
Please, come and love through me
Make your home from my cells
Take this body and live through it
Take this voice and speak through it
Take these eyes and see through them
Take these hands and touch through them
Open this heart and flow through it
so that it too can do your work

Love,

Ram

Ruga

Ii cer Focului
Te rog, vino si transforma prin mine

Ii cer Apei
Te rog, vino si vindeca prin mine

Ii cer Pamantului
Te rog, vino si hraneste prin mine

Ii cer Aerului
Te rog, vino si respira prin mine

Si ii cer Iubirii...
Te rog, vino si iubeste prin mine
Fa-ti casa in celulele mele
Ia corpul cesta si traieste prin el
Ia-mi vocea si graieste prin ea
Ia-mi ochii si priveste prin ei
Ia-mi mainile si atinge prin ele
Deschide inima ceasta si curgi prin ea
ca si ea sa-ti poata face lucrarea

Din inima,
Ram

lovehate

2010-04-14T11:12:00.003+03:00

I don't remember now who said it and exactly how, but this is the idea of it.

Look careful at what you hate and you'll discover that in fact you hate what you once loved.

Words of wisdom that I hold dearly in my heart.

I love something about you and in the very moment I feel it most intense, I remember that one day I might hate the same something, with the same intensity I love now. And it keeps me grounded, connected with Here and Now, aware that 'happily ever after' is a concept I once read in a fairytale.

I hate something about you and in the very moment I feel it most intense, I remember that once I used to love the same something, with the same intensity I hate now. And it softens me, reconnecting myself with my heart, with Here and Now, aware that inside the heart there is space for everything.

Osho said it should be one word: lovehate. Maybe if it would be like this, maybe if it would be lovehate instead of love and hate, we would know that the easiest people to hate are the ones that we love most.

We would know that love has in it the seed of hate as well as hate has in it the seed of love.

Then we wouldn't be surprised asking 'How did this happen?' because we would know that love and hate come together as lovehate. As day and night come together and no one asks 'How did this happen?' when night comes...

Love,
Ram

iubireura

Nu-mi amintesc acum cine a spus-o si exact in ce forma, dar ideea este

Priveste cu atentie si vei descoperi ca, de fapt, ceea ce urasti acum este ceea ce, candva, ai iubit.

Cuvinte intelepte, pe care le pastrez in inima.

Iubesc ceva la tine si, in momentul in care simt cu cea mai mare intensitate, imi amintesc ca, intr-o buna zi, s-ar putea sa urasc acelasi ceva, cu aceeasi intensitate cu care acum iubesc. Ma ajuta sa raman cu picioarele pe pamant, conectata cu Aici si Acum, constienta ca 'fericiti pana la adanci batraneti' este un concept pe care l-am citit odata intr-o poveste.

Urasc ceva la tine si, in momentul in care simt cu cea mai mare intensitate, imi amintesc ca, odata, iubeam acelasi ceva, cu aceeasi intensitate cu care acum urasc. Ma domoleste, reconectandu-ma cu inima mea, cu Aici si Acum, constienta ca in inima este spatiu pentru tot si toate.

Osho spunea ca ar trebui sa fie un singur cuvant: iubireura. Poate ca daca ar fi asa, poate ca daca ar fi iubireura in loc de iubire si ura, am sti ca cel mai usor de urat oameni sunt cei pe care ii iubim cel mai mult.

Am sti ca iubirea poarta in ea samanta urii la fel cum ura poarta n ea samanta iubirii.

Si nu am mai fi surprinsi, intreband 'Cum de s-a intamplat asa ceva?' pentru ca am sti ca iubirea si ura vin impreuna ca iubireura. Asa cum ziua si noaptea vin impreuna si nimeni nu intreaba 'Cum de s-a intamplat asa ceva?' cand vine noaptea...

Din inima,
Ram

drops of memories

2010-04-13T02:22:00.007+03:00

'Rama, go inside!'

That's the voice of my grandmother calling me to stop playing and come inside the house. I'm a 4 years old girl, not too talkative with people, fascinated instead by the sky and the stars, by the flowers in the garden, by the trees outside, on the alley where time passes by me, a me not really aware that time actually exist and it's measurable. Maybe this is why she called me 'the dumb'.

Every time I hear her calling me Rama I'm confused...

It took me some time to get used with the fact that they call me Ramona, now Rama? Not to say that Rama is the name of a margarine... How can she call me as a margarine when I'm definitely NOT a margarine?

And, as if this is not enough, she's calling me 'the dumb'... which makes me even more confused. If I can understand, with my 4 years old understanding, that Rama comes from Ramona, for sure I can't understand this 'dumb' thing.

I'm talking all the time, can't you hear? Yesterday, for example, I talked with the pink flowers out in the garden, just in front of the kitchen window. They grew and now they are big girls. Very beautiful, showing themselves with no shame. I was curious how did they do this, so I asked...

How did you flower?

It's in my nature, the pink flowers said.

I admit, I don't really figure this out... I though You are nature... You mean nature has a nature?

And then, I talk every day with the leafs from the trees near by the alley. I'm curious about them too...

Who gave you the name 'leaf'? Why do you grow? So many of you for just one single tree! I will cut into small pieces some of you, so the dogs can feed themselves. I definitely believe dogs will come and eat leafs. I can't eat meat, although they force me to, so I'm taking care that the dogs have decent meal if they don't want meat too.

And each one of the leafs has its own story... The leaf story! And they are quite friendly, you know? Have you ever listen to them?

Then, there are the stars! I'm telling them that one day, when I'll be a grown up as this is what I understood it will happen, I'll be an astronaut and I'll go all the way to meet them! Because, of course, I'm very, very curious about them too... I'm surprised when the grown-ups laugh at me every time I'm asking about all the names of all the stars. If you want to know them, it's obvious you're starting with the name, isn't it? This is how it happens... Hi, the name they call me is Ramona. Sometimes Rama, that's a shortcut. Other times 'the dumb', but as you see I'm quite curious and I ask lots of questions! How do they name you? One day, we'll shine together, cause I will come to you!

Rama, go inside!

I keep on hearing her voice...

There's this story they keep on telling me, that they are my parents, I am their child. THEIRS. But I know this is not true, it's just a story they want me to believe. I don't understand why they keep the secret of who I really am. One day, I'm telling them that I believe they are not my parents, so they better tell me honestly who am I. Mother is very upset, father is very sad, grandmother is quite angry. It's clear now, in fact, they don't remember who they really are. This is why they're upset and sad and angry. Helpless.

So I look in the mirror, touching my face, trying so hard to figure it out Who am I and how do I really look? I'm convinced that what I see in the mirror is not my real face. Anyway, they say all the time that I have mother's eyes, father's hair... I'm convinced that, underneath this skin hides the real look. If I can just find it at once!

Then I get used with this reflection in the mirror.

And I get used to go inside. I grow up, going inside.

I'm still doing this. Only that now, I go inside myself. I go in the room of my soul. I go in the space of my heart.

And I still talk with flowers and with stars. I still hug trees and carres flowers. I don't believe anymore that dogs eat leafs though...

Maybe talking to the flowers and to the trees and to the stars is how I learned to listen. They were always there, listening to me. Even when I was saying nothing, they were listening to my silence. Listening to their silence too.

Maybe this is how I learned to listen to the silence within me. Maybe this is how I learned to listen to your silence too. Who knows? It's not actually any difference...

It's just... Silence.

Love,
Ram

frânturi de amintiri

'Rama, treci înăntru!'

Asta este vocea bunicii mele, care mă cheamă să las joaca şi să intru în casă. Sunt o fetiţă de 4 ani, nu prea vorbăreaţă cu oamenii, fascinată în schimb de cer şi de stele, de florile din grădină, de copacii de la marginea aleii pe care timpul trece pe lângă mine, un mine care nu-şi dă seama că timpul chiar există şi că e măsurabil. Poate că de asta îmi spune 'muta'.

De fiecare dată când o aud că mă strigă Rama sunt nedumerită...

Mi-a luat ceva timp să mă obişnuiesc că mă strigă Ramona, iar acum Rama? Ca să nu mai spun că Rama e o margarină... Cum poate să mă strige ca pe margarină când, in mod sigur, NU sunt o margarină?

Şi, de parcă nu ar fi de ajuns, mă strigă 'muta'... ceea ce mă face şi mai nedumerită. Dacă pot înţelege, cu înţelegerea mea de 4 ani, că Rama vine de la Ramona, de bună seamă nu pot să pricep treaba asta cu 'muta'.

Vorbesc tot timpul, nu m-auzi? Ieri, de exemplu, am vorbit cu florile roz din grădină, cele din faţa geamului de la bucătărie. Au crescut şi acum sunt fete mari. Tare frumoase, arătându-se aşa, cu neruşinare. Eram curioasă, cum au făcut asta, aşa că am întrebat...

Cum aţi înflorit?

E în natura noastră, mi-au răspuns florile roz.

Recunosc, nu prea pricep cum vine asta... Credeam că Voi sunteţi natura... Vrei să spui că natura are o natură?

Şi apoi, vorbesc în fiecare zi cu frunzele din copacii de la marginea aleii. Sunt tare curioasă şi despre ele...

Cine v-a dat numele de 'frunză'? De ce creşteţi? Aşa de multe într-un singur copac! O să tai câteva dintre voi, ca să aibe şi câinii ce să mănânce. Cred cu siguranţă că vor veni câinii şi vor mânca frunzele. Eu nu pot să mănânc carne, deşi mă forţează, aşa că am grijă de câini, să poată mânca ceva bun în caz că nici ei nu vor carne.

Şi fiecare frunză are propria ei poveste... Povestea frunzei! Şi sunt chiar prietenoase, ştiai? Le-ai ascultat vreodată?

Apoi, sunt stelele! Lor le spun că într-o zi când mă fac mare, că aşa am înţeles că se întâmplă, o să mă fac astronaut şi o să merg pâââână la ele să le cunosc! Pentru că, desigur, sunt tare tare curioasă şi despre ele... Mă mir că oamenii mari râd de mine de fiecare dată când întreb despre toate stelele şi despre toate numele lor. Dacă vrei să faci cunoştinţă cu ele, evident că începi cu numele, nu-i aşa? Aşa se face... Salut, numele cu care mă strigă e Ramona. Uneori Rama, e mai scurt. Alte dăţi îmi spun 'muta', dar aşa cum vedeţi sunt chiar curioasă şi am o grămadă de întrebări! Ce nume ţi-au dat ţie? Într-o bună zi, o să strălucim împreună, pentru că o să vin la voi!

'Rama, treci înăntru!'

Tot aud vocea ei...

Şi mai e povestea asta pe care mi-o tot spun, cum că ei sunt părinţii mei, eu sunt copilul lor. AL LOR. Dar eu ştiu că nu e adevărat, e doar o poveste pe care ei vor să o cred. Nu înţeleg de ce ţin secret cine sunt eu de fapt. Într-o zi, le spun că ştiu că nu sunt părinţii mei, aşa că mai bine mi-ar spune cinstit cine sunt eu. Mama e tare supărată, tata e tare trist, bunica e de-a dreptu' furioasă. E clar acum, ei nu-şi amintesc cine sunt ei de fapt. Ăsta e motivul pentru care sunt supăraţi şi trişti şi furioşi. Neajutoraţi.

Aşa că mă uit în oglindă, atingându-mi faţa, încercând din răsputeri să-mi dau seama Cine sunt şi cum arăt eu de fapt? Sunt convinsă că ceea ce văd în oglindă nu e faţa mea adevărată. Oricum, ei îmi spun tot timpul că am ochii mamei, părul tatei... Sunt convinsă că, sub pielea asta pe care o văd şi o ating, se ascunde adevărata mea înfăţişare. Dacă numai aş găsi-o mai repede!

Apoi mă obişnuiesc cu reflecţia din oglindă.

Şi mă obişnuiesc şi să trec înăuntru. Cresc, mergând înăuntru.

Încă mai fac asta. Doar că acum, merg înăuntrul meu. Merg în camera sufletului meu. Merg în spaţiul inimii mele.

Şi încă vorbesc cu florile şi cu stelele. Încă îmbrăţişez copacii şi mângâi florile. Nu mai cred că dumnealor, câinii, mănâncă frunze...

Poate că, vorbind cu florile şi cu copacii şi cu stelele, am învăţat să ascult. Florile şi copacii şi stelele erau mereu acolo, ascultându-mă. Chiar şi când nu spuneam nimic, tot îmi ascultau liniştea. Ascultându-şi liniştea lor în acelaşi timp.

Poate că aşa am învăţat să ascult liniştea din interiorul meu. Poate că aşa am învăţat să ascult şi liniştea ta. Cine ştie? Oricum nu e nicio diferenţă...

Este doar... Linişte.

Din inimă,
Ram

every moment

2010-04-12T23:53:00.002+03:00

every moment I'm falling
in the depths of love

every moment I'm diving
in the ocean of love

every moment I'm melting
in the fire of love

every moment I'm rising
on the peaks of love

every moment I'm flying
on the wings of love

every moment I'm dancing
in the sound of love

every moment I'm painting
in the colors of love

every moment I'm rejoicing
in the laughter of love

every moment I'm celebrating
in the dance of love

every moment I'm rebirthing
in the heart of love

every moment I'm filled
in the spaciousness of love

every moment I'm emptied
in the fullness of love

every moment I'm naked
in the eyes of love

Love,
Ram

Although

2010-04-11T22:20:00.001+03:00

Although I'm comfortable in the valley of my being
For finding you, I climb your highest mountains

Although I'm relaxed on the shores of my body
For meeting you, I dive in the ocean of your soul

Although I'm resting in the silence of my heart
For embracing you, I walk in the craziness of your world

Although I find myself Home
For loving you, I jump in the restlessness of your mind

Although I'm full of love
For receiving you, I empty myself in a second

Love,
Ram

dimensions

2010-04-10T23:37:00.006+03:00

in the sea of you, I'm floating
in the sea of me, you're diving

in the fire of you, I'm melting
in the fire of me, you're shaping

in the wideness of you, I'm expanding
in the wideness of me, you're growing

in the sky of you, I'm flying
in the sky of me, you're soaring

in the light of you, I'm shining
in the light of me, you're radiating

in the depths of you, I'm merging
in the depths of me, you're rising

in the eyes of your heart, rests my mystery
in the mystery of my heart, hides your treasure

in the love of you, I'm flowering
in the love of me, you're strengthening

and in the love of God, once again
we become One

Love,
Ram

dimensiuni

in marea din tine, plutesc
in marea din mine, te scufunzi

in focul din tine, ma topesc
in focul din mine, te formezi

in vastitatea din tine, ma desfasor
in vastitatea din mine, cresti

in cerul din tine, zbor
in cerul din mine, planezi

in lumina din tine, stralucesc
in lumina din mine, radiezi

in profunzimea din tine, ma scufund
in profunzimea din mine, te inalti

in ochii inimii tale, se odihneste misterul meu
in misterul inimii mele, se ascunde comoara ta

in iubirea din tine, infloresc
in iubirea din mine, te intaresti

iar in iubirea lui Dumnezeu, inca o data
devenim Una

Din inima,
Ram

Life

2010-04-08T22:34:00.007+03:00

There are moments when life just happens. When you feel like you have been swept away.When everything that seemed light and alive and shiny in your life simply collapses and disappears in one second. And, even worse, it expands and touches other lives too. Moments when the same one second is all the time you have to gather yourself and match the new 'landscape'.

It makes me think... How did I wake up this morning? What was the first thought I had? How aware was I that I woke up in a new day of this life? Did I realize, right then, in the second I opened my eyes, how precious is that very second? Or the next one...

There are moments of survey.

Moments when you receive, one more time, the chance of becoming responsible for your own life. For your own actions. For your own thoughts. For your relationships.

Moments when you realize that what you touch can be transformed, just like in fairytale, in gold or in ashes.

And I'm asking myself. And I'm asking you too...

How aware are you that in this very moment you're alive?
How responsible are you with your life?
How responsible are you with what simply means, Life?

Love,
Ram

Viaţa

Sunt momente în care viaţa pur şi simplu se întâmplă. În care ai senzaţia că eşti luat pe sus. În care tot ce părea luminos şi viu şi strălucitor în viaţa ta se prăbuşeşte şi dispare într-o clipă. Şi, mai rău, se întinde şi contaminează cumva şi alte vieţi din jurul tău. Momente în care aceeaşi clipă este şi tot timpul pe care îl ai pentru a te replia în noul peisaj.

Mă face să mă gândesc... Cum m-am trezit dimineaţă? Care a fost primul gând pe care l-am avut? Cât de conştientă am fost că m-am trezit într-o nouă zi din viaţa asta? Am realizat, chiar atunci, în secunda în care am deschis ochii, cât de preţioasă e acea secundă? Sau următoarea...

Sunt momente de bilanţ.

Momente în care primeşti, încă o dată, şansa de a deveni responsabil pentru propria-ţi viaţă. Pentru acţiunile tale. Pentru gândurile tale. Pentru relaţiile tale.

Momente în care realizezi că ceea ce atingi se poate transforma, exact ca în poveşti, în aur sau în cenuşă.

Şi mă întreb. Şi te întreb...

Cât de conştient/ă eşti, chiar în acest moment, că trăieşti?
Tu cât de responsabil/ă eşti cu viaţa ta?
Cât de responsabil/ă eşti cu ceea ce înseamnă, simplu, Viaţă?

Din inimă,
Ram

Love and Freedom

2010-04-08T01:00:00.002+03:00

What I thought to be an inner conflict until a while ago, now has become a paradox, going beyond the understanding of the mind.

The more I allow myself to love, the more free I feel and the more freedom to be myself is available. The more freedom to be myself, the more love grows inside me and shines through.

Freedom comes from Love. Love grows out of Freedom. And meditation is the nourishing space in which both Love and Freedom can flower.

Through meditation your ability to experience both of them as a way of living is immensely increased. Love and Freedom merge together in the spaciousness created through meditation.

Such a beautiful perfect twine!

Love,
Ram

Iubire şi Libertate

Ceea ce am crezut că este un conflict interior până acum ceva vreme în urmă, acum a devenit un paradox, trecând dincolo de înţelegerea minţii.

Cu cât mai mult îmi dau voie să iubesc, cu atât mai liberă sunt şi cu atât mai mult simt libertatea de a fi eu însămi. Cu cât mai multă libertate de a fi eu însămi, cu atât mai mult creşte iubirea înăuntrul meu şi străluceşte în afară.

Libertatea vine din Iubire. Iubirea creşte în Libertate. Iar meditaţia este spaţiul hrănitor în care Iubirea şi Libertatea pot înflori.

Prin meditaţie, abilitatea de a le trăi împreună ca şi mod de viaţă este infinit extinsă. Iubirea şi Libertatea se topesc împreună în spaţialitatea creată prin meditaţie.

Ce împletire minunată şi perfectă!

Din inimă,
Ram

the sands of Love

2010-04-06T12:41:00.002+03:00

the sands of Love are ever changing and yet are always here
just like the sands of Time
just like the streams of Space
and realms of Life
carrying you through the mists of your being
giving birth to your core...

until you find God
until you find Yourself!

Love,
Ram

The Seed, the Boy and the Flower

2010-04-04T16:17:00.056+03:00

In the beginning, the seed was just that: a seed. With nothing but promises inside... The promise of blooming, of floweriness, of color, of fragrance, of fruitful existence...

But for now, she was only staying there, knowing nothing of all these, knowing nothing of the world. She had no notion of time passing, of day and night, of moonlight and sunshine, of sea and shore... She knew no heights or depths, no right or left, no inner or outer, front or rear... She couldn't do wrong and she couldn't do right either. In her crust, she was free, she was safe. And she was alone. Until one day when...

... a Boy saw something among the thousands of grass blades. It was the Seed. Something was touched inside him when he first laid his eyes on her and so he took her with him. He was curious to see what will flower out of it. In the warmth of his hand, the Seed started to feel there's something else out there, outside her crust. Curious and happy, totally absorbed by the moment, like only a small child can be, the Boy prepared a space in his garden where he planted the Seed. And, before she knew it, she found herself huddled by this dark, cramped 'thing'.

Such a small space... It's not really easy to breathe in here... And what is this? Dark? I wonder if this is the Dark I once heard about... The one that can nourish me and support me to grow out of this crust... Ah! Where is that warmth that I felt before finding myself here, in this darkness? And I wonder how it would be to...

This is how the little Seed was adjusting to her new life, with all the discoveries.

Hmm, seems that I have a mind that can produce millions of thought, without ever stopping! Must be that I have a brilliant mind!

In the meanwhile, the Boy was more and more curious about what will come out from the Seed he has planted. He was coming each day, smiling and singing, to water her, to check if something grew already, and to let her know that he was there, believing she's going to be the most beautiful Flower in the world.

One day, among the millions of thoughts, this question came out for the Seed...

What if I stop thinking? What else is there, besides thinking?

And so, she discovered Silence. More than this, she discovered that in this Silence, she can connect with everything around her as well as with her center. That is, of course, after she felt she has a center that keeps her together. She learned that the strange thing called 'water' is not there to flood her, but to soften her crust. And that from the ground surrounding her, she can receive lots of good stuff to help her grow.

In this Silence, something else was possible for her... She started to hear the Boy's voice, singing and talking to her. She remembered the warmth of his hand holding her. For the first time, she felt curious to see who this Boy is, how does his hand looks like... And she noticed that from her center small rays were growing now, piercing through her crust, already soften by the water. And these little soft wires gripped themselves into the ground, becoming her roots.

Moment by moment, the Seed was letting go of her old condition, of everything she knew about herself, finding herself new and different each day. The more she grew, the easier it was, cause everything she was leaving behind was supporting her to grow further and higher up. Something else than the dark that was surrounding her started to appear...

This must be the Light!

... she said to herself, while continuing to grow. In this new light, she saw that she has turned into a beautiful, gracious, green stem, just about to come out of ground into the light. She smelled the freshness of the air, taking deep long breaths. She felt how she can move freely, swinging in this new spaciousness around her. She heard the music of the birds. And she felt...

This must be Heaven!

Then she heard the Boy's voice again.

This is my Flower! My beautiful Flower!

He was singing and dancing around her, happy that the Seed turned into a Flower.

Hearing all this, she opened her eyes. And there it was. Two big blue eyes, sparkling with joy, amazed by the Flower he was just discovering.

I knew you were a Flower, from the moment I saw you. The most beautiful Flower in the world!

It was so that he was talking, letting her also know about him, about his dreams, his believes, his torments and his desires... And she was listening to all his stories, growing each day into an even more beautiful, shinier, happier Flower. She came to love his voice making her feel peaceful, his hands gently and firmly touching her leafs and petals, and most of all, his eyes watching her flowering, so full of light and aliveness. And he came to love her softness, her beauty, her light, her fragrance, her tranquility.

Days were flowing like this. When they were not together, the Flower was learning more about herself, about being a flower. And she was sharing her experience with other flowers, with blades of grass and with trees, teaching and learning the same, on sharing your unique fragrance to the world, on showing yourself as you are, on love and freedom and inner truth. The Flower became aware of her growing, happy and grateful that, it was not only her who was transforming, but her beautiful lovely buds also.

Until one day, when the Boy came to see the Flower. He held her in his arms, then looked at her with his big blue eyes while saying... I love you. The Flower looked back, felt warmth in her heart, while answering... I know.

And then he left.

At first, the Flower didn't know what to believe or what to think. She was confused, trying to understand what was happening. She was missing his voice, their laughter, their togetherness and those big blue eyes, that once saw the Flower in a seed.

Now the Boy was only passing by from time to time. In his eyes, she became another flower in the garden.

The days were passing like this, bringing sadness for the Flower. Still holding him in her heart, she understood that he has his own Journey to continue, with other adventures to be lived, other territories to be conquered and other stories to be told.

Without denying her feelings, embracing both her pain and her love, the Flower prayed with all her heart...

Help me to let him go. In the space of love, set us free.

And one day, one Easter day, when the Flower was looking one more time to see his big blue eyes, something magic just happened.

It was not anymore his voice telling stories, it was only the wind gently breezing through the leafs. The warmth she felt from his heart melted in the warmth of the Sun. And right then, she saw those big blue eyes one last time, disappearing in the wideness of the deep blue sky.

Good bye my love. We are free now. Go conquer the world...

she whispered.

Then she smiled. Around her she saw other flowers, trees, blades of grass, blue birds and butterflies, even humans were there. She was grateful for her colors, for her light, for her unique fragrance, for everything she has become. She had her beautiful lovely buds to take care of and entire world to love.

Was she the most beautiful Flower in the world? No one can tell...

But for sure, she was... Herself!

Love,
Ram

Sămânţa, Băiatul şi Floarea

La început, sămânţa era doar atât: o sămânţă, cu nimic altceva în afară de promisiuni purtate în interiorul ei... Promisiunea bobocilor, a înfloririi, a culorii, a parfumului, a unei existenţe pline de rod...

Dar acum, doar stătea acolo, neştiind nimic despre toate acestea, neştiind nimic despre lume. Nu avea noţiunea trecerii timpului, nu ştia despre zi şi noapte, despre clar de lună şi strălucirea soarelui, despre mare şi ţărm...Nu cunoştea înălţimi ori adâncimi, nici dreapta sau stânga, interior sau exterior, faţă sau spate... Nu putea greşi dar nu putea face nici bine. În crusta ei, era liberă, era în siguranţă. Şi era singură. Până într-o zi când...

... un Băiat a văzut ceva între miile de fire de iarbă. Era Sămânţa. Ceva a fost atins în el când a văzut-o pentru prima dată, aşa că a luat-o cu el. Era curios să vadă ce va înflori din ea. În căldura din palma lui, Sămânţa a început să simtă că mai este şi altceva afară, dincolo de crusta ei. Curios şi fericit, absorbit total de moment, aşa cum numai un copil poate fi, Băiatul a pregătit un loc în grădina lui unde a plantat Sămânţa. Şi, înainte ca ea să-şi dea seama, s-a găsit îngrămădită într-o 'chestie' întunecată şi înghesuită.

E atât de mic spaţiul ăsta... Nu prea e uşor să respir aici... Şi ce-o fi ăsta? Întunericul? Mă întreb dacă este acel Întuneric despre care am auzit odată, mai demult... Acela care mă poate hrăni şi sprijini să cresc şi să ies din crusta mea... Ah! Unde-o fi căldura pe care am simţit-o înainte să mă nimeresc aici, în bezna asta? Şi mă întreb, oare cum ar fi să...

Aşa se adapta mica Sămânţă la noua ei viaţă, cu toate descoperirile pe care le făcea.

Hmm, se pare că am o minte care poate produce milioane de gânduri, fără ca măcar să se oprească! De bună seamă am o minte sclipitoare!

Între timp, Băiatul era din ce în ce mai curios să vadă ce o să iasă din Sămânţa pe care a plantat-o. Venea în fiecare zi, zâmbind şi cântând, să îi pună apă, să verifice dacă a crescut deja ceva, şi să îi spună că el e acolo, convins că va fi cea mai frumoasă Floare din lume.

Într-o zi, printre milioanele de gânduri, în mintea Seminţei apăru şi această întrebare...

Ce-ar fi dacă n-aş mai gândi? Oare ce se află dincolo de gânduri?

Şi aşa, a descoperit Liniştea. Chiar mai mult, a descoperit că în această Linişte se poate conecta cu tot ce este în jur şi cu centrul ei în acelaşi timp. Bineînţeles, după ce a simţit că are un centru care o menţine în forma ei. A învăţat că ciudăţenia aceea numită "apă" nu vine ca să o inunde pe ea, ci ca să-i înmoaie crusta. Şi că, din tot pământul care o înconjoară poate primi din plin ce are nevoie ca să crească.

În Liniştea aceasta, şi altceva a devenit posibil pentru ea... A început să audă vocea Băiatului, cum cânta şi vorbea cu ea. Şi-a amintit de căldura din palma lui. Pentru prima dată, a simţit că e curioasă să vadă cine e Băiatul acesta, cum arată mâna lui... Şi a început să observe că din interiorul ei începuseră deja să crească nişte firişoare, trecând prin crusta ei, de-acum înmuiată de apă. Iar aceste firişoare s-au prins în pământ, devenind rădăcinile ei.

Moment cu moment, Sămânţa renunţa la vechea ei stare, la tot ce ştia despre ea, descoperindu-se nouă şi diferită în fiecare zi. Cu cât creştea mai mult, cu atât mai uşor îi era, pentru că tot ce lăsa în urmă o sprijinea să crească mai departe, mai sus. A început să apară şi altceva decât întunericul care o înconjura...

Asta trebuie să fie Lumina!

... şi-a spus sieşi, în timp ce continua să crească. În lumina cea nouă, a văzut că se transformase într-o frumoasă şi graţioasă tulpină, pe punctul de a ieşi din pământ. A mirosit prospeţimea aerului, inspirând profund. A simţit cum se poate mişca liberă, legănându-se în spaţiul din jurul ei. A auzit cântecul păsărilor. Şi a simţit...

Ăsta trebuie să fie Raiul!

Apoi a auzit iar vocea Băiatului.

Uite Floarea mea! Floarea mea frumoasă!

Cânta şi dansa în jurul ei, fericit că Sămânţa devenise Floare.

Auzind toate acestea, Floarea îşi deschise ochii. Şi iată-i! Doi ochi mari şi albaştri, strălucind de bucurie, minunându-se de Floarea pe care tocmai o descoperea.

Ştiam eu că eşti o Floare, chiar de când te-am văzut. Cea mai frumoasă Floare din lume!

Aşa îi vorbea, povestindu-i şi despre el, despre visurile lui, despre ceea ce credea, despre apăsările şi dorinţele lui... Iar ea îi asculta toate poveştile, crescând în fiecare zi într-o chiar mai frumoasă, mai strălucitoare, mai fericită Floare. A ajuns să iubească vocea lui care o făcea să se simtă în pace, mâinile lui care îi atingeau frunzele şi petalele cu delicateţe şi hotărâre în acelaşi timp, şi, mai ales, a ajuns să iubească ochii lui atât de plini de lumină şi de viaţă, care o priveau cum înfloreşte. Iar el a ajuns să iubească moliciunea ei, frumuseţea, lumina, parfumul, pacea ei.

Zilele curgeau. Când nu erau împreună, Floarea învăţa despre ea însăşi, despre a fi Floare. Şi îşi împărtăşea experienţa cu alte flori, cu firele de iarbă şi cu copacii, învăţându-i şi fiind învăţată la rândul ei, despre a-ţi împărtăşi cu ceilalţi parfumul tău unic, despre a te arăta aşa cum eşti, despre iubire şi libertate şi adevăr interior. Floarea deveni conştientă de creşterea ei, fericită şi recunoscătoare că nu era doar ea aceea care se transforma, ci şi dragii şi frumoşii ei boboci.

Până când, într-o zi, Băiatul veni să vadă Floarea. A luat-o în braţe, s-a uitat la ea cu ochii lui mari şi albaştri în timp ce i-a spus... Te iubesc. Floarea l-a privit şi ea, a simţit căldura din inima ei, în timp ce i-a răspuns... Ştiu.

Şi-apoi el a plecat.

La început, Floarea nu ştia ce să creadă. Se simţea confuză, încercând să înţeleagă ce se întâmplase. Îi era dor de vocea lui, de râsul lor, de a fi împreună, şi de acei ochi mari şi albaştri, care văzuseră odată Floarea într-o sămânţă.

Acum Băiatul trecea doar pe acolo din când în când. În ochii lui, ea devenise o altă floare în grădină.

Zilele treceau aşa, aducând tristeţe în sufletul Florii. Păstrându-l încă în inima ei, Floarea a înţeles ca Băiatul avea propria lui Călătorie de continuat, cu alte aventuri de experimentat, alte teritorii de cucerit şi alte poveşti de povestit.

Fără să-şi nege sentimentele, îmbrăţişând durerea şi iubirea deopotrivă, Floarea s-a rugat din toată inima ei...

Ajută-mă să-l eliberez. În spaţiul iubirii, eliberează-ne pe amândoi.

Şi iată că într-o zi, o zi de Paşte, când Floarea mai privea încă o dată căutând să vadă ochii lui cei mari şi albaştri, s-a întâmplat ceva magic.

Nu mai era vocea lui spunând poveşti, se auzea doar vântul adiind uşor printre frunze. Căldura ce-o simţise radiind din inima lui s-a topit în căldura Soarelui. Şi chiar atunci, a mai văzut pentru ultima dată acei ochi mari şi albaştri, dispărând în albastrul cerului întins.

La revedere iubitul meu. Suntem liberi acum. Du-te şi cucereşte lumea...

a şoptit ea.

Apoi a zâmbit. A privit în jurul ei şi a văzut că erau alte flori, copaci, fire de iarbă, păsări şi fluturi, chiar şi oamenii erau acolo. Era recunoscătoare pentru culorile ei, pentru lumina ei, pentru parfumul ei unic, pentru tot ceea ce devenise. Avea dragii şi frumoşii ei boboci de care să aibă grijă şi o întreagă lume de iubit.

Era cea mai frumoasă Floare din lume? Nimeni nu poate spune...

Dar, cu siguranţă, era... Ea însăşi!

Din inimă,
Ram

'Be. Love. That's all.'

2010-04-02T16:42:00.006+03:00

It's again me and Him, God. Talking. Feeling that endless silence in my heart, when I'm Home, in His heart. And I pray. I let my heart to whisper to Him...

I am Here. I'm not running away now.

I was afraid, for a while, to take responsibility for the reason of my being into this life. I was asking myself, fearfully... What if I came here to kill someone? What if the reason, that Reason, for which my soul chose to be here, is something horrible? How could I live afterwards?

And you let me be, with my questions and doubts, just gently watching me, patiently and lovingly carrying me inside your heart.

Then came the moment when that other car hit us. The sound of the metal crushing into another metal, of broken glass flying through air, that heavy smell of squeaked tires, the mind being shocked, unable to think, and the certainty that it's ok, I'm ok...

People said we were lucky that is was only that. I know it was You who protected me and carefully held me, while I was giving to myself 'How to come back Home' lessons...

And so I understood that it doesn't matter I'm alive, if I'm not living my purpose. And I told you...
God, I receive Your grace. I receive my gift, no matter what gift I have to manifest into this world. No matter what I came to accomplish here, now, I take it.
I released myself from fear and fear set me free right then, while I was letting my heart speak to you.

Since then, 2 years have gone. 2 years by the calendar that is... cause otherwise I feel like a few lives! Since then, I've learned to take myself out of my way and to invite You, God, to guide me, to tell me, to show me, to inspire me.

I've asked You, thousand times, what is my gift. And You've answered me, thousand ways, that it is my Presence. It is that state of presence in which I let You manifest through me, in which I'm letting myself to be modeled, to be lived, in which You flow through me and so, miracles are being born, paths are opening, hearts are flowering, and we, human beings, we are healed becoming, again, whole. Then You showed me my heart and how much love is springing out of it. And You told me to love. Be, love, and this is all.

I know sometimes I persist in staying there, in the middle of my way. I know there are still some resistances appearing with the same old 'But why?' I know there is still the need of knowing How and Where and When. In the meantime, I'm also seeing that they don't have so much power as they used to have. It's like they're visiting me, once in a while for a few days, I'm observing them, I'm telling to myself that Here they are, coming to visit me again, and then I'm telling them Thank you and good bye. Then it's silence, dear God, and I'm letting You in again. I invite You inside my heart. Again and again.

Now, there's a sadness visiting me and she's here since few days ago. I asked her what is that she's bringing to me, what message is she carrying this time. And she's telling me that it's the longing for You. That these moments when I'm staying in my way, are the moments when I keep you out of it and I don't feel your Presence anymore. The moments when doubting appears...

Am I fulfilling my purpose, my meaning now? Or have I lost myself, again, in one thousand other things?

I'm thanking her for the message. And I remember what You once whispered...

When you wander not being on your path, you find closed doors. When your heading towards your path, starting to get closer, the doors start to open too. And when your stepping on your path, there are no more doors. The path is clear. It's free. And every door you meet is a master for yourself. You can run away of it, you can stay in front of it contemplating, you can bang your head on it, it can become a jumping board to lead you on... The possibilities are as wide as your creativity and as big as your courage.

It's silence again. Your words are resonating inside me. Presence... Love... Creativity... Courage... I'm breathing in and reaffirm my choice.

I am Here. I am Present in my life. I am Woman and I am Love. And if this love has the gift to touch other lives, to open hearts, to nourish souls, to support, to transform... then who am I to withstand it? Who am I not to receive this gift?

I close my eyes, breathing in. I'm receiving.
I open my eyes, breathing out. I'm sharing.

And I let my heart to whisper one more thing...

God?

Thank You... I love You.

Love,
Ram

"Fii. Iubeşte. Şi atât."

Sunt iar eu cu Dumnezeu. De vorbă. Cu liniştea aceea infinită din inimă, când sunt Acasă, în inima Lui. Şi-L rog, îmi las inima să-I şoptească...

Sunt Aici. Nu mai fug acum.

M-am temut, o vreme, să-mi asum motivul venirii mele în viaţa asta. Mă-ntrebam eu, cu frică... Dacă am venit să omor pe cineva? Dacă motivul, acel Motiv, pentru care sufletul meu a ales să fie aici este ceva oribil? Cum aş mai putea să trăiesc după?

Şi m-ai lăsat aşa, cu întrebările şi îndoielile mele, doar privindu-mă cu blândeţe, ţinându-mă răbdător şi iubitor în inima ta.

A venit apoi momentul în care acea altă maşină ne-a izbit. Sunetul de metal lovindu-se de alt metal, de geam spart zburând prin aer, scârţâitul de cauciucuri, mirosul acela greoi de încins şi de fum, mintea în stare de şoc, nemaigândind, şi certitudinea că e bine, că sunt bine...

Lumea a spus că am avut noroc că a fost doar atât. Eu ştiu că ai fost Tu care m-ai protejat şi m-ai ţinut cu atâta grijă, în timp ce-mi dădeam eu mie lecţii de întors Acasă...

Şi-aşa am înţeles că nu contează că trăiesc, dacă nu-mi trăiesc menirea. Şi ţi-am zis...
Doamne, primesc harul Tău. Primesc oricare ar fi darul meu de manifestat în această lume. Orice am venit să împlinesc aici, acum, îmi asum.
Mi-am eliberat frica şi ea m-a eliberat pe mine, chiar atunci, în timp ce-mi lăsam inima să-ţi vorbească.

Au trecut 2 ani de atunci. 2 ani calendaristici, că altfel... simt că au trecut mai multe vieţi! De atunci mă dau mereu la o parte din calea mea şi te invit pe Tine, Doamne, să mă ghidezi, să-mi povesteşti, să-mi arăţi, să mă inspiri.

Te-am întrebat, de mii de ori, care e darul meu. Mi-ai răspuns, în mii de feluri, că e Prezenţa mea. Starea de prezenţă, în care te las pe Tine să manifeşti prin mine, în care mă las modelată, trăită, în care Tu curgi prin mine şi, astfel, minunile se nasc, căile se deschid, inimile înfloresc, iar noi, noi oamenii, ne vindecăm, redevenind întregi. Mi-ai arătat apoi inima mea şi câtă iubire izvorăşte din ea. Şi mi-ai spus să iubesc. Să fiu, să iubesc, şi atât.

Şi ştiu, câteodată mă încăpăţânez să rămân eu acolo, moţ, în drum. Ştiu că încă apar rezistenţe şi veşnicul Da' de ce? Ştiu că încă e nevoia să ştiu eu Cum şi Unde şi Când. Între timp, le văd şi slăbite de putere. Nu mai au forţa de acum câţiva ani. Mă vizitează aşa, câteva zile, le observ, îmi spun că iată, iar au venit, şi apoi le spun Mulţumesc, la revedere. Şi rămân în linişte, Doamne, şi te las iar pe tine. Te invit în inima mea. Iar şi iar.

Acum mă vizitează o tristeţe de câteva zile. Am întrebat-o ce-mi aduce, ce mesaj are de data asta. Şi-mi spuse că e dorul de Tine. Că momentele astea, în care eu mă pun în calea mea, sunt momente în care te îndepărtez şi nu-ţi mai simt Prezenţa. Sunt momentele în care apare îndoiala...

Îmi împlinesc menirea în acest moment? Sau m-am pierdut iar, eu pe mine, într-o mie de alte lucruri?

Îi mulţumesc de mesaj. Şi-mi amintesc ce mi-ai şoptit odată...

Când te rătăceşti şi nu mai eşti pe drumul tău, găseşti uşi închise. Când te îndrepţi către drumul tău şi începi să fii aproape, uşile se deschid şi ele. Iar când mergi deja pe drumul tău, nu mai întâlneşti nicio uşă. E liber. Iar fiecare uşă pe care o întâlneşti, e un maestru pentru tine. Poţi fugi din calea ei, poţi rămâne în faţa ei contemplând-o, te poţi da cu capul de ea, poate deveni o trambulină pentru saltul mai departe... Posibilităţile sunt pe măsura creativităţii tale. Şi a curajului tău.

E linişte iar. Rezonează în mine vorbele tale. Prezenţă... Iubire... Creativitate... Curaj... Trag aer în piept şi-mi reafirm alegerea.

Sunt Aici. Sunt Prezentă în viaţa mea. Sunt Femeie şi sunt Iubire. Iar dacă iubirea asta are darul de a atinge alte vieţi, de a deschide inimi, de a hrăni suflete, de a sprijini, de a transforma... Cine sunt eu să mă împotrivesc? Cine sunt eu să nu primesc acest dar?

Închid ochii, inspir. Primesc.
Deschid ochii, expir. Împărtăşesc.

Şi-mi las inima să mai şoptească ceva...

Doamne?

Îţi mulţumesc... Te iubesc.

Din inimă,
Ram

How this Universe is answering

2010-03-28T00:40:00.005+02:00

I'm in Cluj now. The reason? An NLP Practitioner and Coach group. In the lunch break, I talk with Anca, 'mirror-mirror on the wall'. And she's asking me, again, what do I want to receive for my birthday, as I keep on going round around the answer every time...

Well, I would love to swim, to have a sun bath, in the park maybe, and in the evening to enjoy a tea with dear souls at Satya.
So I say.

Well, I see. But what do you want to receive? Maybe you didn't understood the question...
So she says.

I'm laughing, she's laughing too, and I remember that I know for sure what I don't want to receive - things to decorate the house... anyway I'm moving from house to house, renting, and soon there's a new changing home, so... I say yes to beautiful experiences, no to 'dust-gathering' stuff. We hang up laughing. And I'm realizing that, in fact, I still haven't answered the question.

What do I want to receive for my birthday?

Here it is, starting to feel this energy wave rising inside, as I don't understand why is so hard to say it since this is what I want. So I pick up the phone and call again and say out loud:

Well this is what I'm saying to this Universe. I want Love. I want to experience love in my life, in everything I do. Including a relationship with a man.

That's it! I said it.

I came back from lunch and one of the wonderful beings from this group, gently comes to me and gives me a gift, as she knew it's going to be my birthday: a small, red, beautiful box. And inside of it... a little heart!

Should I say how thrilled I was receiving this necklace? Should I describe the sensation that Yes, this Universe was here and listened to my words? The warmth and openness in my heart? The gratefulness for the way I received an answer, so fast and so beautiful? The trust that Yes, I shall receive that love also in a relationship with a man?

Thank you Edani, angel with velvet eyes. Thank you dear big Universe!

Thanking that I am Love!

Love,
Ram

Cum răspunde Universul

Sunt la Cluj acum. Motivul? Un grup de Practician şi Coach NLP. În pauza de masă vorbesc la telefon cu Anca, oglindă-oglinjoară. Care mă întreabă, iar, ce îmi doresc să primesc de ziua mea. Şi eu mă tot învârt în jurul răspunsului de câte ori mă-ntreabă...

Păi mi-ar plăcea să înot, să stau la soare, în parc, iar seara să savurez un ceai cu oamenii dragi la Satya.
Zic eu.

Bine, bine, dar ce îţi doreşti să primeşti? Poate n-ai înţeles întrebarea...
Zice ea.

Şi râd eu, râde şi ea, îmi aduc aminte că ştiu sigur ce nu vreau să mai primesc - lucruri de decorat casa, că oricum mă mut din casă-n casă cu chirie, urmând cât de curând o nouă mutare... Aşa că experienţe minunate sunt binevenite, lucruri de adunat praf pe ele... parcă nu. Închid telefonul râzând. Şi-mi dau seama că, de fapt, n-am răspuns la întrebare.

Ce îmi doresc eu să primesc de ziua mea?

Şi urcă aşa un val de energie în mine, că nu pricep ce mă tot codesc atâta să spun, din moment ce asta îmi doresc. Aşa că iau telefonul, sun iar oglindă-oglinjoara şi declar tare şi răspicat:

Păi uite, zic Universului aşa. Îmi doresc Iubire. Îmi doresc să trăiesc iubirea în viaţa mea, în tot ceea ce fac. Inclusiv în relaţia cu un bărbat.

Nah! Că am zis.

Mă întorc din pauza de masă şi iată că una din fiinţele minunate din acest grup de formare, vine delicat aşa, şi-mi dăruieşte un dar, că ştie ea că va fi ziua mea: o cutiuţă mică, roşie, drăguţă. Iar în cutiuţă... o inimioară!

Să mai spun emoţia pe care am simţit-o primind acest medalion? Să descriu senzaţia că Da, universul ăsta a fost aici şi m-a auzit când am declarat ce îmi doresc dar de ziua mea? Căldura şi deschiderea din inima mea? Recunoştinţa pentru felul în care am primit răspuns, atât de repede şi de frumos? Încrederea că Da, voi primi şi acea iubire în relaţia cu un bărbat?

Mulţumesc Edani, înger cu ochi de catifea. Mulţumesc Univers mare şi drag!

Mulţumesc că sunt Iubire!

Din inimă,
Ram

Good bye moment

2010-03-25T15:49:00.005+02:00

To say 'Good bye' when there is still love between, when there is still flowing connection, when there's nothing to reproach to one another, when no one is 'wrong', when there is still longing for the peaceful 'puzzle' hug... That's a hard thing to do. Hard and beautiful the same.

I knew the ending time will come, I'm in peace with it. My heart is now holding the space for the sadness of loss, the gratefulness for so many beautiful things that happened, the joy of this woman who flowered.

There's something precious in these moments of letting go. Not clinging to the story, but witnessing what happens inside, I've come to see that I'm not saying good bye only to you, my love. It is also time to let go these two roles that I played as a woman until now, mostly without being aware of them.

Scheherazade, the woman who used her wisdom for 1001 nights, motivating the Shah to let her alive. Your story fed on my own love for story telling, for metaphors and tales. Thank you, dear Scheherazade, for awakening these gifts in me.
As for having a man deciding for my life, I leave this to you. It is your own story and I'm stepping out of it. I've learned that I'm a free human being and there's no need anymore to give my power to someone else. It took me more than 1001 nights to empower myself as a woman, so thank you for this important lesson.
Thank you talented, mysterious Scheherazade. Thank you and good bye!

Yashodhara, the woman who devoted her life to the man she loved, Prince Siddhartha, and who actively supported him in his quest for buddhahood. Even after Prince Siddhartha had to go, leaving her and their life together, to become Buddha.
No wonder I was supporting the men I loved until feeling like a squeezed orange. No more 'mystery' here about my good friendships once the love relationship is over.
But you know, my dear Yashodhara, you said it yourself in the end of your life... 'I am my own refuge.'
I honor your life, your devotion, your compassion and your love. I'm letting go to the 'beautiful wise loving woman who always understands and supports her man, who quietly accepts her suffering when the man has to leave her and who has to be supportive even after relationship is over'. It took me some years to be ready to renounce this role.
Thank you devoted, wise Yashodhara. Thank you and good bye!

Maybe it's the spring cleansing. Maybe it's my birthday getting quite close and the need to create fresh space for a re-birth. Maybe it's about humble honoring everything that brought me here and every one who traveled with me so far. Maybe it's one of those moments of 'What do I want to keep? What do I want to let go?' Or maybe is that my whole being is shifting along with this change, sign that the lesson is being indeed learned.

For sure, saying good bye to you as a lover brought at surface other things, other aspects, other patterns that it's time to say good bye to. Here I am, ending not just 'another relationship', but chapters of my life. Maybe turning this into a pattern breaking (r)evolution. Who knows?

So... my love, I'm renewing my wishes to you. Have amazing times, dance with what life offers you, love whole heartily, allow the blessings to flow to you, and be in that space of your heart where deep silence is and you can find God. As He is a good fellow :)

Thank you for everything that was possible through this meeting. Thank you and good bye!

Love,
Ram

Moment by moment

2010-03-22T23:42:00.006+02:00

Today I was out in the park with the roller-blades. It was so soo good! Whenever I do this, I am in the present moment. It happens naturally. My body knows already that otherwise it hits the ground. Literally. So it is a very good exercise to be present. And here I am, smoothly rolling, when I notice that all the chattering that was there in my mind since waking up suddenly disappears. It makes no sense anymore. What am I complaining about, after all?

I connected again with my dear dear trees from the park. Last fall I watched them searing and losing their leafs, I watched them serenely letting a part of them to dye. I watched them giving up of what could not be alive for them anymore. And I heard no tree, not even one, complaining or crying or asking shouting to God But WHY?? In their silence, they allowed the nature to flow, to keep on going, to do its meaning.

And now I'm watching them again. Same trees as last year. Same silence. Same acceptance. This time, accepting life again, accepting the new, the fresh. Without complaining that it hurts them when the buds are sprouting. Or that is so hard to start all over again, and again, and again. Without saying that they better don't turn green, if anyway, when the fall comes, they will lose again what it grew out of their sap. Silently, life just goes on running through them.

And yet, from this silence there is so much wisdom springing. It is so that I'm connecting again with the silence within my being, with that source of wisdom where the 'famous' But WHY?? doesn't exist. I'm connecting with the green inside me, eager to sprout out into being, with life and with what I can create, with my roots on the ground and my crown towards the sky.

In this moment, if I stay in this Now moment, there's nothing missing from my life. In this Now moment there are only potentialities for how I can manifest, there are answers to the question What is possible for me Now? No trace of whining for what it would have been possible, if and only if... I know, it's a paradox, cause the mind comes in and slaps to my face all the bills to be paid. But it's not about this, it's about an inner state, about that State in which everything is possible, in which people make miracles with them selves and around them.

It was so good to let myself spoilt by the sun!

Moment by moment. This is the lesson I'm learning now.

Love,

Ram

Moment cu moment

Azi m-am dat cu rolele. Tare tare bine a mai fost. Când mă dau cu rolele sunt în prezent. Se întâmplă natural. Corpul ştie că altfel dă cu fundul de pământ. La propriu. Aşa că este un exerciţiu bun pentru mine ca să fiu în prezent. Şi alunecând eu aşa lin pe role, am observat că toată vorbăreala din mintea mea dintr-o dată dispare. Nu mai are niciun rost. Care e motivul pentru care să mă plâng, până la urmă?

M-am conectat iar cu dragii mei copaci din parc. Toamna trecută i-am văzut cum se usucă şi-şi pierd frunzele, i-am văzut cum lasă senini ca o parte din ei să moară. I-am văzut cum renunţă la ce nu mai poate fi viu pentru ei. N-am auzit niciunul plângâdu-se ori văicărindu-se ori întrebând urlând din toţi rărunchii Da' DE CE?? În tăcerea lor acolo, au lăsat natura să curgă, să meargă mai departe, să-şi facă treaba.

Şi mă uit la ei acum. Aceeaşi copaci de anul trecut. Aceeaşi tăcere. Aceeaşi acceptare. De data asta, acceptă viaţa iar, acceptă noul, acceptă proaspătul. Fără să se plângă că doare când mugurii pleznesc. Ori că e greu să o ia, iar şi iar, de la început. Că mai bine nu mai înverzesc, dacă la toamnă o să piardă iar ce-au lăsat să crească din seva lor. În tăcere, viaţa curge în continuare prin ei.

Şi totuşi, din tăcerea asta a lor curge atâta înţelepciune. Şi uite aşa mă conectez iar cu tăcerea din mine, cu sursa aceea de înţelepciune unde Da' DE CEul nu există. Mă conectez cu verdele ce stă să pleznească din mine întru fiinţare, cu viaţa şi cu ceea ce pot să creez, cu rădăcinile în pământ şi cu coroana către cer.

În momentul ăsta, dacă rămân în momentul ăsta de Acum, nu lipseşte nimic din viaţa mea. În momentul ăsta Acum, sunt doar potenţialităţi pentru cum mă pot manifesta, sunt răspunsuri la întrebarea Ce este posibil pentru mine Acum? Nici urmă de plângăreli pentru ce ar fi fost posibil, dacă şi numai dacă... Ştiu, e paradoxal, că vine mintea şi-mi trânteşte-n faţă facturile de plătit. Dar e vorba despre o stare în interior, despre Starea aceea în care orice este posibil, în care oamenii fac minuni cu ei, în ei, în jurul lor.

Ce bine a fost să mă las răsfăţată de soare!

Moment cu moment. Asta-i lecţia de o-nvăţ acum.

Din inimă,
Ram

The long distance from my life

2010-03-21T19:04:00.009+02:00

Since quite some time now I'm experiencing long distance relationships. I was fine with it, I was angry with it, I knew longing, joy and pain too, I experienced rebellion, despair and moments of deep surrendering, I made friends with sadness and tenderness, with happiness, gentleness, with carrying and comforting, with detachment and awareness, with tears, with laughter, and most of all, with the inner silence, with my heart... I changed, I grew... and I have come to who I am now.

Long distance relationships showed me things that wouldn't have been possible for me to see otherwise. It mirrored parts of my own that were deep hiding inside and so, a lot of things opened to healing and were healed.

Being in long distance relationships definitely shaped my way of relating, cause fantasies, projections, doesn't really work when is no one around but yourself... It taught me to return to what is now here, to what is real in this moment. It taught me to come back to myself and take responsibility for what I feel, for my emotions, for my feelings.

It gave me the freedom of having my own space of action, of moving, of deciding for myself. It gave me enough space to see my patterns, my habits, my wounds and sore points, my likes and longings, my qualities and my gifts.

And, of course, it gave me the nice comfort of not being 100% involved. The perfect escape to not be 100% present.

Was I ok with this? Of course. Otherwise, I would have changed it...

Until yesterday.When, with a few hours before my flight, in a moment of sensitivity, tension, vulnerability, openness, sadness and love too, I felt how precious that moment was. It held in it the potentiality for going deeper, for giving space to something precious to grow out of it, IF staying with it, going deeper with it, if being present. One of those moments when a bridge can happen, a bridge between the depths of two hearts.

But that moment didn't happened, because I had a flight to catch.

Instead, it turned into a moment when I felt the constriction, the limitation of a long distance relationship. A moment when I didn't want to escape, but to stay and see where it can lead. The moment when I felt, really felt in my body, what being present means and all the possibilities it opens.

So I came home. And, for the first time, it just roused inside me the thought

'I'm tired of long distance relationships!'

And then silence. Sleep. A new day. Today.

When instead of facilitating the Family Constellation workshop, I ended up talking with Răzvan and Anca, good good friends and mirrors for my soul, about how I'm organizing my work. It was Anca's question 'What is your relationship with money?' that made it so clear to me... Long distance relationship!!!

It's not only about love partner, I was also in a long distance relationship with money and with work. Because every time something beautiful could develop on a long time, I went away. That was the mega-pattern of my life. I love the man in my life, yet there's a distance between us. I love the people I'm working with, I love my work, and I behave like I'm in a long distance relationship.

It is not about the geographical distance. Living in different neighborhoods for me was just enough to meet him once a month...

It is not the traveling that bothers me. In fact, this is a part I love and brings me adventure.

It is about the fact that the distance between two individuals is the distance they put between themselves.

It is the heart to heart distance that I'm tired of. It is my heart longing to be open, to love, to continue flowering.

The distance present in my life is present because I put it there. It taught me a great deal of good things, it brought me here, and also, the time came when I could see what I'm keeping myself away from: deep, sustained intimacy. Where sustained is the key word.

With the man I love now, I opened and I let myself flower as a woman. Because I opened, it was space for past issues to be healed. Relating was flowing, without attachments or building life dreams. I remained true to myself, honoring his presence too. I grew towards love and freedom, towards myself. And, the most important and precious to me, I created space in my life so that love, work and meditation can be together. Perhaps it is even this spaciousness that allowed me to clearly see what I'm missing and where in my life I am still missing.

It is not about changing man or changing work. Of course not, that would create even more distance, and distance is what I created enough in this life. It is not about being together day by day, every day. I really appreciate time and space for myself. This is the surface structure. And I admit, I changed this surface structure few times...

The deeper structure is the shift that happened inside me with all the possibilities it opened for me. It is the aliveness that I have inside reaching out to spring and connect with what is alive outside. It is the permission I give myself to go deeper instead of escaping.

It is the availability to be present and allow sustained intimacy, sustained work to be not just something once in a while, but a way of living.

It is the space that I created through taking the responsibility of being present.

Love,
Ram

Distanţa din viaţa mea

De câţiva ani experimentez relaţii la distanţă. Am fost bine cu asta, am fost furioasă, am cunoscut doruri, bucurie şi durere de asemenea, am experimentat revolta, disperarea şi momente de abandon, de 'facă-se voia Ta', m-am împrietenit cu tristeţea şi tandreţea, cu fericirea, gingăşia, cu grija şi alinarea, cu detaşarea şi conştientizarea, cu lacrimile, cu râsul, şi mai ales cu tăcerea mea interioară, cu inima mea... M-am schimbat, am crescut... şi am ajuns să fiu femeia de acum.

Relaţiile la distanţă mi-au arătat lucruri pe care altfel nu aş fi putut să le văd. Mi-au oglindit părţi din mine care erau adânc ascunse şi, astfel, multe s-au deschis către a fi vindecate şi chiar s-au vindecat.

Să fiu în relaţii la distanţă cu siguranţă că mi-a definit modul de relaţionare. Fanteziile, proiecţiile, nu prea funcţionează când nu e nimeni în jur în afară de tine... M-a învăţat să mă întorc mereu la ce este acum aici, la ce este real în acest moment. M-a învăţat să mă întorc la mine şi să-mi asum responsabilitatea pentru ceea ce simt, pentru emoţiile mele, pentru sentimentele mele.

Mi-a dat libertatea de a avea spaţiul meu în care să acţionez, să mă mişc, să decid pentru mine. Mi-a dat destul spaţiu să-mi observ tiparele, obiceiurile, rănile şi locurile dureroase, să aflu ce îmi place şi ce mă face să tânjesc, să-mi descopăr calităţile şi darurile.

Şi, bineînţeles, mi-a dat confortul de a nu mă implica 100%. Evitarea perfectă de a nu fi 100% prezentă.

Am fost ok cu asta? Desigur. Altfel, aş fi schimbat ceva...

Până ieri. Când, cu câteva ore înainte să plec către aeroport, într-un moment de sensibilitate, tensiune, vulnerabilitate, deschidere, tristeţe şi iubire, am simţit cât de preţios era acel moment. Conţinea în el potenţialul de a merge mai profund, de a da spaţiu ca ceva preţios să crească din el, dacă am fi stat în acel moment, am fi mers mai profund cu el, dacă am fi rămas prezenţi în el. Unul din momentele în care un pod poate apărea, un pod între adâncimile a două inimi.

Dar acel moment nu s-a întâmplat, pentru că aveam un avion de prins.

În schimb, s-a transformat într-un moment în care am simţit constrângerea, limitarea unei relaţii la distanţă. Un moment în care n-am mai vrut să evadez, ci am vrut să stau şi să mă las ghidată de acest moment, să aflu unde mă poate conduce. Momentul în care am simţit, cu adevărat am simţit în corp, ce înseamnă să fii prezent şi câte posibilităţi se pot deschide astfel.

Aşa că am venit acasă. Şi, pentru prima dată a ieşit din mine gândul

'M-am săturat de relaţii la distanţă!'

Şi apoi linişte. Somn. O nouă zi. Astăzi.

Când, în loc de Constelaţia Familiei, am ajuns să stau de vorbă cu Răzvan şi Anca, buni prieteni şi oglinzi pentru sufletul meu, despre cum îmi organizez activitatea. Şi a venit întrebarea Ancăi 'Ce fel de relaţie ai tu cu banii?' care m-a ajutat să-mi fie atât de clar... Relaţie la distanţă!!!

Nu e vorba numai despre iubit, am fost într-o relaţie la distanţă şi cu banii şi cu munca mea. Pentru că, de fiecare dată când ceva frumos s-ar fi putut dezvolta pe termen lung, am plecat. Acesta a fost mega-tiparul vieţii mele. Iubesc bărbatul din viaţa mea, dar totuşi este distanţă între noi. Iubesc oamenii cu care lucrez, îmi iubesc munca, şi totuşi mă port ca şi cum aş fi într-o relaţie la distanţă.

Nu e vorba despre distanţa geografică. Să locuim în cartiere diferite a fost de ajuns pentru mine astfel încât să ne întâlnim o dată pe lună...

Nu mă deranjează călătoriile. De fapt, asta e o parte care-mi place şi care îmi aduce aventură.

Este vorba despre faptul că distanţa dintre doi oameni este distanţa pe care o aşează între ei.

Este distanţa de la inimă la inimă cea pe care am avut-o destul în viaţa asta. Este dorinţa inimii mele să fie deschisă, să iubească, să înflorească în continuare.

Distanţa care a fost prezentă în viaţa mea a fost prezentă pentru că eu am aşezat-o acolo. M-a învăţat multe lucruri bune pentru mine, m-a adus aici, şi, de asemenea, a venit momentul în care am putut să văd de ce anume mă ţin la distanţă: intimitate profundă şi susţinută. Unde susţinută este cuvântul cheie.

Cu bărbatul pe care îl iubesc acum, m-am deschis şi am înflorit ca femeie. Pentru că m-am deschis, a fost spaţiu astfel încât situaţii din trecut s-au putut vindeca. Relaţionarea dintre noi a fost curgătoare, fără ataşamente ori vise de viaţă. Am rămas autentică faţă de mine, onorând în acelaşi timp prezenţa lui. Am crescut către iubire şi libertate, către mine. Şi, cel mai important şi preţios pentru mine, am creat spaţiu ca în viaţa mea să poată exista în acelaşi timp iubire, muncă şi meditaţie. Poate că tocmai această spaţialitate a făcut posibil să văd clar ce îmi lipseşte şi unde în viaţa mea încă mai lipsesc eu.

Nu este despre a schimba bărbatul sau munca. Bineînţeles că nu, asta ar crea mai multă distanţă, şi distanţa este ceva ce am creat destul până acum. Nu este despre a fi împreună zi de zi, chiar apreciez să am timp şi spaţiu pentru mine. Asta este cumva structura de suprafaţă. Şi, recunosc, am schimbat de câteva ori suprafaţa...

Structura de profunzime este schimbarea care s-a petrecut în interior, cu toate posibilităţile pe care le-a deschis. Este viaţa pe care o am în mine şi care vrea să ţâşnească afară să se conecteze cu altceva ce este viu. Este permisiunea pe care mi-o dau să merg mai profund în loc să evadez.

Este disponibilitatea de a fi prezentă şi de a permite ca intimitatea menţinută, munca menţinută să devină un mod de viaţă.

Este spaţiul pe care l-am creat prin asumarea responsabilităţii de a fi prezentă.

Din inimă,
Ram

The mad asylum. Life.

2010-03-19T13:24:00.009+02:00

Witnessing my insides.

Swearing like a trouper.
Wildly dancing.
Silently meditating.
Loving.
Ah! Loving again!!!
Gently smiling.
Lightly shining.
Graciously being.
Crazy jumping.
Laughter. Loud! From the center of my being.
Shouting.
Singing.
Whispering.
Tears.
A part that wants to throw itself in the world, to taste the adventurous Life, to carefree be, to flow and enjoy!
The noisy question 'Where is your place? Where?'
The peaceful answer 'Here.'
A part that feels responsible and take on too much responsibility.
A detached part.
A voice asking frighten 'Where's the control? You lost control!!! No control freak anymore???'
A radiating silent face.
A jumping curious mind.
A heart that contains it all.
Love. Pure love.
Melting with existence. With everything. Everything that is inside.

All these I'm contemplating inside me, existing all in the same time.
Just like in a mad asylum.
Just like in life.
I'm free.
I love you Life :))

Love,
Ram

Azilul de nebuni. Viaţa.

Privesc înăuntrul meu.

Înjurături ca de birjar.
Dans sălbatic.
Meditând în tăcere.
Iubind.
Ah! Iubind iar!!!
Zâmbind cu blândeţe.
Luminând subtil.
Fiind cu graţie.
Sărind nebuneşte.
Râs. În hohote. Din centrul fiinţei mele.
Ţipând.
Cântând.
Şoptind.
Lacrimi.
O parte care vrea să se arunce în mijlocul lumii, să guste viaţa aventuroasă, să fie fără griji, să curgă şi să savureze!
Zgomotoasa întrebare 'Unde este locul tău? Unde?'
Răspunsul plin de pace 'Aici.'
O parte care se simte responsabilă şi care preia prea multe responsabilităţi.
O parte detaşată.
O voce întrebând speriată 'Unde este controlul? Ai pierdut controlul!!! Adică nu mai eşti bolnavă de control???'
O faţă radiând tăcere.
O minte ţopăind curioasă.
O inimă ce le conţine pe toate.
Iubire. Iubire pură.
Topindu-mă în existenţă. În tot. În tot ce este înăuntru.

Toate astea le contemplu în interiorul meu, fiind toate în acelaşi timp.
Exact ca-ntr-un azil de nebuni.
Exact ca în viaţă.
Sunt liberă.
Te iubesc Viaţă :))

Din inimă,
Ram

Great times, grateful woman

2010-03-17T16:00:00.001+02:00

For the first time in this life I am enjoying the experience of love, work and meditation all together, in the same time.

It used to be that when I was in love my energy went only to the man I loved and into the relationship. Time was flying away while I was lost in dreaming, in searching for ways to make him feel good, to keep us happy, to make it work. So there was not so much energy for work and far too less energy for meditation.

Then there were times when I was so focused on my work, on the activity I was doing, on finding 'my thing', 'my path', that the relationship just faded away, it slowly and surely disappeared, having no time or energy left for it.

Moving between love and work like between two extremes of my life, I was often feeling I'm loosing myself in the process, may that be love or work. And to find myself again I was withdrawing in meditation. Leaving relationship, leaving work and using meditation as escape.

And then this shift happen within myself.

I realized meditation is not an escape, it is simply the soul's hygiene. Just like brushing my teeth and showering every day is to the physical body, so is meditation for the soul. It just can't be without, otherwise things get stinky...

Moving towards relating and work from the space of meditation, love and work has gained the quality of presence. Being present, I'm not feeling that I lose myself neither in work, neither in loving someone. Being present, relationship turns into relating and there's no need to do something, for relating simply flows. Work happens moment by moment in the space of Now.

By being present, all parts of life are included, as being present happens no matter if it's love, work or meditation.

And what comes out of my mind now is this quote from Nithya Shanti:

“The beggar is concerned about the next meal. The street merchant is concerned about his daily earnings. The wage earner lives a month at a time. The manager plans for the quarter. The CEO for the next few years. The President considers the next five years. The Futurist contemplates the coming decades. And the care of a sage is rooted in the now and still penetrates all eternity.”

Love,
Ram

When acceptance is, what is there to hide?

2010-03-13T02:12:00.007+02:00

In the past relationships I longed to have intimacy. And yet, it didn't happened as total as I'm experiencing it now.

I felt intimacy was a space we shared from the beginning, and every time we meet, we go deeper into this, into genuine meeting and togetherness. What makes it possible is the sincerity and the openness we both come with... No masks, no hidings. Acceptance from both sides. Respect for each other's feelings, emotions, way of thinking, way of being.

To be with your beloved with naked soul, not only with naked body. This is intimacy for me.

But first I had to learn to undress my soul of labels and judgments. First I had to accept myself as I am. Being gentle and loving with myself, no matter what.

First I had to open my heart and embrace all fears, pains, resistances... Discovering through receiving them in this space of my heart, that in fact, nothing is repulsive, nothing is unacceptable. And there is nothing in my being, absolutely nothing that can not be loved and accepted.

And when acceptance is, what is there to hide?

I am happy and relaxed with myself as woman now. Beauty shines from inside, it has nothing to do with make ups. Sensuality is an energy, it doesn't really count if my stomach is ballooned :)) nor matters the cellulite... The way body smells and tastes comes from the happiness inside, not from perfumes or body moisture.

I've come to know myself, to feel my energy and to respect it. I know when I want to do something and when is ok for me to stop. I can just be as I am and this gives me the freedom to enjoy myself and others.

My heart loves. I feel Alive. And I'm grateful for this.

Love,
Ram

Când acceptarea e, ce mai rămâne de ascuns?

În relaţiile trecute am tânjit să trăiesc intimitate. Şi totuşi, nu s-a întâmplat atât de total cum experimentez acum.

Intimitatea a fost un spaţiu pe care am simţit de la început că-l împărtăşim. Şi, de fiecare dată când ne întâlnim, simt că mergem mai profund în a fi împreună, în această intimitate creată. Ce face ca asta să fie posibil este sinceritatea şi deschiderea cu care amândoi venim. Fără măşti, fără să (ne) ascundem. Acceptare din ambele părţi. Respect pentru sentimentele fiecăruia, pentru emoţii, felul de a gândi, de a fi.

Să fii cu persoana iubită, având sufletul dezbrăcat, nu doar corpul. Asta este intimitatea pentru mine.

Am avut mai întâi de învăţat să-mi dezbrac sufletul de etichete şi judecăţi. Să mă accept aşa cum sunt. Să fiu blândă şi iubitoare cu mine, indiferent de ceea ce se întâmplă.

Mai întâi a trebuit să-mi deschid inima şi să îmbrăţişez toate fricile, durerile, rezistenţele... Descoperind că, primindu-le în inimă, de fapt nimic nu e respingător, nimic nu e de neacceptat. Şi că nu este nimic în fiinţa mea, absolut nimic, care să nu poată fi iubit şi acceptat.

Iar când acceptarea e, ce mai rămâne de ascuns?

Acum sunt fericită şi relaxată cu mine ca femeie. Frumuseţea străluceşte din interior, nu are de-a face cu machiajul. Senzualitatea este o energie, nu prea ţine cont dacă am stomacul umflat :)) şi nici măcar de celulită... Mirosul corpului este dat de fericirea din interior, nu de parfum ori cremă de corp.

Am ajuns să mă cunosc, să-mi simt energia şi să o respect. Ştiu când îmi doresc să fac ceva şi când este bine pentru mine să nu fac. Pot să fiu exact aşa cum sunt, iar asta îmi dă libertatea de a mă bucura de mine şi de ceilalţi.

Inima mea iubeşte. Mă simt Vie. Şi sunt recunoscătoare pentru asta.

Din inimă,
Ram

What does 'everything' mean?

2010-03-11T03:45:00.006+02:00

Mind is excluding, heart is including...

With these words on the background of my mind, I remembered something that I wrote a while ago:

When you say to your lover 'You are everything to me' bear in mind that it means she/he is the joy in your heart, the smile on your face AND the pain in your ass...

This came while thinking about what 'everything' really means… Because I believe that when you say 'everything' it doesn’t mean 'everything except…' but it includes all the aspects – sweetness and bitterness the same.

I don’t believe in perfectly happy relationships where everything should always be ‘sweet’. After all, sweetness brings sensations of nurturing, caring, caressing and consolation, love and protection, but too much sweetness leads to stagnation, indolence and idleness.

And though bitterness might be associated with pain and suffering, the ‘bitterness of life’, it also has the quality of helping one to detach of its strong emotions (like anger, pride, grimness, revolt…) and to look at the situation in a new, detached, neutral way.

So everything is here with a purpose and we can learn from everything, if remaining open to it. Awareness is what makes the difference.

Love,
Ram

Ce înseamnă 'totul'?

Mintea exclude, inima include...

Cu aceste cuvinte plutindu-mi prin minte, mi-am amintit ceva ce am scris cu o vreme în urmă:

Când îi spui iubitului/iubitei 'Tu eşti totul pentru mine' ţine seama că asta înseamnă că el/ea îţi este bucuria din inimă, zâmbetul de pe faţă dar ŞI durerea din fund...

Iar asta a venit în timp ce mă gândeam la ce înseamnă cu adevărat 'totul'... Pentru că eu cred că atunci când spui 'totul' nu înseamnă 'totul cu excepţia...' ci include toate aspectele - dulce şi amar la fel.

Nu cred în relaţii perfecte în care trebuie să fie tot o fericire şi numai 'dulce'. Până la urmă, dulcele aduce senzaţia de hrănire, grijă, mângâiere şi consolare, iubire şi protecţie, dar prea mult dulce provoacă stagnare, indolenţă şi lene.

Şi, deşi amarul poate fi asociat uşor cu durere şi suferinţă, cu 'amărăciunea vieţii', are şi calitatea de a te ajuta să te detaşezi de emoţii puternice (ca furie, mândrie, asprime, revoltă... ) şi să priveşti situaţia într-un mod nou, neutru, detaşat.

Aşa că tot ce este aici are un sens şi putem învăţa de la orice, dacă rămânem deschişi către. Gradul de conştienţă este cel care face diferenţa...

Din inimă,
Ram

Until we are no more

2010-03-08T17:04:00.001+02:00

In this life
I am nothing but a wave.
Rising... falling...
Until I'm one with the Ocean.
Until I'm nothing but the Ocean.
Until I am no more.

In this Now
I am a wave
You are the Ocean.
Until I'll be your Ocean.
And you will be my wave.
Until we are at same.
Until we are no more.

Love,

Ram

Things I learned from the men I loved

2010-03-02T01:16:00.003+02:00

I would be tempted to say that in relationships I learned to love. But this is not quite true… Love was in my heart all the time, it just needed space to grow and manifest.

With every relationship I learned about what I want, I discovered about myself, about being a woman, about the dynamics between woman and man. And so much more…

I learned that play and laughter are like spices for a couple's life. That you can say a lot about a couple if they laugh together.

I learned to control my body in such a way that not even a muscle was moving or reacting. Now I'm learning that, with the right touch, my body can play amazing symphonies.

I've learned to listen to my body, to pay attention to the physical symptoms, to understand them and therefore let the healing happen.

Nothing good can come out of pushing. Man needs freedom. He cannot be a man otherwise.

I've learned that I can posses nothing and no one... Until I knew this, I knew great pain... But after, I knew great happiness...

Love needs space to grow in a man's heart... and that space name is Freedom.

Woman’s heart is an endless space... and that space name is Love.

When I drop the idea of being right, man is not wrong anymore.

Mind knows through grabbing, heart knows through surrendering.

If I don’t respect my needs, my values, myself, man can not respect them either.

Every time I feel I don’t have enough space is because I give up my space and disregard the healthy boundaries of being.

When I say ‘Yes’ just to please him, in fact I’m saying ‘No’ to myself. A strong, congruent ‘No’ is better than a weak ‘Yes’ and until you can say a total ‘No’, you can’t say a total ‘Yes’ either.

When there is love flowing freely, there’s no technique needed.

As strange as it might sounds, I learned that man is man and woman is woman. They are different. And it’s good that way. Since then, I stopped competing with man and togetherness became possible.

To keep it clear, three things are vital: communication, communication and, of course, communication!

Nothing is for granted. Change is always present.

Planning for the next 10 years might become a burden too hard to carry. Enjoying each day instead, might actually make those 10 years become a possible exciting journey.

Punishing the man who’s now in my life doesn’t heal the past. Forgiveness and acceptance does. Through forgiving and accepting the past, I love who I am now. So loving the man becomes possible too.

Woman cannot totally relax when being with man if she’s not relaxed with her and her femininity. No matter if it’s emotional, mental, physical or sexual relaxation. And when relaxation comes, many things can flower. Including yourself :)

Man doesn’t want to sleep with his (beer) budy. He wants to sleep next to a woman. This means feminine, softness, gentleness, sweetness, tenderness…

Even what you love most can become a prison, if you get attached to it.

No forcing is necessary when it clicks. If it clicks, it clicks. Effortlessly.

Touching with awareness heals. So does love and acceptance.

Sometimes you speak calm, sometimes you shout, sometimes you are just silent. It doesn't matter which one it is, if you do it with love.

I am responsible for my heart. He is responsible for his heart. This is how we have space to meet.

Togetherness and aloneness are like breathing in and out. It can't be one without the other.

Nothing is to be taken personally. Not even love.

........

This is one post that I can just go on writing. But I'll stop here, for now. Stop writing of course, not learning... Cause learning continues each day, each moment.

Love,
Ram

Trusting Life

2010-02-24T11:32:00.006+02:00

From time to time I go to Osho's website and try a single card. A Zen Tarot card to inspire my day, my moment.

Not even a month ago I was asking myself 'Where is Life taking me now?' with no idea of a precise answer but just trust. (http://talesofalovingheart.blogspot.com/2010/02/being-woman.html)
Yesterday I wrote about omens, about moments of taking the jump into unknown, about trusting life...

So today, when I saw this card, Trust, telling that 'now is the moment to be a bungee jumper without the cord', it was one of those moments when everything just stops and time and space are infinite, in an instant that could as well be an eternity.

Then I said... OK. Seems that change is here again. It is time for me to take another jump? Is it time to move on? Where to?
I don't know, but I'm curious to find out :)) And since it already happened so many times, I kind of learned to trust the process. To trust life. Just as this card is saying:

Don't waste your life for that which is going to be taken away. Trust life. If you trust, only then can you drop your knowledge, only then can you put your mind aside. And with trust, something immense opens up. Then this life is no longer ordinary life, it becomes full of God, overflowing.

When the heart is innocent and the walls have disappeared, you are bridged with infinity. And you are not deceived; there is nothing that can be taken away from you. That which can be taken away from you is not worth keeping, and that which cannot be taken away from you... why should one be afraid of its being taken away? It cannot be taken away, there is no possibility. You cannot lose your real treasure.

Osho The Sun Rises in the Evening Chapter 9

Commentary:

Now is the moment to be a bungee jumper without the cord! And it is this quality of absolute trust, with no reservations or secret safety nets, that the Knight of Water demands from us.

There is a tremendous sense of exhilaration if we can take the jump and move into the unknown, even if the idea scares us to death. And when we take trust to the level of the quantum leap, we don't make any elaborate plans or preparations. We don't say, "Okay, I trust that I know what to do now, and I'll settle my things and pack my suitcase and take it with me." No, we just jump, with hardly a thought for what happens next. The leap is the thing, and the thrill of it as we free-fall through the empty sky.

The card gives a hint here, though, about what waits for us at the other end - a soft, welcoming, yummy pink, rose petals, juicy...c'mon!

What can I say but... Thank you :)
Let life be lived! Let the adventure go on! :))))

Love,
Ram

Butterflies are good omens

2010-02-23T16:37:00.006+02:00

I am listening to this man I love. He's talking about his work, with enthusiasm and curiosity and desire to make things function better, with love for people, with creativity and craziness and presence and flow... especially presence and flow... He's talking about the very good results he's having, about the CEO being happy and content, appreciating his work.

Yet, he wants something else. Sometimes a thought is coming to my mind... "You're so good in what you're doing, why not just doing it?" Then again, I understand that no matter how good you are in what you're doing, if there's still a calling inside for something else, you're not living your purpose yet, your heart has not found its desire.

I remember this one day, a Monday, I was in the subway going to the office job I had back then. At that time I was already having NLP weekends as the second job. The weekend before this one Monday, I just had my first NLP workshop, not as assistant in NLP Practitioner groups which I was doing since quite some months, but as co-trainer with a colleague. It was a Saturday workshop where only 4 people came :) and yet, I was not disappointed and I had that workshop with the same energy and enthusiasm as if they were 20 people in that room. At the end of the day, people told me they were impressed we haven't canceled the day and they felt they received, each, something precious from that day.
While going to office that Monday I opened a book. And first thing I read was this question:

"What do you love to do so much that, instead of being paid, you would even pay to do it?"

And I cried there, in the subway, knowing that I just found my 'thing'. The money from the 4 people didn't covered all the expenses, and yet I was so happy, so peaceful, so fulfilled and grateful... It was a confirmation that my work in this life is with people.

Since then, years have passed and the form of my work might have changed, took different shapes, went more deeper to connection from soul to soul. I don't know what future lays ahead of me. I don't know what or when changes might come again. But I still feel the silence, the peace within when I work with people, for their wholeness, to my wholeness as well.

I know I'm a small puzzle piece in a bigger image and when time came for me to move on, I did. So how could I not understand him when wanting something else, when wanting to leave the safe place and go into unknown, try the new? I remember how many times did I jumped into unknown... letting safeness behind and just jumping... Without knowing what is there waiting for me, and still taking the jump just because I felt I must! And what I can say now, is that I learned that what matters is not necessary What am I doing, but to do it whole heartedly.

If I jump into unknown, then I have to jump with full trust. If I choose to step on 'safe ground', then again I have to step trustfully. I see this coming along with maturity. Not jumping because wanting to escape from, but because it is the way in this present moment. Jumping being aware of the jump and the consequences that might come, and still jump trustfully. Not stepping on 'safe grounds' because fear of change, but because it is the way in this present moment. Being aware of the action as well of the fact I will face consequences of my own action.

There's a saying of Osho... If you don't know where your heart is, just jump, and in this jumping your heart will start beating so fast, there's not going to be any problem in finding it. I must admit this saying got me with some big nasty bruises until I got its meaning :))

Sometimes jump is the way. Other times just wait and be still is the way. Sometimes I was so blinded by omens that I did not saw what was really happening. And sometimes I totally ignored the omens because I wanted to 'create that reality'.

Each moment enfolds its own way. And I think flowing is about taking each moment as it is, with its own way. I used to feel I don't have enough time to do everything so I rushed in, stupidly, many times.

Now I know there's a time for everything... Just be willing and open for everything coming your way, trusting that it comes in the precise form you need it, in this precise moment you need it.

In the end, everything is so simple, that the complicated mind cannot but remained puzzled and amazed in front of this simplicity of life.

Love,
Ram

My life manifest

2010-02-09T11:18:00.003+02:00

A dear friend asked me to write to him what is my mission and my vision for this life. I thank him for this question and I'm writing it here.

I'm walking in this life a path of service. I'm stepping on it with love in my heart and respect for Life, in a gentle and kind way, while learning to remain true to my being.

I have the vision of a world where people relate from a space of love and respect towards themselves and others. A world where hearts are open, embracing each moment with their true nature.

I believe that when people know what is their talent, when people find out what is that unique gift they bring into this world, competition becomes collaboration and we all can contribute to this world of living with love, kindness and respect.

I believe it is in my mission to be a part of this world and to participate in creating it. And this is what I do each day, through my work, through my being.

A while ago, I wrote down how I want my life to be. Or, better said, what I chose to make out of this life I'm living now. So here it is:

My life manifest

:)

Awareness. That’s the first thing coming to my mind. My life is a great opportunity to bring awareness in everything I do, I say, I feel, I act, I think, I create….

Love. Everything I do, I do it with love, from love and for the sake of love. Love towards myself and love towards all the human beings. Love towards all the living creatures and love to this planet Earth. Love to the whole Universe and to everything that is. Love for Life.

Happiness and joy. I create realities that bring happiness and joy in my life and in the lives of all people I’m interacting with.

Sunshine. Sunshine is a place inside me as well as outside me. Every day I let myself be cherished, loved, nurtured, embraced, healed, warmed by the sunshine, wherever that is.

Meaning and service. Everything I do, think or feel has a meaning and is aligned with the Greater Wisdom that created me and with this life purpose. I offer myself and my all to Existence, to live a life with meaning and in service of humanity.

Health. All my actions and thoughts generate physical, emotional, spiritual health. If something unhealthy for body, mind or spirit comes my way, I just say thank you and easily release it.

Abundance and prosperity. I open myself to receive each moment all the resources that I need and all that I want and ask for. I chose to live now in a stream of abundance and prosperity.

Gratitude, meditation, stillness and inner peace. I start each day by thanking God for this life and for everything in it. I meditate each day and connect with that place inside me, in the very center of my being, endlessly silent, where stillness and peace is, where All is.

Music and dance. I’m listening the music that the Universe is singing and I am dancing my way through life.

Inspiration. I live each day in inspiration and I receive the flow of life. I spend each day moments just being with myself, connected with my inner source of inspiration that comes from aligning me with the Divine Wisdom.

Nature. I belong to nature and nature is my teacher. I live in total harmony with nature and each day I take some time to go out and just be, breathe, love and honor the Nature and Mother Earth. And by this, I respect my own nature.

Freedom. I have the freedom to live my life the way I chose each moment. I am free to be who I am.

And so it is. And so shall be.

Love,
Ram

Waves can't fool the Ocean

2010-02-08T02:36:00.001+02:00

Waves are waves. Waves can't fool the ocean, nor themselves. They come and go. And the wave's watcher knows every second that it will pass too.
Waves don't stop. They come and go and come again. Wave can't fool the Ocean. Ocean doesn't think that wave has left and won't ever come back.
Ocean simply knows. Believes. Doesn't think.

Closeness is the same. Togetherness is the same.
They come and go and come again.
And you can't fool Love, nor yourself.
Love simply is. Believes. Doesn't think.

Love,
Ram

Reflections

2010-02-04T00:26:00.004+02:00

She’s hovering around me. Showing her teeth. She comes out and grabs my throat. Ruthlessly. With her grin. With her cynicism. She’s dancing around me saying all kind. She laughs inside my soul and asks…

Do you really believe?
Are you really worthy?
It’s going to hurt. Again.
Can you catch It in your hand?
Is It real?
Go away. Run.
I will cover you.
I'll be your excuse.
Run while you still have time.
Trussst me.
Only I can protect you.
Only I can make you unseen.
Untouchable.
So small that no one can reach you.
Loose the essence and loose yourself in details…
Loose yourself.
Loose yourself to me…

I can’t breathe. I take one step back. Another one. And another one.

I see better now, don't I? And I have more space to breathe… I breathe connecting with the love inside. With the strength inside.

I start sniffing. What is this smell? It's so familiar, this stink...

I become a mirror… I’m hovering around her. I show her my teeth. I have teeth too, you know? She has throat too. I too can grin ruthlessly. And I have a voice too… I shout and throw myself into her. Totally.

When to grab it, she’s no more.

I breathe, I hug myself and whisper to me…

Sshhh…
It was only her, the Fear. She got old you know since she’s hovering around you. She's not that powerful anymore.
And you grew up, my dear.

I’m breathing. I’m smiling. I’m a Big Girl now.

Where’s the Fear to snatch it?

Love,
Ram

Reflecţii

Îmi dă târcoale. Îşi arată colţii. Iese şi se prinde-n beregata mea. Nemiloasă. Cu rânjetul ei. Cu cinismul ei. Dansează în jurul meu şi-mi zice de tot felul. Îmi râde în suflet şi mă-ntreabă…

Chiar crezi?
Chiar meriţi?
O să doară. Iar.
Poţi să prinzi cu mâna?
E real?
Pleacă. Fugi.
Te acopăr eu.
O să fiu scuza ta.
Fugi cât mai ai timp.
Ai încredere în mine.
Doar eu te pot proteja.
Doar eu te pot face de nevăzut.
De neatins.
Atât de mică încât nimeni să nu poată ajunge la tine.
Pierde esenţa şi pierde-te-n detalii...
Pierde-te.
Pierde-te mie…

Nu pot să respir. Dau un pas înapoi. Încă unul. Şi încă unul.

Parcă văd mai bine acum? Şi am mai mult spaţiu să respir… Respir şi mă conectez cu iubirea din mine. Cu forţa din mine.

Încep să adulmec. A ce-mi miroase aici? Mi-e aşa de cunoscută duhoarea asta...

Devin oglindă… Îi dau târcoale. Îmi arăt colţii. Am şi eu colţi. Are şi ea beregată. Am şi eu rânjet nemilos. Am şi grai… Urlu şi mă arunc în ea. Total.

Când s-o prind, nu mai era.

Respir, mă iau în braţe şi-mi şoptesc:

Sshhh…
Era doar ea, Frica. A-mbătrânit de când tot dă târcoale. Nu mai e aşa puternică.
Iar tu ai crescut, draga mea.

Respir, zâmbesc. M-am facut Om Mare.

Unde-i Frica să o-nşfac?

Din inimă,
Ram

Being a Woman

2010-02-02T17:28:00.003+02:00

These are precious times when I'm discovering a lot about me as a woman, through relating with a man.

Last week we met. Intense beautiful meeting. Again. Moments full of just being, of gentleness, of openness, of fun and laughter, of freedom and shared love.

In a moment when I really opened in love, I could feel there is a space inside me that belongs to the man. Like it is the man’s home from inside me. A space that it is not to be filled with feminine but with masculine. Realizing this and just allowing him to be inside this space, I felt I am Woman. I felt I am Love. I felt I surrender to the womanhood inside me. I felt I am flowering and flowering and flowering.
There was no fight with this, no resistance, just giving and receiving. Inviting him to freely be in this space. And the energy was naturally flowing into the heart, having the consistence of honey, and when reaching the heart… heart was flowering and flowering and flowering… It was not me doing anything, not me moving the energy intentionally through breathing or else… it was just flowing. And that made me feel fulfilled as never in this life, as I was opening and allowing all these to happen, having no control on anything but trust.

I feel like I experienced the yin-yang exactly as in the symbol. Just like in the yin part there is a small circle of yang and in the yang part there is a small circle of yin, in perfect balance, I was the yin embracing that yang circle inside me. I was the Woman receiving the Man. Simple and beautiful.
No coincidence that it happened after I balanced these energies inside me, after I embraced them both as being mine. The outer is reflecting me, once again, what is already inside…

Another special moment happened when I was truly living my nature as being Love and he was there, pure presence, living his nature as Freedom and we were deeply connected… That moment it was Love and Freedom together and it happened when we both were authentic to who we are, when I was Woman and he was Man. The more man he was and the more woman I was, the natural our togetherness was, the perfect our union was.

And now, when I write, it comes to me that yes, for me it is true: freedom comes from love, as I am woman and my nature is love. So when I live my true nature, only then I am free. But man’s nature is freedom. So maybe for him is the other way round: love comes from freedom. When man is free, when he lives his true nature, only then love can flower in him.

Then why do I sometimes feel shocked? Because I am not used to this. It is new. Very very new. The system doesn’t recognize all these so it is in shock. Not huge one :) but still… the general state of mind is… not knowing. A big not knowing.

I feel I am adjusting on this new way of being. Confusion is here but also awareness. I see it is a process going on with me and him as well. What will happen when this process of coming into being will end? I don’t know… sometimes I’m curious to find out, sometimes not even curious. I feel the important thing to acknowledge now and to give space to, is this growth that is happening. And as much as something in me would love this connection to last, because it is so good, so beautiful, so amazing, that wisdom within knows that it will end when its ending time will come. Because what has a beginning, has a middle and an end too. I did not forced the beginning, it happened by being present in the right time and in the right moment. What is now, again, it is not forced to be, it just flows. So I’m not forcing the end to come either. Instead, I trust the process. I trust my inner wisdom and I trust God.

When I came home, I was looking out from my window and the question came… Where is life taking me now? I don’t know, but it’s new. I see it like until now I was crawling, walking like a baby with the hands on the ground too, not being able to stand on my own two feet. And now, since taking responsibility for my own pain and for my own life and for the process I’m in, I stood up and start walking like an adult. Not like a baby that needs others to take care, but like an adult, carrying my scars and my gifts too. I see it’s the beginning of this path, the beginning of my maturity. The spring of the woman. The noon of this life.

Lot of other things happened in a different way than before. Like not stepping into drama in situations in which I would have done it in the past, not feeling rejected when I felt him not present and he confirmed it, sensing the difference between ‘being’ and ‘performing’ and therefore stopped performing, expressing the thoughts, the feelings, the emotions, seeing my needs and taking care of them, being there for him but not taking him on my shoulders, showing myself as I am with no shame involved, not sending hooks but giving space, surrendering myself to the womanhood inside, to the love I feel, to the woman I can be and not to him as he would own me, not trying to DO something for him to feel better but connecting again and again with my heart and taking my power not from his presence but from my heart.

Indeed these are new times and I thank for each moment.

Love,
Ram

I am

2010-02-02T07:53:00.002+02:00

I'm in the world
The world is me
I'm inside me
I see myself
Earth breathes in me
flesh is of trees and flowers
bones are rocks
sea is waving through blood
and air is the space between cells...

My eyes are gates
towards this Universe inside

I close my eyes
I open the inner Viewer
I see the miracle
The wonder of this Being
Sky is my inner skin
Stars are my cells
Sun shines in my heart
and moon is resting in my womb

In the silent dance of my inner watery garden
I'm a floating spark.
I float.
I am.

Love,
Ram

Lovers talking...

2010-01-31T21:57:00.004+02:00

Do you need space?
I have all the space I need.
I love you.
Yes, this is what I meant.

Love,
Ram

Ai nevoie de spaţiu?
Am tot spaţiul de care am nevoie.
Te iubesc.
Da, asta am vrut să spun.

Din inimă,
Ram

When...

2010-01-21T01:56:00.004+02:00

When you find yourself amazed and speechless
yet the dance inside won't stop
When you find your heart warm and infinite
embracing existence with its all
When your smile reaches the sky
and your eyes are glittering all day
When your voice is soften
and inside all is in peace

When the words are useless
cause all you hear is silence
When each moment is infinity
of becoming endless Now
When each single sound is so rich
that it has turn into a song
When you can't taste anything sweet
Cause all the sweetness is inside

When the emptiness inside
is filling every cell
When in just one breath
you hold eternity
When even a blade of grass
is a mystery to you
And the spaciousness inside
is wider than the sky

When the dawn is shapeless
of taking the beloved shape
When the morning sun wakes you up
bringing you the beloved smile
When you melt inside a moment
that's becoming the beloved embrace
And the presence that you feel
has the beloved fragrance

When your mind is thoughtless
and your heart has found its peace
In the wonder of your soul
In the sweetness of your smile
In the stillness of your being...
You, my soul
Know that love has found you
And Home is where you are!

Love,
Ram

Speak, my heart

2010-01-19T00:36:00.002+02:00

Speak, my heart
Speak
And let the world know your journey
Tales of love
and wisdom
Tales of pain
and tears
Tales of magic
and fairies
Speak out
your love
your beauty
your sensibility
the mystery
the treasures
hidden deep inside
the longings
the turmoils
and the makings
that brought you back Home.
Let yourself be seen,
my heart,
with the gentleness
the softness
the sweetness
and frailty...
Let your colors
be sang
Let your fragrance
be seen
Let your essence
be tasted...
Let your fire purify
Let your light heal
Let your waters run still
And in the silence of your core
as fragile as you are
as strong as you are
Speak, my heart
Speak
And let the world know your journey…

Love,
Ram

Nothing to do... No where to go...

2010-01-17T22:43:00.007+02:00

Tonight I don't miss you.
Tonight I don't want you.

Tonight
I just love you and hold you in my heart.
Tonight
I'm contemplating your smile and the universe that opens in your eyes when looking in mine.
Tonight...
I'm just flowing through the corners of your being...

With nothing to do... No where to go...

Just being... relaxing... breathing...

Tonight I don't want you...
I just love you and hold you in my heart...

Love,
Ram

Journey to my heart

2010-01-16T01:20:00.005+02:00

Openness, sway, floating, caress, embrace, colors, velvetness, wonder, treasures, love, mystery, nourishment, lightness, shineness, joy, warmth, aliveness, gratitude… all here, inside my heart. In the underwater garden of my heart.

My heart takes sound. The sound takes voice. I hear myself singing my heart. Singing its motion, its floating, its sparkling, its dancing.

And you are here. As you’d be in your own home. You dive in my heart as it is your Home. And I’m receiving you. Looking at you. Contemplating. I’m melting. I’m merging. I’m rising.

I'm wondering. I’m surprised. I’m amazed.

I’m thanking.

I’m smiling.

I love my heart :)

Love,
Ram

So much magnificence...

Călătorie în inima mea

Deschidere, mişcare, plutire, mângâiere, îmbrăţişare, culori, catifelare, minune, comori, iubire, mister, hrănire, lumină, strălucire, bucurie, căldură, viaţă, recunoştinţă… toate aici, în inima mea. În grădina subacvatică a inimii mele.

Inima mea capătă sunet. Sunetul capătă voce. Mă aud cântându-mi inima. Cântându-i mişcarea, plutirea, scânteierea, dansul.

Iar tu eşti aici. Ca la tine acasă. Înoţi în inima mea de parcă ar fi Acasa ta. Iar eu te primesc. Te privesc. Te admir. Mă topesc. Mă contopesc. Ţâşnesc.

Mă mir. Mă surprind. Mă minunez.

Mulţumesc.

Zâmbesc.

Îmi iubesc inima :)

Din inimă,
Ram

Instead of I love you

2010-01-14T18:27:00.008+02:00

Good beautiful things are happening now inside me :)

I’m exploring this space within where love is, where warm is, where is flowering and growing, where silence and joy are together, where creativity flows and dance is instantly happening…

The space where I find my aliveness, my passion, my sensuality, the tenderness and gentleness too…

The space where smile is the seed, laughter is the flower and spontaneous happiness is its fruit…

A space of strength, of moving rootedness, of connectivity, where there is no mask, no hiding, where sincerity is the soul's magic mirror…

A space where smile feeds on smile, love feeds on love, freedom feeds on freedom… naturally, effortlessly, joyously…

A space of deep silence and gratitude, of song and celebration…

And maybe the first thing I would have done in the past it would have been to conclude with 'I love you', thinking that it’s something great in giving you my love, without realizing the ‘load’ and the pressure that comes with it.

Now I choose not to project this space on you. Now I choose to let you free of my expectations. Now I’m free to be me, just as you’re free to be you.

Now I’m delighting myself in this space, I’m breathing in it, I’m letting it be.

Now I just hold this space and open it for you. I invite you in. So you also have the freedom to choose, to step in, to explore, as well as to step out when you wish.

Now I can respect your pace, cause I learned to follow and respect my own pace, my inner rhythm.

Thank you, darling, for awakening this space inside me.

I am open. And you are welcomed.

Love,
Ram

În loc de Te iubesc

Tare frumoase mai sunt lucrurile de se întâmplă acum în fiinţa mea :)

Mă găsesc explorând acest spaţiu interior unde este iubire, unde este căldură, creştere şi înflorire, unde tăcerea şi bucuria sunt împreună, unde creativitatea curge şi dansul se întâmplă instantaneu…

Spaţiul în care îmi regăsesc vitalitatea, pasiunea, senzualitatea, tandreţea şi blândeţea de asemenea…

Spaţiul în care zâmbetul este sămânţa, râsul este floarea iar fericirea spontană este fructul…

Un spaţiu de putere, de înrădăcinare mobilă, conectare, unde nu este nicio mască, unde nu este ascundere, unde sinceritatea este oglinda magică a sufletului…

Un spaţiu în care zâmbetul hrăneşte zâmbet, iubirea hrăneşte iubire, libertatea hrăneşte libertate… în mod natural, fără efort, cu bucurie…

Un spaţiu de linişte profundă şi gratitudine, de cântec şi sărbătoare…

Şi poate că primul lucru pe care l-aş fi făcut în trecut ar fi fost să ajung la concluzia 'Te iubesc', crezând că e ceva minunat şi măreţ în a-ţi dărui iubirea, fără a realiza încărcătura şi presiunea care vin la pachet.

Acum aleg să nu proiectez acest spaţiu asupra ta. Acum aleg să te las liber de aşteptările mele. Acum sunt liberă să fiu eu, aşa cum tu eşti liber să fii tu.

Acum mă delectez în acest spaţiu, respir în el, îi dau voie să fie.

Acum pur şi simplu susţin acest spaţiu şi îl deschid pentru tine. Te invit înăuntru. Astfel încât să ai libertatea de a alege, de a păşi în acest spaţiu, de a explora, de a păşi în afara lui când doreşti.

Acum pot să respect ritmul tău, pentru că am învăţat să îmi urmez şi să respect propriul ritm.

Îţi mulţumesc, dragule, că ai trezit în mine acest spaţiu care acum este deschis şi în care tu eşti binevenit.

Din inimă,
Ram

Freedom comes from Love

2010-01-04T01:40:00.005+02:00

I lived an important part of my life believing that love and freedom cannot go together. I ended up relationships where there was still love in my heart, because I wanted to be free again. I was so strongly believing that I cannot have freedom when I experience love within a couple and that I cannot love when I live my freedom, because for me to live both love and freedom in the same time was not possible. So I ran away from deep, profound love and intimacy, fearing that I could lose my freedom.

Sometimes I was blessed enough to touch a kind of intimacy but when I got there I was so not ready for it and it was so much, so… overwhelming, that either I ran away, either he ran away, not knowing how to deal with something this deep, this vast, as intimacy.

Part of the journey might be about learning how to get to intimacy, but for sure the secret of happiness for me it is about learning to accept intimacy and just be with it, not doing something, but taste it, breath it… The problem is that for the mind it can be so easily confused with losing one self that it might become too scary. And in one way it is - because there's no mind anymore, no ego, no sense of self… there comes the Being, the one's true nature.

Until the day I've felt inside my being that Freedom comes from Love. It is not Love that wants to grab, to hold, to keep or to tie down. When this happens, it is Fear in action, not Love. Love can exist and grow only in a space of allowance, of letting be.

Both Love and Freedom are intrinsic states and therefore cannot be lost. Both are inner states and do not come from outer sources. And once you find them inside, where the real source is, you simply can’t lose them anymore.

So I discovered there is freedom to be myself as well as freedom to give my partner the space he needs to be himself. I discovered that the more I take the freedom to be myself, the more natural is for me that the partner also can be free to manifest himself just as he is.

I discovered there is freedom to say Yes and freedom to say No. Freedom to accept Yes and freedom to accept No.

Freedom to love and show myself as I am, with both light and shadow, with strength and vulnerability as well, with moments of beauty and ugliness also, with innocence and wisdom, with anger as well as love, with my aloneness and withdrawals within myself and also with the openness and expansion towards others…

Freedom to love and accept the partner as he is, with both light and shadow, with strength and vulnerability as well, with moments of beauty and ugliness also, with innocence and wisdom, with anger as well as love, with aloneness and withdrawals within himself and also with the openness and expansion towards others…

Then each has a space to grow, being alone and, in the same time, together. Then intimacy can happen. Then intimacy has a space to be there, between two individuals, between a man and a woman.

And all these can happen only when you come to love yourself. Until that moment, there's not so much of a freedom, isn't it?

Love,
Ram

Libertatea vine din Iubire

Am trait o mare parte din viata crezand ca iubirea si libertatea nu pot fi impreuna. Am terminat relatii in care inca simteam iubire in inima mea, doar pentru ca am vrut sa fiu libera iar. Am crezut atat de tare ca nu pot avea libertate intr-o relatie si ca nu pot sa iubesc cand sunt libera, pur si simplu pentru ca, pentru mine, sa traiesc in acelasi timp si iubire si libertate nu era posibil. Asa ca am fugit de intimitate si iubire profunda, de frica sa nu cumva sa-mi pierd libertatea.

Cateodata am fost destul de binecuvantata sa traiesc un soi de intimitate, dar cand am ajuns in acel moment, eram atat de nepregatita pentru asta si era atat de mult, atat de... coplesitor, incat fie am fugit eu, fie a fugit el, nestiind cum sa fim in fata a ceva atat de adanc, atat de vast, ca intimitatea.

Poate ca parte din calatorie este despre a invata cum sa ajungi la intimitate, dar cu siguranta secretul fericirii pentru mine este sa invat sa accept intimitatea si doar sa fiu, fara sa fac nimic, decat sa o gust, sa o respir... Problema este ca, pentru minte, poate fi foarte usor confundat cu a te pierde pe tine si poate deveni infricosator. Si intr-un fel chiar asa este - pentru ca mintea nu mai este, nici egoul... in intimitate apare a Fi, adevarata natura a fiintei.

Pana in ziua in care am simtit in interiorul meu ca Libertatea vine din Iubire. Nu Iubirea este cea care vrea sa apuce, sa tina, sa pastreze sau sa lege. Cand se intampla asta, este Frica in actiune, nu Iubirea. Iubirea poate exista si creste doar intr-un spatiu de a permite, de a lasa sa fie.

Iubirea si Libertatea sunt stari intrinsece si, prin urmare, nu pot fi pierdute. Ambele sunt stari interioare si nu vin din surse exterioare. Iar odata ce le-ai gasit inauntru, unde este adevarata sursa, pur si simplu nu le mai poti pierde.

Asa am descoperit ca am libertatea de a fi eu insami ca si libertatea de a-i da partenerului spatiul de care are nevoie sa fie el insusi. Am descoperit ca, pe masura ce imi dau libertatea de a fi eu insami, cu atat mai natural imi pare ca si partenerul sa fie liber sa se manifeste asa cum e.

Am gasit libertatea de a spune Da si libertatea de a spune Nu. Libertatea de a accepta Da si libertatea de accepta Nu.

Libertatea de a ma iubi si a ma arata asa cum sunt, cu lumina si intuneric, cu forta si vulnerabilitate de asemenea, cu momente de frumusete dar si de uratenie, cu inocenta si intelepciune, cu furie ca si cu iubire, cu singuratatea mea si cu momentele de retragere si de asemenea cu deschiderea si expansiunea catre ceilalti...

Libertatea de a iubi si accepta partenerul asa cum este, cu lumina si intuneric, cu forta si vulnerabilitate de asemenea, cu momente de frumusete dar si de uratenie, cu inocenta si intelepciune, cu furie ca si cu iubire, cu singuratatea lui si cu momentele de retragere si de asemenea cu deschiderea si expansiunea catre ceilalti...

Astfel, fiecare are spatiu sa creasca, fiind singuri si, in acelasi timp, impreuna. Astfel, intimitatea se poate intampla. Astfel, intimitatea are spatiu sa fie acolo, intre doi indivizi, intre un barbat si o femeie.

Si toate acestea se pot intampla numai cand ajungi sa te iubesti pe tine. Pana in acel moment, nu prea e cine stie ce libertate, nu-i asa?

Din inima,
Ram

My neverending story - reloaded :))

2010-01-03T16:07:00.004+02:00

Last year on my birthday I was writing what I called then 'My neverending story':

The more I open, the more I learn.
The more I learn, the more I discover.
The more I discover, the deeper I go.
The deeper I go, the more I heal.
The more I heal, the sensitive I become.
The sensitive I become, the more vulnerable I am.
The more vulnerable I am, the more awareness I have.
The more aware, the more I feel.
The more I feel, the more Love flows.
The more Love flows, the more I open.
The more I open…
Shit!
Here it comes again!!!!!

Of course there's a reason why I remembered this now. What I wrote there is still true, except the end of it. Cause I see Life's offering me a chance to re-write the story. To see there're also other options.

Yes, Life is happening in cycles, yet we don't have to do the same again and again, don't we?

So instead of saying 'Shit! Here it comes again!!!!!'

I say now...

Welcome!
I am exploring this moment just as it is
a New moment!

And already new choices have been made. They say you can't step twice in the same river. So how can it come again? I am not the same, how can it be the same?

Indeed love is the key that leads to awareness. And I'm happy and grateful when experiencing both.

Love,
Ram

Kissing frogs can turn you into a prince/princess

2009-12-30T19:59:00.003+02:00

Love, trust and openness go hand in hand. You can’t have one without the other. In a safe space you can start trusting and once you trust, you can open yourself… and when you open yourself, love can start growing inside your heart. The seed that you carry within your heart can sprout and reach out to the sun.

I’ve learned something about this safe space in the last 3 days. Yes, it matters what I receive from the outer and from the other ones, yet this safe space is inside me and it can not really come from anywhere else. I’ve learned that it can be so easily wiped out by fear or anger or overreactions and that it takes motivation and conscious choice to connect myself with this safe space and to stay and act within it.

I’ve learned the importance of not remaining stucked in a behavior when relating to someone, may that be labeled as ‘good’ or ‘bad’, that really going beyond words and behaviors can lead to soul-to-soul connection. And things tend to happen a lot more easily starting from here.

I've learned that beautiful things can happen between a man and a woman when being sincere to them selves. That life is a dance and when stepping on the dance partner's toes you don't just give up dancing, but say I'm sorry, pay attention and go on.

I’ve learned, again, that love is in my heart, not somewhere else. It starts from there, by trusting and opening and, most of all, by being aware.

That if the pieces of the puzzle are the right ones, they match together effortlessly.

And that, as this very dear soul to me quote from a book he's been reading, you have to kiss many frogs until you become a prince/princess :)

Love,
Priya

The Game

2009-12-27T00:46:00.004+02:00

I had a dream. And in that dream I received a message saying...

Life is a game. When you become excited about winning the game, you transform it into a battle and you forget about playing, about enjoying and having fun with it.
When tensions appear, it is a sign you’re not playing anymore but you’re fighting to win.
If you go back to the wisdom that lays within the innocence of a child, then you return yourself to joyfully, effortlessly playing The Game.

I don't know about you, but I'm packing now and fly off to the land of Santa Claus.

Smile :)

Love,
Priya

Jocul

Am visat. În vis am primit un mesaj care spunea...

Viaţa e un joc. Când te entuziasmezi că vrei să câştigi, îl transformi într-o luptă şi uiţi să te mai joci, să savurezi şi să te distrezi.
Când apar tensiuni, este un semn că nu te mai joci ci te lupţi să câştigi.
Dacă te întorci la înţelepciunea pe care o poţi găsi în inocenţa unui copil, atunci te întorci la a juca plin de bucurie, fără efort, Jocul.

Nu ştiu ce faci tu, dar eu acum împachetez şi zbor în ţinutul lui Moş Crăciun.

Zâmbeşte :)

Din inimă,
Priya

Thank you!

2009-12-25T14:44:00.002+02:00

Lately I’m giving myself much more time then I used to do. Time to be with myself, time to meditate, time to contemplate, time to breathe consciously, time to accept and embrace, time to… Be.

In one of these moments of just breathing and being, I realized that I can’t honor the person I am today without honoring my past. ‘Realized’, meaning really feeling this in the cells of my body. I can’t honor my past without honoring all the people that were a part of it. I can’t be really content with who I am now without thanking each one of those who I’ve met in this life… Either they are still a part of my life or they were only passing by at the crossing of our paths, each one brought me something, taught me something, showed me something… Each friendship, each relationship, each connection guided me more inwards to my heart, to the depths of my being.

And so I’m learning about the complexity of human being, about its beauty and grace, its turmoils and makings, its sensibility and vulnerability, pain and sorrows, about its amazing gift of forgiving and infinite capacity of love.

I used to express my gratitude towards the Universe, thinking that it is enough to thank God for everything I was receiving. I was saying to myself… ‘Why thank humans? I thank God, he’s the one making everything possible.’ That was when I didn’t yet rediscover that God is alive in each one of us and in everything else around.

So I learned to say ‘Thank you’. To the people that touched my life in one way or another, may that be shallow or deep, joyous or painful, I am now saying…

Thank you. You contributed to what I am today, in your special, unique way.

I take this time to honor you, to honor myself. To honor Life and Death the same. Cause it is all part of Existence.

Thank you!

Love,
Priya

Multumesc!

In ultimul timp imi daruiesc mult mai mult timp decat obisnuiam sa fac. Timp sa fiu cu mine, sa meditez, sa contemplu, timp sa respir constient, timp sa accept si sa imbratisez, timp sa… Fiu.

Intr-unul din aceste momente de a fi si a respira, mi-am dat seama ca nu pot onora persoana care sunt astazi fara a-mi onora trecutul. ‘Mi-am dat seama’ adica am simtit in celule, in tot corpul. Nu-mi pot onora trecutul, fara a onora toti oamenii care fac parte din acest trecut. Nu pot fi intr-adevar multumita cu cine sunt acum, fara a multumi fiecarui om intalnit in aceasta viata… Fie ca sunt in viata mea in continuare ori pur si simplu au fost in trecere la rascrucea drumurilor noastre, fiecare mi-a adus ceva, m-a invatat ceva, mi-a aratat ceva… Fiecare prietenie, fiecare relatie, fiecare conexiune m-a ghidat mai mult in interior catre inima mea, catre profunzimile fiintei mele.

Si astfel, invat despre complexitatea fiintei umane, despre frumusetea si gratia ei, despre tulburarile si facerile ei, despre sensibilitate si vulnerabilitate, despre dureri si regrete, despre uimitorul dar de a ierta si despre capacitatea infinita de a iubi.

Obisnuiam sa imi exprim recunostinta catre Univers, crezand ca este de ajuns sa ii multumesc lui Dumnezeu pentru tot ceea ce primesc. Imi spuneam… ‘De ce sa multumesc oamenilor? Ii multumesc lui Dumnezeu, care face ca totul sa fie posibil.’ Asta se intampla inainte sa redescopar ca Dumnezeu traieste in fiecare dintre noi si in tot ceea ce ne inconjoara.

Asa am invatat sa spun ‘Multumesc’. Celor care mi-au atins viata intr-un fel sau altul, fie superficial sau profund, cu bucurie ori durere, le spun acum…

Multumesc. In felul tau special, unic, ai contribuit la ceea ce sunt astazi.

Imi dau acest timp sa te onorez, sa ma onorez. Sa onorez Viata si Moartea deopotriva. Pentru ca totul este parte din Existenta.

Multumesc!

Din inima,
Priya

The message in the mirror

2009-12-22T16:12:00.002+02:00

I am here.
I see you.
You’re important to me.
I hear you.
I feel your heart.
I see your light.
I receive you.
I am open for you.
You are accepted and loved.
I know you.
You are so beautiful.
I trust in you.
You are OK.
Everything is going to be just fine.
I remember you.
You are safe, loved and nourished.
You belong.
You have a place in my heart.
You can trust me.
I honor you.
I love you.

I love myself.
I honor myself.
I can trust you.
I have a place in my heart.
I belong.
I am safe, loved and nourished.
I remember me.
Everything is going to be just fine.
I am OK.
I trust myself.
I am so beautiful.
I know myself.
I am accepted and loved.
I am open for me.
I receive myself.
I see my light.
I feel my heart.
I hear myself.
I am important for me.
I see myself.
I am here.

Love,
Priya

Mesajul din oglinda

Sunt aici.
Te vad.
Esti importanta pentru mine.
Te aud.
Iti simt inima.
Iti vad lumina.
Te primesc.
Sunt deschisa pentru tine.
Esti acceptata si iubita.
Te cunosc.
Esti atat de frumoasa.
Am incredere in tine.
Esti bine.
Totul va fi in regula.
Imi aduc aminte.
Esti in siguranta, iubita si hranita.
Apartii.
Ai un loc in inima mea.
Poti avea incredere in mine.
Te onorez.
Te iubesc.

Ma iubesc.
Ma onorez.
Pot avea incredere in tine.
Am un loc in inima mea.
Apartin.
Sunt in siguranta, iubita si hranita.
Imi aduc aminte.
Totul va fi in regula.
Sunt bine.
Am incredere in mine.
Sunt atat de frumoasa.
Ma cunosc.
Sunt acceptata si iubita.
Sunt deschisa pentru mine.
Ma primesc.
Imi vad lumina.
Imi simt inima.
Ma aud.
Sunt importanta pentru mine.
Ma vad.
Sunt aici.

Din inima,
Priya

∞

2009-12-22T03:15:00.005+02:00

What do you know without learning?

What can always be known
without
being seen
or touched
or smelled
or heard?

What can you find without searching?

What is unchanged
though in constant evolution?

What is your source without a source?

Love,
Priya

Longing for Home

2009-12-21T04:29:00.003+02:00

Some years ago I became aware of a terrible longing for Home. I didn’t know where my place is or where I belong and I was desperately wanting to find my ‘Home’. Even though I can say that I was searching before also, I think that was the moment when my search started to have shape, the shape of finding and returning Home. Now I realize it is more about re-finding, of remembering the path walked until here and now.

Although it is called ‘the illusion of separation’, this separation was real as long as I experimented it. It came from the separation my soul went through, when choosing to come into a human body to experience Life in its earthly side. The illusion came from immersing into the density of the matter, from identification with this body, with the flesh and bones that gives the soul human clothing.

The first memory I have coming from this experience it is the despair I felt when I suddenly ‘woke up’ in my mother’s womb… a space perceived as being much too dark, far too small and choking. The remembrance of the light, of the infinite spaciousness from Home, of the playing and joy from there, all it was so present and the difference so painful that I could hardly breathe. The only comfort was coming from the fact that it wouldn’t last long, that I would get out of there as soon as the body would have grow enough to leave that womb.

For me, leaving Home for taking shape in the physical manifestation was painful and this pain came from separation, from letting go being shapeless to enter into a limited physical body, as well as from forgetting the space of light and love from which the soul has came.

Yet, the soul has its own memory and, at one moment, the longing of Home can’t be hidden by any illusion… And so, my soul started the journey back, towards the love and light it came from. This is how the ‘awakening’ appeared. And the first thing to realize was that everything I live is an illusion, a game of experimenting, a game of learning, of remembering. In my way towards light I met again the pain… that pain of separation.

I rejected every time the pain when it appeared in my life, I fought with it, I rejected the people and the situations that caused pain, I revolted against it and them and life and God, keeping on asking Why? Why me? Why like this? Why AGAIN God? Why?

The Universe, patient as it is, it brought every time in my path new people, new situations, new occasions for me to say Yes to the pain inside me, to stop fighting with it, to embrace it. And it did it until avoiding pain became more painful than accepting it.

Now I realize that without embracing the pain experienced within the separation, I can’t return consciously Home and I can’t live consciously the nature of my soul… It is true, I remember and I Know that my soul comes from light and love and this means that I am light and love, if from light and love I came… yet, without embracing this pain as also being mine, I can’t take the step back in the space I came from and so, I’m not taking the final step into BEING, again, in a conscious way this time, light and love.

And you, dear fellow traveler? Where are you? What is the step to lead you Home?

Love,
Priya

Dorul de Acasa

La un moment dat, cu ceva ani in urma, am devenit constienta de un dor teribil de Acasa. Nu mai stiam care mi-e locul, unde apartin si imi doream cu disperare sa-mi gasesc ‘Acasa’ mea. Si, cu toate ca pot sa spun ca eram in cautari si pana atunci, acela cred ca a fost momentul in care cautarea mea a prins o forma, forma gasirii si intoarcerii Acasa. Acum imi dau seama ca este mai degraba vorba despre o regasire, de o reamintire a drumului facut pana aici.

Desi i se spune iluzia separarii, aceasta separare a fost reala atat timp cat am experimentat-o. A aparut din separarea prin care sufletul a trecut cand a ales sa vina intr-un corp omenesc prin care sa experimenteze Viata in aspectul ei pamantean. Iluzia a venit din cufundarea in densitatea materiei, din identificarea cu acest corp, cu carnea si oasele care ii ofera sufletului un invelis uman.

Prima amintire pe care o am din aceasta existenta este disperarea pe care am simtit-o cand m-am ‘trezit’ dintr-o data in uterul mamei… un spatiu perceput ca fiind mult prea intunecat, mult prea mic si inecacios. Amintirea luminii, a infinitatii spatiului de Acasa, a jocului si a bucuriei de acolo era atat de prezenta iar diferenta atat de dureroasa ca de abia puteam sa respir. Singura consolare venea din faptul ca nu va dura mult, ca voi iesi de acolo de indata ce corpul va fi crescut indeajuns sa iasa din acel uter.

Pentru mine, desprinderea de Acasa pentru a prinde forma in manifestarea fizica a fost dureroasa iar durerea a venit atat din separare, din renuntarea la a fi fara forma pentru a intra intr-un corp fizic limitat cat si din uitarea spatiului de lumina si iubire din care sufletul a venit.

Dar sufletul are propria lui memorie si, la un moment dat, dorul de Acasa nu mai poate fi ascuns de nici o iluzie… Si asa sufletul meu si-a inceput calatoria inapoi, catre iubirea si lumina din care a venit. Asa a aparut ‘trezirea’. Si primul lucru de care mi-am dat seama este chiar acesta, ca tot ce traiesc este o iluzie, un joc al experimentarii, un joc al invatarii, al aducerii aminte. In drumul meu catre lumina am intalnit iar durerea… acea durere a separarii.

Am respins de fiecare data durerea cand a aparut in viata mea, m-am luptat cu ea, am respins oamenii si evenimentele care au provocat durere, m-am razvratit impotriva ei si a lor si a vietii si a lui Dumnezeu, intreband intr-una De ce? De ce mie? De ce asa? De ce IAR Doamne?

Universul, rabdator cum este, mi-a adus de fiecare data in cale noi oameni, noi situatii, noi circumstante in care eu sa am ocazia sa spun Da durerii din mine, sa nu ma mai lupt cu ea, sa o imbratisez. Si a facut-o pana cand evitarea durerii a devenit… mai dureroasa decat acceptarea ei.

Acum imi dau seama ca fara a imbratisa durerea traita la separare nu ma pot intoarce constient Acasa si nu-mi pot trai constient natura sufletului meu… E adevarat, imi aduc aminte si Stiu ca sufletul meu vine din lumina si iubire si ca asta inseamna ca eu sunt lumina si iubire, daca din lumina si iubire m-am desprins… dar fara sa imbratisez durerea ca fiind si ea a mea, nu pot sa fac pasul in spatiul din care am venit si, astfel, nu fac ultimul pas catre A FI, iar, intr-un mod constient de data aceasta, lumina si iubire.

Si tu, tovaras drag de drum? Unde esti tu? Care este pasul ce te conduce Acasa?

Din inima,
Priya

... and God said

2009-12-10T00:33:00.006+02:00

I asked God
Can I hear your voice?
and God said
Just be silent

I asked God
How can I keep my heart smiling?
and God said
Let all your tears pour out

I asked God
How can I heal?
and God said
Let the love flow

I asked God
How can I hold this aliveness inside?
and God said
Die in each moment

I said to God
I love you!
and God said
Love me in each and every one...

Love,
Priya

... şi Dumnezeu a răspuns

L-am întrebat pe Dumnezeu
Pot să-ţi ascult glasul?
şi Dumnezeu a răspuns
Doar fi în tăcere

L-am întrebat pe Dumnezeu
Cum să-mi păstrez inima zâmbind?
şi Dumnezeu a răspuns
Lasă-ţi toate lacrimile să curgă

L-am întrebat pe Dumnezeu
Cum să vindec?
şi Dumnezeu a răspuns
Lasă iubirea să se reverse

L-am întrebat pe Dumnezeu
Cum să păstrez viu înăuntru-mi?
şi Dumnezeu a răspuns
Mori în fiecare moment

I-am spus lui Dumnezeu
Te iubesc!
şi Dumnezeu a răspuns
Iubeşte-mă în tot şi toate...

Din inimă,
Priya

If you want me

2009-12-03T00:14:00.000+02:00

If you want me,
you put me in a cage and I cannot know the sky anymore…
If you want me,
you put a label on me and I cannot be who I am anymore…
But if you enjoy me,
you give me the space to spread my wings and fly…
If you delight me,
you add your glittering to my inner light and together we can shine free into the endless Universe…
So don’t want me.
Enjoy me
Delight me
Dance me
Paint me
Breathe me
Feel me
Drink me
Taste me
Sing me
Love me
Celebrate me
Water me
Color me
Contemplate me
Explore me
Hear me
Know me
Smell me
Touch me
Doubt me
Leave me if you have to…
But please
Don’t want me…

Love,
Priya

Dreaming... Dreaming?

2009-12-02T00:08:00.001+02:00

The Universe is infinitely expanding. Creating itself. Re-creating its wonders each infinite moment. If this is true, then how am I creating my life? How am I re-creating my universe each infinite moment? What vision do I want to hold my focus onto? What dream do I want to dream?

If I am dreaming, am I a dream too? If I am a dream, who is the one who dreamed me until now? Who is dreaming me right now? In this very moment?

If everything came from nothing, what is real? If nothing generated what I know as being real, then nothing is real. If nothing is real, and I am a part of everything that came from nothing, then it means I am nothing. And nothing is real. Therefore I am not real.

Unless... I am a reality in someone else’s dream. Unless I am real in someone else’s dreaming. Then a dreamer is dreaming me and makes me appear as real. How do I appear in this dream? Where does it all start? Am I a dreamer too? Who becomes real in my dream? Am I dreaming all these questions right now? Or are they real because I’m dreaming them into reality?

Right now, in this very moment, what IS real? It scares me to answer… nothing.

Love,
Priya

Visez... Visez?

Universul se extinde la infinit. Creandu-se pe sine. Re-creand minuni in fiecare moment infinit. Daca asta este adevarat, atunci cum imi creez eu viata? Cum imi re-creez universul in fiecare moment infinit? Asupra carei viziuni vreau sa-mi mentin focusul? Ce vis vreau sa visez?

Daca acum visez, sunt si eu tot un vis? Daca sunt un vis, cine m-a visat pana acum? Cine ma viseaza chiar acum? In chiar acest moment?

Daca totul a venit din nimic, ce este real? Daca ceea ce cunosc ca fiind real a fost generat din nimic, atunci nimic nu este real. Daca nimic nu e real iar eu sunt o parte din totul care a aparut din nimic, inseamna ca sunt si eu nimic. Si nimic nu este real. Asadar, nici eu nu sunt reala.

Doar daca sunt o realitate in visul altcuiva. Doar daca am devenit reala in visarea altcuiva. Atunci un visator ma viseaza si ma face sa apar ca fiind reala. Oare cum apar in acest vis? Unde incepe totul? Sunt si eu o visatoare? Cine devine real in visul meu? Visez toate aceste intrebari chiar acum? Sau sunt reale tocmai pentru ca le visez in realitate?

Chiar acum, in acest moment, ce ESTE real? Ma tem sa raspund… nimic.

Din inima,
Priya

God is smiling :)

2009-11-28T23:18:00.001+02:00

How can I thank enough this Universe for what I’m living now? How can I find the words to express something that has no shape, dimensions, color, taste or fragrance? How can I hold God to tell him… Thank you God, you’re great! Can I even tell something to the One that creates everything, something that he doesn’t already know?

And yet, what to do with all this gratitude inside that wants to be shared… wants to be expressed?

How to let Him know?

I just close my eyes and remain silent… breathing deeply, slowly, smoothly… an inner smile appears… my heart is bursting, expanding to embrace the Universe… and tears of love and gratitude are flowing from my eyes… I am overwhelmed with the intensity of my own heart, of my own feelings, of the grace that is pouring on me…

No, there are no words to express all this… so I stop searching and I surrender… I surrender to the joy, to the happiness, to the spaciousness inside, to the silence…

And in this silence…

within

God is smiling…

Humble, I smile back…

God is smiling in my inner smile

my heart is in the heart of God

and I am One with Everything!

Love,
Priya

Dumnezeu zambeste :)

Cum pot sa multumesc indeajuns Universului pentru ceea ce traiesc acum? Ce cuvinte sa gasesc, sa pot exprima ceva care nu are forma, dimensiune, culoare, gust ori aroma? Cum sa-l prind pe Dumnezeu sa-i spun… Multumesc Doamne, esti maret! Pot oare sa-i spun ceva Celui care creeaza totul, ceva ce nu stie deja?

Si totusi, ce sa fac cu toata aceasta recunostinta care vrea sa fie impartasita… vrea sa fie exprimata?

Cum sa-I spun, sa-L anunt?

Pur si simplu inchid ochii si raman in tacere… respirand profund, incet, usor… un zambet interior apare… inima imi explodeaza, extinzandu-se sa imbratiseze Universul… si lacrimi de iubire si recunostinta curg pe obraji-mi… Ma simt coplesita de intensitatea propriei mele inimi, a sentimentelor, senzatiilor din interior, a gratiei ce se rasfrange asupra mea…

Nu, nu exista cuvinte sa exprime toate acestea… asa ca ma opresc din cautare si ma abandonez… ma abandonez bucuriei, fericirii, spatialitatii din interior, linistii…

Si in aceasta liniste…

inauntru

Dumnezeu zambeste…

Cu umilinta, zambesc si eu…

Dumnezeu zambeste in zambetul meu interior

inima mea este in inima lui Dumnezeu

iar eu sunt Una cu Totul!

Din inima,
Priya

When I dance...

2009-11-27T14:49:00.001+02:00

When I dance I become a wave and music is my ocean. My body is just like an alga surrounded by the water, flowing with the rhythm, guided by the music, moved with such flexibility that my mind remains just puzzled.

When I allow emotions to be expressed through moving with music, they are transformed within the sound and every single cell is awakened by this energy moving throughout my body.

The floor becomes a playground for my body to create new moves, waving, jumping, turning, whirling…

When I dance, my heart opens in the embrace of music… and God is pouring himself into my being… becoming a neverending Gift…

When I dance, everything is a celebration…

When I dance, my heart says Yes
and everything unfolds within
and without…

until Time is nothing more than a moment

until there’s no more I but a continuous dancing… smiling… loving… thanking… crying… laughing… embracing… offering… melting… coming to life… coming as Life!

Love,
Priya

Cand dansez…

Cand dansez, ma transform intr-un val iar muzica imi e oceanul. Corpul meu este ca o alga inconjurata de apa, plutind in acest ritm, ghidat de muzica, miscat cu o asemenea flexibilitate incat mintea ramane pur si simplu incurcata.

Cand permit emotiilor sa fie exprimate prin miscare si muzica, se transforma in interiorul sunetului si fiecare celula este trezita de aceasta energie ce se misca prin corpul meu.

Podeaua devine locul de joaca unde corpul creeaza noi miscari, unduindu-se, sarind, intorcandu-se, rasucindu-se…

Cand dansez, inima mea se deschide in imbratisarea muzicii… si Dumnezeu se toarna pe Sine in fiinta mea… devenind un Dar fara de sfarsit…

Cand dansez, totul este o celebrare…

Cand dansez, inima mea spune Da
si totul se desfasoara inauntru
si inafara…

pana cand Timpul nu mai este decat un moment

pana cand ‘Eu’ nu mai exista ci doar un continuu dans… zambind… iubind… multumind… plangand… razand… imbratisand… oferind… topindu-ma… venind la viata… venind ca Viata!

Din inima,
Priya

Words I might say

2009-11-26T01:04:00.007+02:00

I might say I love you.
I might say I’ve been waiting for you.
I might say my heart is dancing when I’m around you
or that I’m melting in your embrace.

I might even say I’ve never met anyone like you before.

I might say I feel alive in your presence
and that I’m dying for your kiss.
I might say you’re in my every dream
a sun ray reflecting on my soul’s mirror…
the reason for my morning smile
my unspoken words, the silence within
a strange bazaar to fulfill my every wish…

I might say you’re my inspiration
my guardian angel or the loved one
the strength to rise and carry on…
I might say my moon is shining only over your heart
and my stars are sparkling on your inner sky…

I might even say that
my flower is spreading its fragrance only for you
or that you’re the rhythm in my song…

I might say you bring color in my every moment
adding flavor to my daydreaming
shapeless perfection entering my life
subtle moving into my daily relaxation…
and I might say you bring peace into my restless soul
soothing my thirst with your kisses
softening my wildness with your sweet caresses…

I might say you’re my celebration of love
stirring up my passions
lighting up my nights
As well as I might say that the Goddess within me
is awaken by your merely finger touch…

And I might say I'm diving into unknown Universes
just by one look into your eyes
being brought back home by your whispering voice
by the warmth in your heart
by the light in your smile...

I even might say words like
you’re my one and only
my prince
my knight
my king
my shiny one
my dream come true
my beloved
my God
my light and shadow
my blue sky and deep sea
my heaven from above…

all these and even more

Though… darling?
Don’t take it so seriously…

Anyway,
everything is
just
a big
smiling
dream…

Love,
Priya

Love is...

2009-11-25T01:38:00.002+02:00

Love doesn’t complain…
it doesn’t see defects
Love opens and accepts.
Love sponsors
gives
sustains
and also knows how to receive.
Love nourishes
caresses
gently holds…
Love has no requirements to be filled
Love doesn’t know failings
nor demands…
Love rises while grounding at the same time
giving roots and wings the same
Love understands
forgives
embraces
tenderly taking care...
Love is hugging
melting
being together
knowing and not knowing
letting go
and setting free…

and for you?
what is Love for you?

Love,
Priya

One with everything

2009-11-24T02:59:00.002+02:00

It was said the heart is the engine of the body.

When I meditate on my heart I discover that the heart can be so much more then energy provider. The heart is the alchemist of my being. No matter what it is, pains, fears, blockages, resentments, anger, hatred, sadness, no matter what it is, once it merges with the heart it is melted, transformed, alchemized in pure light and love.

We are all responsible for the space we create around us. If the heart has this amazing power, to transform everything into love, then what I can do each moment is to breathe out love and light. Again and again and again. Through this, not only that I become aware of the love and light I have in my heart, I fill my own life with this love and light and I also contribute to creating a loving environment around me.

Breathe with the love and light in your heart.
Open your eyes.
And look with the love and light in your heart.
Stand up.
And walk with the love and light in your heart.
Stop.
And listen with the love and light in your heart.
Discover.
And know everything with love and light in your heart.
Feel.
And you’ll be One with everything.

Love,
Priya

Una cu totul

Se spune că inima este motorul corpului.

Când meditez în inima mea, descopăr că ea, inima, poate fi mult mai mult decât generator de energie. Inima este alchimistul fiinţei mele. Indiferent de ceea ce este, dureri, frici, blocaje, resentimente, furie, ură, tristeţe, indiferent de ceea ce este, din momentul în care fuzionează cu inima este topit, transformat, alchemizat în lumină pură şi iubire.

Cu toţii suntem responsabili pentru spaţiul pe care îl creăm în jurul nostru. Dacă inima are această putere incredibilă de a transforma totul în iubire, ceea ce pot face în fiecare moment este să folosesc respiraţia pentru a expira iubire şi lumină. Iar şi iar şi iar. Prin asta, nu numai că devin conştientă de iubirea şi lumina din inima mea, ci îmi umplu propria mea viaţă cu lumină şi iubire şi îmi aduc contribuţia la a crea un mediu iubitor în jurul meu.

Respiră cu iubirea şi lumina din inima ta.
Deschide ochii.
Şi priveşte cu iubirea şi lumina din inima ta.
Ridică-te.
Şi mergi cu iubirea şi lumina din inima ta.
Opreşte-te.
Şi ascultă cu iubirea şi lumina din inima ta.
Descoperă.
Şi cunoaşte totul cu iubirea şi lumina din inima ta.
Simte.
Şi vei fi Una cu totul.

Din inimă,
Priya

A different kind of 'To do list'

2009-11-22T01:38:00.002+02:00

Be silent,
live your sadness,
feel your pain,
sink into your tears if you want…
and always remember to come back
to yourself…
to your own heart.

Love,
enjoy,
laugh,
dance,
sing,
fly away if you want…
and always remember to come back
to yourself…
to your own heart.

Love,
Priya

Fii in tacere,
traieste-ti tristetea,
simte-ti durerea,
scufunda-te in lacrimi daca vrei…
si aminteste-ti intotdeauna sa te intorci
la tine…
la inima ta.

Iubeste,
savureaza,
razi,
danseaza,
canta,
zboara departe daca vrei…
si aminteste-ti intotdeauna sa te intorci
la tine…
la inima ta.

Din inima,
Priya

It just happens that I love the mango fruit!

2009-11-20T05:45:00.013+02:00

Oh God, what a great AHA moment I’ve experienced tonight!

Meaning: I don’t know if you have questions that you concern yourself with for a longer time, until you find the answer, but I admit I have. And I don’t rive myself to search for the answer, no, not anymore. I just let the question to weigh on the background of my mind and I give it space. I know that in that space the answers will just have the place to freely come, all by themselves. And when they come, the AHA moment is born!

For a while, it was hanging on that background I was talking about earlier, a question connected to my last relationship where I gracefully and totally broke my heart, as I didn’t quite understood where have I lost myself this time… As anyone interested in his/her emotional wellbeing, since quite a few years (9 actually… ) I’ve read books and articles, I went to workshops, I worked by myself as well as with a therapist on the relationship matter, I’ve meditated, applied, changed patterns, beliefs and inner structures. And I keep on doing this, with perseverance, just like Edison did with his light bulb.

This being the general theme of the life stage I’m in right now, after an evening of facilitating a workshop on ‘Detachment’ – as in a detach inner state comes the AHA moment, I come home and find Inu online, good friend and biiiig big soul. And, passing from the taste of fresh ginger that one can find in our local stores, which is not that fresh as Inu says, to mango – what can I say, big and important truths are revealed starting from ‘small things’ - I just can’t believe my eyes what I see written on my computer’s screen:

“I truly believe that the higher one, our creator, when he conceived some women and the mango fruit, He put there lot of passion and patience… I feel the mango like… I just don’t have words… it is direct contact with the divinity, as if you would plug your hands into the sniff, but instead of getting shocked by electricity, you say Hello to the supreme energy. This is how fresh mango is.”

What to say, I was almost jumping around of joy that finally a man shares the experience I had first time when I eat a mango, when I decided that yes, definitely those are the qualities that I want to experience in my relationship. I thank Inu for the mirror and I tell him how I tried until now, here and there, to share from the pleasure and ecstasy that my whole tongue and mouth experience when I delightfully treat myself with the mango fruit… But the answers I received were that it is fibrous, hard, that it has a strange consistence that gives an unpleasant sensation, while I was listening every time not being quite able to understand where that huge difference was coming from… Maybe we were talking about different fruits? No…

So we continue telling stories, experiences we had along the while, experiences that led us to the conclusion that life is so beautiful and simple if we have eyes to see it, ears to hear it and soul to feel it. As the weekend gets closer, our talk slides to what we are doing this weekend. So I tell him about the workshop from this weekend and about how happy and excited I am doing this, that it is the first workshop I facilitate in the program that I’m involved in, Love is Life – Heart Intelligence and Tantra. With curiosity, Inu asks me how is with this tantra and I start telling him what I learned since I go to workshops, I read and apply… So I tell him how much I appreciate the common sense of working with myself and with my energy, both when I’m alone and when I’m in a relationship… that I discovered that everything I feel belongs to me, that the energy awakening and rising within me it is mine and so I’m not projecting it anymore on the partner, rising him on a pedestal, but rather I acknowledge within him the same energy… that I’ve learned to sense with my whole senses and to trust what I feel in my body, that actually sensing and feeling happened before also but the mind was always interfering, censoring the senses… and, what is really important for me, I’m learning to come back each time to myself, to my own space, to my heart… to be with myself as well as with the partner, and I’m learning that love, even when manifesting in a couple, it means centering and that it cannot be love without centeredness… And I keep on telling how, for me, the healing happens within my heart and that the moment when you go from fear of being intimately to actually intimacy and love is the moment when you can show yourself to your partner just as you are and in the same time to be ok with it… meaning that you’re not trembling tortured by thoughts like ‘ups, he/she sees me now, what will I do after this?’… but peacefully to be able to take 100% responsibility of your being, just as you are. And so we come to the fact that, to be able to do so, first you need to love yourself and to accept yourself just as you are, and when you love and accept yourself only then love can flower inside the couple also… that when love is already inside you, you just let it flow. This is when Inu asks

“Well, doesn’t it depend also on the field that it is flowing to?”

The very clear and simple answer comes that… what happens with the “field” is the “field’s” business.

And, suddenly, I see myself in my last relationship and I understand that we were just living through different paradigms. The words start flowing and my fingers write by themselves… I understand that I lost myself when trying to show him my understanding about love and relating, when trying to explain that a profound relationship as I see it, it is not the one that, quoting him: ‘at least in the beginning should be like wow cause afterward…’ just because the fact that what consumes with time and decreases it is not love, but perhaps lust… that I understand the fact he had relationships before and in the beginning at least they were wow but… how did those relationship evolved and where did they end up? I heard myself again saying to him that love and closeness in a couple are to be build with awareness, day by day, and that it is always a choice there… that love is an act of gratitude, waking up in the morning seeing your partner and thanking him/her that today also he/she chose to be there with you, receiving your love… that intimacy in a relationship it is something building through being present, taking a good look inside yourself, giving yourself the chance to know and to heal yourself, to go even deeper in your depths, in your love… that when you step back when facing an obstacle it is like you're setting a second date with it later in time… I hear myself again telling him about the moment of ‘love at second sight’ which appears in any relationship, when the hormones get back to normal and you start to ‘see’ your partner with goods and bads… moment when you can decide to start looking for another partner to arouse in your body the same chemical reactions, offering you the intoxicating sensations of falling in love… or you can decide to remain in the relationship and to make the step towards what really means intimacy and mature love… Here I suddenly stop writing. My big AHA was coming. It was right in front of me, clear as spring water.

He doesn’t enjoy the mango fruit.

My whole propaganda on love and relating became as unnatural and useless as if I was trying to make him feel that eating a mango fruit is a divine experience when, in fact, he finds mango to be just a fibrous fruit with a strange taste…

Love,
Priya

Se intampla sa-mi placa mango!

Of Doamne, mare AHA am trait eu in seara asta!

Adica: nu stiu daca voi aveti asa intrebari care va preocupa mai mult timp pana gasiti raspunsul, dar eu recunosc ca am. Si nu ma mai zdrobesc sa caut eu raspunsul, nu. Doar las intrebarea sa atarne asa undeva pe fundalul mintii mele si ii dau spatiu. Stiu eu ca in spatiul acela au loc raspunsurile sa vina singure singurele de buna voie. Si cand vin, se naste AHA-ul!

De ceva vreme, era la atarnat pe fundalul de care ziceam mai sus, o intrebare legata de ultima relatie in care am fost si in care mi-am zdrobit inima total si cu mare gratie, ca nu prea pricepeam eu unde m-am pierdut pe mine de data asta… Ca tot omul preocupat de bunastarea sa emotionala, de cativa ani incoace (vreo 9 asa… ) am citit, m-am dus la cursuri, am lucrat si singura si cu terapeut pe acest subiect al relatiilor, am meditat, am aplicat, am schimbat patternuri, convingeri si structuri interioare. Si fac asta in continuare, cu perseverenta, precum Edison cu becul lui.

Acesta fiind decorul general al etapei de viata in care ma aflu acum, ca sa zic asa, dupa o seara in care am facilitat un workshop cu tema ‘Detasarea’ – ca doar in stare de detasare vin AHA-urile, ajung eu acasa si ma gasesc pe chat cu Inu, bun prieten si maaare mare suflet. Si trecand noi de la gustul de ghimbir proaspat din comertul bucurestean, care numai proapat zice Inu ca nu e el, la mango – deh, marile revelatii pornesc de la lucruri ‘marunte’ – nu-mi cred privirii ce apare scris pe ecran:

“Eu cred sincer ca al de sus, creatorul, atunci cand a conceput cateva femei, si fructul de mango a pus multa pasiune si rabdare… mi se pare asa mango-ul… n-am cuvinte… e contact direct cu dumnezeirea ca si cum ai baga mana in priza, dar in loc sa te curentezi, dai bonjur energiei supreme. Cam asa e mango-ul proaspat.”

Ce sa mai, imi venea sa topai de bucurie ca in sfarsit un barbat imi impartaseste experienta pe care am avut-o cand am muscat prima data dintr-un fruct de mango, cand am hotarat eu ca da, hotarat lucru, asa calitati vreau sa traiesc in relatia mea. Si ii multumesc de oglindire si ii spun ca am tot incercat eu pana acum, ba in stanga, ba in dreapta sa impartasesc din placerea si extazul trait de papilele mele cand ma infrupt cu voluptate din mango… Dar raspunsurile primite au fost ca e atos, ca e tare, ca are o consistenta ciudata care da o senzatie neplacuta, iar eu ma uitam de fiecare data, nevenindu-mi sa cred de unde ditamai diferenta… Poate vorbim de fructe diferite? Nu…

Si mai povestim noi, eu cu Inu, asa… experiente avute in timp, experiente care ne duc la concluzia ca tare simpla si frumoasa mai e viata asta, daca avem ochi sa vedem, urechi sa auzim si suflet sa simtim. Cum se apropie weekendul, aluneca discutia si inspre ce facem in weekend. Asa ca ii spun de workshopul din weekend si de cat de fericita si incantata sunt ca fac asta, ca e primul pe care il facilitez, in programul in care sunt inscrisa, Iubirea este Viata – Inteligenta inimii si tantra. Curios, ma intreaba Inu cum e cu tantra asta si incep eu sa povestesc ce am invatat de cand ma duc la cursuri, citesc si aplic… Asa ca ii spun ca apreciez bunul simt in spiritul caruia lucrez cu mine si cu energia mea, si atunci cand sunt singura si cand sunt intr-o relatie… ca am descoperit ca tot ce simt imi apartine, ca energia care se trezeste in mine este a mea si uite asa nu o mai proiectez pe partener, ridicandu-l in slavi, ci, mai degraba, recunosc si in el aceeasi energie… ca am invatat sa simt prin toate simturile si sa am incredere in corp, ca de simtit simteam eu si inainte, dar venea mintea si cenzura… si, ce este cel mai important pentru mine, invat sa ma intorc de fiecare data la mine, in spatiul meu, in inima… invat sa fiu si cu celalalt dar si cu mine, invat ca iubirea, chiar si manifestata in cuplu, inseamna centrare si ca nu se poate una fara cealalta… Si tot asa povestesc eu cum, pentru mine, vindecarea se petrece in inima si cum momentul cand treci de la frica de apropiere la intimitate si iubire este momentul in care te poti arata in fata partenerului/ei exact asa cum esti, in acelasi timp fiind total in regula cu asta… adica sa nu dardai torturat de ganduri gen ‘aoleu, ma vede, ce ma fac eu dupa?’… ci, cu seninatate, sa iti poti asuma 100% responsabilitatea fiintei tale, exact asa cum esti. Si asa ajungem noi la faptul ca, pentru a putea sa faci asta, ai nevoie intai sa te iubesti tu pe tine si sa te accepti exact asa cum esti, iar cand te iubesti si te accepti tu pe tine, atunci poate inflori si iubirea in cuplu… ca atunci cand iubirea este deja in tine, doar o lasi sa curga. Si intreba Inu aici

“pai nu depinde si de campul pe care se varsa iubirea?”

Imi vine foarte clar si simplu raspunsul ca… ce se intampla cu ‘campul’ e treaba ‘campului’.

Si, dintr-o data, ma revad pe mine in ultima relatie si inteleg ca pur si simplu traiam in paradigme diferite. Cuvintele efectiv curg iar degetele mele incep sa scrie singure… Inteleg ca m-am pierdut pe mine atunci cand am incercat sa ii arat lui intelegerea mea despre iubire si relationare, cand am incercat sa ii explic ca o relatie profunda nu e aceea in care, cum imi spunea el ‘macar la inceput sa fie wow ca dupa aia…’ pentru ca ce se consuma in timp si scade nu este iubire ci, poate, pasiune… ca inteleg ca a mai avut relatii care au fost wow la inceput dar… cum au evoluat? M-am reauzit spunandu-i ca iubirea si apropierea in cuplu se construiesc constient, zi de zi, si ca este o alegere acolo in fiecare moment… ca iubirea e un act de gratitudine, cand te trezesti dimineata si il/o vezi pe cel/cea de langa tine si ii multumesti ca a ales si astazi sa fie cu tine si sa primeasca iubirea ta… ca intimitatea in relatie se construieste fiind prezent/a acolo, uitandu-te bine in interiorul tau, dandu-ti astfel ocazia sa te cunosti, sa vindeci, sa mergi mai profund in adancimile tale, in iubirea ta… ca atunci cand dai inapoi din fata unui obstacol e ca si cum iti dai intalnire cu el mai tarziu… M-am reauzit spunandu-i despre momentul de ‘dragoste la a doua vedere’ care apare in orice relatie, atunci cand hormonii din corp revin la normal si incepi sa ‘vezi’ partenerul/a cu bune si rele… moment in care poti sa decizi sa pornesti in cautarea altui partener care sa-ti starneasca reactii chimice in corp si sa-ti ofere senzatiile ametitoare ale indragostirii sau poti sa decizi sa ramai in relatie si sa faci pasul catre ceea ce este de fapt intimitatea si iubirea matura… Si ma opresc brusc din scris. Marele meu AHA venise. Era aici, chiar in fata mea, limpede ca apa de izvor.

Lui nu-i place mango.

Toata propaganda mea despre iubire si relatii a devenit la fel de nefireasca si de inutila ca si cum as fi incercat sa-l fac sa simta ca a manca mango este o experienta divina cand, de fapt, pentru el este doar un fruct atos cu gust cam ciudat…

Din inima,
Priya

The paradox of the heart…

2009-11-18T22:50:00.000+02:00

In love there is freedom and letting go…
In love there is deepest acceptance…
In the space of love there is a place for everything…
and everything that reaches the spaces of love melts away to become nothing.
In the space of love the mind just remains puzzled.
And yet the heart just goes on expanding beyond limits
until it is no more.
It has been said…
‘The more silent you become, the more you hear’…
The more you let go,
the more you let God to fill you...

Sshhh…
Let go…
Breathe…
Be…
Allow…
Receive…
Breathe…
Be…

Love,

Priya

Whispers...

2009-11-16T12:49:00.002+02:00

Just what are you saying, my old heart?
What are your whispers about?
What old wounds are you crying of?
What treasures are you hiding deep inside?
What longings are you carrying on?
What gifts are you offering?
What blessings are you pouring out?
Where are you sending out your calling?
Where do you want to guide me to?

I’m here, my heart…
I feel your rhythm…
it brings me the breath of life
I see your stories…
visions of golden sands and deep waters
visions of wild nature and endless skies
And, most of all…

I hear you now, my heart…

In the stillness of your source
I’m resting…
In the depth of your silence
I am listening…
In your light
I find my rebirth
And in your love
I find myself
Home

Love,
Priya

We are One

2009-11-14T19:54:00.004+02:00

I just heard the word ‘separation’ and something moved inside me that made me cry… I feel the longing inside me now and it is not anymore the longing for a love partner in my life, for a family, for a home…

I was missing myself all this time, not knowing that everything I could ever need or want is already inside me.

I was missing that place inside where everything just Is, where silence dwells, where all is… endlessness…

When I was feeling that something is missing in my life I was so right… What was missing was this connection with this deep space inside, with my center, with my depth, with my stillness, with my ageless self, with the wisdom of all there is which, as unbelievable as it might seem, it is right here, inside me…

When I’m in this space inside, I know it’s not something that I can call it ‘mine’ and still it is inside me… and I finally understand the ‘We are One’ reality… as the same space is inside you also and you either can’t call it ‘yours’, and still you have it inside… and so does every single being on this earth, and the earth itself and the universe and all there is…

When I’m in this space inside, we are One indeed, as we all have the same center, the same essence… we all come from the same space and that is the only part in us that cannot ever die… because it has no beginning and it has no end… it just IS there… here…

All I can say is… Thank you. And then the silence remains all over… inside me… around me…

Love,
Priya

Suntem cu toţii Unu

Tocmai am auzit cuvântul ‘separare’ şi ceva s-a mişcat în interiorul meu care m-a făcut să plâng… A trezit acest dor în mine şi îmi dau seama că nu mai este acel dor de un partener de viaţă, de a avea o familie, un cămin…

Mi-a fost dor de mine în tot acest timp, neştiind că tot ce aş putea vreodată avea nevoie şi tot ce mi-aş putea dori este deja în interiorul meu.

Îmi era dor de acest loc din interior unde totul pur şi simplu Este, unde domneşte liniştea, unde totul este… nelimitat…

Când simţeam că ceva lipseşte din viaţa mea aveam atât de multă dreptate… Ceea ce lipsea era această conexiune cu spaţiul profund din interiorul meu, cu centrul meu, cu adâncimea din mine, cu liniştea mea, cu sinele meu fără de vârstă, cu înţelepciunea a tot ceea ce este, care, pe cât de incredibil pare, este chiar aici, în interiorul meu…

Când sunt în acest spaţiu, ştiu că nu este ceva pe care să-l pot numi ‘al meu’ şi totuşi este înăuntrul meu… şi în sfârşit am înţeles realitatea ‘suntem cu toţii Unu’… pentru că acelaşi spaţiu se află şi în interiorul tău şi nici tu nu-l poţi numi ‘al tău’ şi totuşi îl porţi în tine… aşa cum se întâmplă cu fiecare fiinţă de pe acest pământ, şi cu pământul însuşi şi cu universul şi cu tot ceea ce este…

Când sunt în acest spaţiu din interior suntem într-adevar Unu, cu toţii având acelaşi centru, aceeaşi esenţă… Cu toţii ne naştem din acelaşi spaţiu iar aceasta este singura parte din noi care nu poate niciodată muri… pentru ca nu are început şi nu are sfârşit… pur şi simplu ESTE acolo… aici…

Tot ce pot să spun este… Mulţumesc. Iar apoi tăcerea rămâne peste tot… înăuntrul meu… în afara mea…

Din inimă,
Priya

Proud or grateful?

2009-11-13T00:04:00.000+02:00

The heart knows humbleness, it does not know pride. When you’re proud of achieving something, that’s your Ego thinking that somehow it’s your special praiseworthy… And this is possible only when you think you’re separate from All, from Universe, from God, and you take on your behalf whatever it is in your life. The moment you realize that it is a greater power manifesting through you, as well as through others and through every event in your life, you become humble and grateful for being chosen as a tool in this infinite Universe that we’re all part of. When you Know you’re One with everything that is life, then you can feel only love, humbleness and gratitude for the greatness of All there IS.

Then you'll not be proud anymore for your shiny car and for your beautiful cozy house, but you'll be grateful for using them. Then you'll not be proud for your success at work, but you'll feel gratitude to have fulfilled your role.

Then you will not be proud anymore that your partner is beautiful, intelligent, charming, tender, sensible, wise, loving, special… You will not be proud anymore that you have him or her as a partner. Rather, you’ll feel gratitude for him or her being in your life. You’ll thank the Universe that your life has been touched by another life… You’ll feel blessed that you have enriched each other’s existence…

When you’re in your mind, you are proud.

When you’re in your heart, you feel humble and grateful.

That’s the difference between mind and heart, between thinking you’re in love and loving.

Love,
Priya

Once upon a time...

2009-11-12T01:59:00.002+02:00

With your heart broken you’ve ended another relationship. Once again, in the end He or She proved to be just an ordinary he or she. And, for a while, you ask yourself what and how it happened, where did you go wrong, how come you couldn’t see the real he, the real she… Maybe you blame yourself or you find flaws to the one who was, for a while, ‘the other half’…

With time, Life catches you with day to day activities, maybe you even discover new things to experience… a dance course or maybe a drawing class, a new type of massage, another self development group, a new form of therapy, the last Eckhart Tolle book that was waiting on your desk since quite some time…

And the questions start, slowly, slowly, to disappear… The day doesn’t begin anymore with that pressure on your chest and you simply don’t know when you started to smile again. You realize that, in the meantime, the sun was rising everyday as warm and shiny as always, that stars show on the same spot in the sky, that the moon phases increase and decrease in the same well-known rhythm… It’s true, the tree in front of your house doesn’t anymore have flowers but the kids are already enjoying its fruits. Here’s another reason for you to smile. The wounds healed and remained somewhere in the past. And you can even ask yourself if the pain was indeed as big or as deep as you thought it was. Maybe you overreacted a bit and, after all, look just how much time you have now for yourself and how much you changed.

Bashfully, a contentment feeling rises up. You’re with yourself again. Your heart starts to relax. Life gets color again, the days start to have taste and you discover that each moment has its own flavor… And you… you shine! Having this new inner state you walk on the street, go to the office, to the café, and is like you have something inside that continuously attracts other people’s eyes.

The dream appears, first in a delicate way, then stronger and stronger. A new love. You want again for Someone in your life to share the color, the taste, the flavor. You miss a feeling, you miss the sensations in your body when you have that feeling. And your eyes start again to search for Someone. A tiny little voice can be heard inside, saying that maybe this time Someone it will be really Him or Her, who knows? The heart is slightly trembling when those eyes remain fixed just a second longer when they meet your eyes.

You’ve just met Someone and you fell in love.

Your colleagues, friends, family, everyone is telling you the same thing… You’re changed! You look so good! You radiate! Your smile is now bravely hanging on the corners of your eyes and there’s no way for it to get out of there. Your heart is beating faster and everything happens more intense around you. The sky is bluer, the flower more perfumed, even the honey is sweeter. The time has its own law on passing and it’s either flying like crazy, either is refusing to pass no matter what you do. People are suddenly prettier, happier and even that old lady neighbor of yours, the curious and pushy one, seems nicer now. What to say… this time Someone is just like some lens through which everything looks more beautiful, more interesting, more alive, more colorful, more perfumed… a wonder along with whom everything is smoother, easier and freely flowing… You have entered again the intoxicating spiral of the chemistry between a woman and a man.

Like a challenge meant to interrupt this torrent of dreams and to reconnect your feet with the ground, Life is asking you…

Have you learned to love yourself? To respect yourself?
Have you learned to listen to your heart and to your inner truth?
Do you know now not to lose yourself in your fantasies’ whirling?
Have you learned to give yourself gentleness and affection instead of waiting for them to come from Someone?
Do you know not to project anymore, not to blame Someone, but to take responsibility for your own existence?
Have you learned to be with you and, in the same time, to be present with Someone?
Can you now give without expecting something in return?

Have you learned to Love without asking for anything?

If Yes, Life lovingly smiles at you…
If No, Life lovingly smiles at you and gives you, once again, the chance to learn.
And Life is patient… knowing that, eventually, you will learn… Cause we are all learning at some moment in time…

And in that moment, same as Life, we’ll smile lovingly, kind, patient…

:)

Love,
Priya

A fost odată ca niciodată...

Cu inima rănită ai mai terminat o relaţie. Încă o dată, El sau Ea s-a dovedit a fi până la urmă doar un el obişnuit, o ea obişnuită. Şi, o perioadă, te întrebi ce şi cum s-a întâmplat, unde ai greşit, cum de n-ai putut vedea cum era într-adevăr el sau ea… Poate că te învinovăţeşti ori îi găseşti cusururi celui/celei care a fost, pentru o vreme, “jumătatea”…

La un moment dat, Viaţa te prinde în activităţi de zi cu zi, poate chiar descoperi noi lucruri de experimentat… un curs de dans ori poate de desen, un nou tip de masaj, un alt grup de dezvoltare personală, o nouă formă de terapie, ultima carte a lui Eckhart Tolle care te aştepta pe birou de ceva vreme…

Şi întrebările dispar uşor uşor… Ziua nu mai începe cu apăsarea aceea în piept şi nici tu nu ştii când ai început să zâmbeşti iar. Iţi dai seama că, între timp, soarele a continuat să răsară în fiecare zi la fel de călduros şi strălucitor, că stelele apar şi ele în acelaşi loc pe cer, că luna creşte şi scade în acelaşi ritm ştiut… E drept, copacul din faţa blocului nu mai are flori între timp, dar copiii deja se bucură de fructele lui. Iată încă un motiv să zâmbeşti. Rănile s-au vindecat şi au rămas undeva în trecut. Şi poţi chiar să te întrebi dacă într-adevăr durerea a fost atât de mare sau de profundă pe cât credeai. Poate că ai exagerat un pic atunci şi până la urmă, uite cât timp ai acum pentru tine şi cât de mult te-ai transformat.

Timid, răsare un sentiment de mulţumire. Eşti tu cu tine iar. Inima ta începe să se relaxeze. Şi viaţa capătă iar culoare, zilele gust şi descoperi că fiecare moment are aroma lui proprie… Iar tu… tu străluceşti! Cu această stare mergi pe stradă, la birou, la cafenea, şi parcă ai ceva în interior care atrage necontenit privirile celorlalţi.

Visul apare, la început firav, iar apoi din ce în ce mai pregnant. O nouă iubire. Îţi doreşti iar pe Cineva în viaţa ta cu care să împărtăşeşti culoarea, gustul, aroma. Ţi-e dor de un sentiment, de senzaţiile din corpul tău atunci când ai acel sentiment. Şi începi să cauţi cu privirea pe Cineva. O voce firavă se aude din interior că poate de data aceasta Cineva este chiar El sau Ea, cine ştie? Inima tresare când ochii aceia se odihnesc jucăuşi cu o secundă mai mult când întâlnesc ochii tăi.

Ai întâlnit pe Cineva şi te-ai îndrăgostit.

Colegii, prietenii, familia, cu toţii îţi spun acelaşi lucru… Te-ai schimbat! Arăţi atât de bine! Radiezi! Zâmbetul tău acum se agaţă cu vitejie de colţul ochilor şi nici gând să plece de acolo. Inima bate mai repede şi totul se întâmplă mai intens în jurul tău. Cerul e mai albastru, florile sunt mai parfumate, până şi mierea e mai dulce. Timpul are propria lui lege dupa care fie zboară, fie refuză să treacă orice ai face tu. Oamenii sunt dintr-odată mai frumoşi, mai veseli şi până şi vecina aceea în vârstă, curioasă şi insistentă, pare mai drăguţă acum. Ce să mai… de data asta Cineva e pur şi simplu ca o lentilă prin care totul e mai frumos, mai interesant, mai viu, mai colorat, mai parfumat, o minune alături de care totul este mai lin, mai uşor, mai curgător… Ai intrat iar în ameţitoarea spirală a chimiei dintre o femeie şi un bărbat.

Ca o provocare, menită parcă să întrerupă torentul acesta de vise şi să-ti readucă picioarele pe pământ, Viaţa te întreabă…

Ai învăţat să te iubeşti? Să te respecţi?
Ai învăţat să îţi asculţi inima şi adevărul interior?
Ştii acum să nu te mai pierzi în vârtejul fanteziilor tale?
Ai învăţat să îţi oferi blândeţe şi afecţiune fără să mai aştepti să vină din exterior?
Ştii să nu mai proiectezi, să nu mai împarţi vinovăţii şi să-ţi asumi responsabilitatea pentru propria-ţi existenţă?
Ai învăţat să fii cu tine şi, în acelaşi timp, să fii prezent/ă cu Cineva?
Vrei şi poţi acum să dăruieşti fără să aştepţi ceva în schimb?

Ai învăţat să iubeşti fără să ceri?

Dacă Da, Viaţa îţi zâmbeşte iubitoare…
Dacă Nu, Viaţa îţi zâmbeşte iubitoare şi iată, încă o dată îţi dă şansa să înveţi.
Şi Viaţa are răbdare… ştie că, până la urmă tot vei învăţa… Noi toţi învăţăm la un moment dat…

Şi atunci, ca şi Viaţa, vom zâmbi iubitori, înţelegători, răbdători…

:)

Din inimă,
Priya

Love, the mystery...

2009-11-10T20:30:00.003+02:00

Love is a mystery. It cannot be understood, contained by the mind. It can be experienced, lived, tasted, felt, danced, painted… different aspects, same mystery.

It is said that the mystery cannot be contained in ‘something’ because it is infinite. It has no beginning and no end. It has no borders, halves or middle. It has no steps or levels. The mystery simply is.

But I believe that the heart can embrace the mystery. I believe that when you let all the walls that fear has build around the heart to be melted, what you discover is the incredible quality of the heart to embrace All. Good and bad. Beautiful and ugly. Sound and silence. Up and down. Cold and hot. Dark and light. Chaos and stillness. Laugh and cry. Black and white and all the colors from this Universe. The Universe itself. And even the Multiverse we exist in. It can embrace All that is and All that is not at once.And I believe that, if something else would and would not exist there is still space in the heart to embrace it.

Because the heart itself is a mystery. Infinite. It has no beginning and no end. It has no borders, halves or middle. It has no steps or levels. The heart simply is. It accepts, transforms, alchemize.

What it gives it life and makes everything possible is… love.

The heart loves. It doesn’t know any other language, it doesn’t know any other manifestation or other reality then the one of love. And so it is that love contains All that is and All that is not. So it is that love understands what is manifested and what is yet un-manifested. Love knows to listen to what is said and unsaid.

And, in silence, love whispers…

Love,
Priya

Iubirea, misterul...

Iubirea este un mister. Nu poate fi inteleasa, cuprinsa de minte. Poate fi experimentata, traita, gustata, simtita, dansata, pictata… diferite aspecte, acelasi mister.

Se spune ca misterul nu poate fi cuprins in ‘ceva’ pentru ca este infinit. Nu are inceput si nu are sfarsit. Nu are margini, jumatati ori mijloc. Nu are etape si nici niveluri. Misterul pur si simplu este.

Dar eu cred ca inima poate imbratisa misterul. Cred ca atunci cand lasi sa se dizolve toate zidurile pe care frica le-a construit in jurul inimii, ceea ce descoperi este incredibila calitate a inimii de a imbratisa Totul. Bun si rau. Frumos si urat. Sunet si liniste. Sus si jos. Rece si cald. Intuneric si lumina. Haos si nemiscare. Ras si plans. Alb si negru si toate culorile din Universul acesta. Universul in sine. Si chiar Multiversul in care existam. Poate imbratisa Tot ce este si ce nu este deopotriva. Si cred ca, daca ar mai fi si n-ar mai fi ceva, tot mai exista spatiu in inima pentru a-l imbratisa.

Pentru ca inima este ea insasi un mister. Infinita. Nu are inceput si nu are sfarsit. Nu are margini, jumatati ori mijloc. Nu are etape si nici niveluri. Inima pur si simplu este. Accepta, transforma, alchimizeaza.

Iar ceea ce-i da viata si face totul posibil este… iubirea.

Inima iubeste. Nu stie alt limbaj, nu cunoaste alta manifestare ori alta realitate decat cea a iubirii. Si astfel iubirea cuprinde tot ce este si tot ce nu este. Astfel iubirea intelege ceea ce este manifestat si ceea ce este inca nemanifestat. Stie sa asculte ceea ce este rostit si ceea ce este nerostit.

Si, in liniste, iubirea sopteste…

Din inima,
Priya

I saved myself from 'saving'

2009-11-05T20:41:00.002+02:00

As a true 'Savior' I was living my life 'saving' others by helping them. Thinking that people need my help, I was giving them, with all my good intentions, whatever resources I had, be that knowledge, assistance... And the funny thing is that these 'helping' situations were ending more or less with me feeling frustrated and pressured, asking 'I am giving you everything. Why do you need to demand for it, since I am anyway freely giving it?'

Now, knowing that repetitive situations come with a meaning, I started to search for 'the catch' in this. And so I learned that wanting to help someone goes hand in hand with sending out the message 'you're not good enough / you can't handle this / you won't manage... '. I learned that by saying to someone 'I can help you, I'll do it for you' that person is being minimized. That by not giving trust in someone's capabilities and resources, the very potential of that person is being cutted off.

The painful truth was that, while I was thinking that it is about the other's wellbeing, it was in fact about my own need to help, to feel useful. Realizing this chaged my whole perspective.

People don't need help, they don't need to be saved. If there is something that we, human beings, need... that is Love.

The quality of my attention has changed since I'm not searching anymore 'ways to help'. With time I learned that love has no desire to change. Love simply accepts what is, as acceptance is its nature. And, paradoxically, letting go to any desire to change, a door is open: the door to the space of acceptance, to the space of authenticity within. The only space where true transformation becomes possible.
With time I learned that I'm not here to help you, I'm here to offer nourishment an support and my undivided attention, being open, loving, warm and kind. And most of all, respecting your inner potential, your true nature, your uniqueness.

If you're not satisfied and you're still demanding 'more'... remember that fulfilling your needs is different than meeting up your expectations.

Love,
Priya

M-am salvat de a salva

Ca o adevarata 'Salvatoare', mi-am trait o buna parte din viata 'salvandu-i' pe ceilalti. Crezand ca oamenii au nevoie de ajutorul meu, le dadeam, de altfel cu cele mai bune intentii, orice putea fi considerat resursa - cunoastere (practic si/sau teoretic), asistenta, lucruri materiale... Partea care-mi dadea cu virgula era ca, aceste situatii ori relatii in care eu eram 'salvatoare' se terminau, mai mult sau mai putin cu mine simtindu-ma sub presiune si frustrata, intreband 'Daca iti dau tot ce am, de buna voie, de ce mai e nevoie sa vii si sa imi ceri?'

Stiind eu ca orice situatie care se repeta vine cu un rost, am inceput sa caut unde-i 'smecheria'. Si asa am invatat ca a vrea sa ajut pe cineva vine la pachet cu mesajul 'Nu esti destul de bun(a) / Nu te poti descurca / Nu vei reusi... '
Am mai invatat ca, a spune cuiva 'Fac eu asta in locul tau' minimizeaza omul respectiv. Ca, prin a nu avea incredere in capacitatile si resursele cuiva, anulez potentialul acelui om.

Adevarul (crud asa) era ca, in timp ce-mi spuneam ca este vorba despre binele celuilalt, de fapt era vorba despre propria mea nevoie de a ajuta, de a ma simti utila. Cand mi-am dat seama de asta, s-a schimbat si perspectiva.

Oamenii nu au nevoie de ajutor, nu au nevoie sa fie salvati. Daca este ceva de care noi, oamenii, avem intr-adevar nevoie, este Iubire.

Calitatea atentiei mele s-a schimbat de cand nu mai caut moduri prin care sa ajut, sa salvez. Cu timpul, am invatat ca iubirea nu doreste sa schimbe nimic. Iubirea pur si simplu accepta, intrucat acceptarea este chiar natura ei. Si, paradoxal, eliberand orice dorinta de a schimba, se deschide o usa: usa catre spatiul acceptarii, catre spatiul autenticitatii ce vine din interior. Singurul spatiu unde adevarata transformare devine posibila.
Cu timpul, am invatat ca nu sunt aici sa te ajut, ci sunt aici sa ofer aceasta prezenta hranitoare, sprijin si intreaga mea atentie, fiind in natura mea deschisa, iubitoare, calda si blanda. Si, in special, respectand potentialul tau, adevarata ta natura, unicitatea ta.

Iar daca asta nu te satisface si inca ceri 'mai mult'... aminteste-ti ca a-ti implini nevoile este diferit de a satisface asteptarile tale.

Din inima,
Priya